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By bdiddy - 11/07/2009 19:50 - United States

Today, I moved in with my brother to save on a swanky apartment. I was skeptical as to how this would work out as we fought a lot as kids. Our first big fight? Whether or not to keep his dorm-style futon complete with Return of the Jedi sheets. He's a 35-yr old physician; I'm a 28-yr old lawyer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 761

You deserved it 11 421

Waiting list blues

By Anonymous - 21/06/2024 16:00

Today, after two years of fighting, I finally got an appointment for my son to see an autism specialist. The appointment is in December 2026. He’ll be 11 and in high school by then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 460

You deserved it 105

Infectious

By Looupyloou - 07/01/2026 12:00

Today, it's day four of liquid ass and violent hurling after I hosted a birthday party for my daughter, and one of the kids brought a stomach virus rather than a present. Yesterday my daughter started with the violent vomiting too. Everything smells like vomit in my home. Yay me! FML

I agree, your life sucks 471

You deserved it 81

Poundtown

By fukinlonely - 12/01/2015 12:53 - United Kingdom

Today, both my female flatmate and my gay male flatmate have got their boyfriends round. They've both stuck 'Do Not Disturb' signs on their bedroom doors and are both playing music which doesn't quite muffle the sounds of what they're up to. I haven't had a date in over six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 751

You deserved it 4 225

My little friends

By Annonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, an exterminator sprayed for cockroaches in my dorm room. After classes I got back to find three large cockroaches on top of my bed. Now that the exterminator has sprayed everything, all the cockroaches are coming out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 818

You deserved it 2 026

By Noname - 29/10/2008 10:09 - Slovenia

Today, they finally took my braces off. 7 hours later I fell off my bike and chipped my tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 545

You deserved it 6 412

Mirror, mirror

By Anonymous - 21/08/2020 23:01 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today I discovered that I'm so pale that I can lighten up any distant dark corner of the room just by placing my hand by a window and reflecting the light like a mirror. Imagine how bright it would be if I stood by the window naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 244

You deserved it 260

I can't see for miles and miles and miles

By Anonymous - 03/11/2021 05:00

Today, having my hands full with dog leashes, I hooked a lamp to my jacket to find my way in the dark. The first time I bent over, it fell, burst open and spilled its batteries, so I had to go back and get another flashlight, whose batteries promptly started to fade once I was trying to reassemble the first one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 174

Great first impression

By Anonymous - 04/02/2023 18:00 - Canada

Today, I woke up early for a job interview. I got lost and arrived an hour late, only to find out it was the wrong day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 358

You deserved it 714

Step-father, right?

By Marytza - 26/06/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, it's my daughter’s 18th birthday. Today is also the day that my husband told me he’s leaving me for her, and he wants a divorce. When I threatened to press charges for potentially grooming her as a minor, he told me I don’t have a leg to stand on because, “She’s been at the age of consent anyway.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 186

Here comes the flood

By Anonymous - 06/02/2023 12:00

Today, I was trying to be environmentally friendly by using a reusable water bottle, but didn't screw the top on properly, so while I was chatting to someone it splashed it all over my computer and bricked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 620

You deserved it 579

By sayhey22 - 09/01/2015 15:33 - United States - Sullivan

Today, my boyfriend bought a new toaster. It not only pops up the bread when done, it also beeps loudly. It makes me scream in terror every single time. My boyfriend has now vowed to "Toast 'til the end of time." It's going to be a long year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 154

You deserved it 4 477

sayhey22 tells us more.

sayhey22 19

Saturday 10 January 2015 0:52

It almost sounds like a broken fire alarm. It's a sketchy sound haha. I've progressed to just jumping when it happens

Help!

By Bug - 15/10/2012 21:38 - Canada - Ajax

Today, I fell down the stairs. Lying on my back in extreme pain, I called my mom for help. When she came over, she said I looked like a dead bug, took a picture and posted it on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 125

You deserved it 2 444

Phoneless in Seattle

By Anonymous - 19/11/2021 23:00

Today, in a rush to get to the gym after work for a class, I left my phone in the office. It's Friday and the building will be locked until Monday morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 761

You deserved it 419

Guess who?

By Anonymous - 28/06/2024 09:00

Today, after I fired a guy two weeks ago for being a lazy ass, I'd put his job out for applicants to apply, I was going to have the interviews. My assistant informed me only one person applied. It was him, applying to get his job back. I had to rehire him because the position needed filling today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 204

You deserved it 569

By housebroken - 22/01/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, my godmother informed me that the rule of thumb my ex had used for our relationship during a year of cohabitation was taken directly from a Cesar Millan book on "How to train dogs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 444

You deserved it 3 349

Bizarre topping

By Grossed out - 10/11/2021 11:00

Today, I was eating an ice cream on a sidewalk and some woman decided it was time to clip her toenails on her balcony above me. One of the nail shards fell onto my ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 279

You deserved it 102

College life

By rimenrezon - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Tampa

Today, someone tried to break into my dorm room while I was in class. Ramming the metal door with their shoulder just dented it, so they pissed on my welcome mat and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 352

You deserved it 2 538

By tomoxishigaki - 17/11/2011 01:32 - United States

Today, I moved to California. Too bad the rest of my belongings didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 773

You deserved it 3 137

Denial

By Anonymous - 18/11/2021 23:01 - United States - Bloomington

Today, I noticed several grey streaks in my hair while putting it in its usual combover. I'm only 18 years-old, and my hair was once one of my greatest sources of pride. FML

I agree, your life sucks 937

You deserved it 254

By wrongnumber - 14/01/2011 08:37 - United States

Today, someone posted online a listing for a bicycle for sale, and accidentally put my phone number instead of their own. I have received more calls in one day than I have from friends and family in a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 603

You deserved it 3 213

Don't do it again

By Anonymous - 12/12/2021 23:01 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, at work, I was criticized for mentioning the actual subject of an email in the subject line, as well as using a text marker to make relevant information stand out. Apparently, this is confusing for some people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 998

You deserved it 91

My feefees

By Anonymous - 17/02/2023 00:00

Today, I beat my boyfriend at chess, whilst also doing my homework and cooking dinner, and he got upset about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 792

You deserved it 137

It's Friday, I'm in love

By Anonymous - 05/07/2024 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to my boss with a major problem with our distribution software. His response was, "Oh, that is a big problem… Unfortunately it's now 5:31 p.m. and I'm officially on leave and going to Hawaii for three weeks, so it’s not my big problem. It’s yours." FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 125

By Radioo - 18/01/2010 09:00 - United States

Today, my rabbit died. He died a painful death from ingesting too much carpet. I now have no rabbit and a patchy carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 860

You deserved it 6 796

Better Red than Dead

By hypocrite much?! - 22/11/2021 01:59 - United States

Today, my rabidly pro-life friend has been touting off about, “My body, my choice” because of the proposed vaccine mandates. When I reminded her that she’s always been against women making choices about their bodies, she screamed I was a murdering, commie bitch. Thanks, friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 321

You deserved it 381

Spiderman meme

By Anna - 02/07/2009 13:31 - United States

Today, I called back a number I'd recently missed a call from. To my surprise, it was my boyfriend's fiancée's number. I've been with him four years, he's been with her for six. Turns out, not only is he a cheating jerk, but technically I'M the other woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 171

You deserved it 4 985

By panickygrl - 06/11/2011 17:43 - United States

Today, I had a panic attack. Not on a crowded train, or an airplane, or in school, or any of the expected places. It was in my yoga class, which my therapist recommended for me, while I was in a dead-body position. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 782

You deserved it 4 004

Are you lonesome tonight?

By Anonymous - 26/11/2021 14:01

Today, Thanksgiving Day and I have no family to spend with, all my friends are busy or out of town, and the only person actively talking to me is a random guy on Bumble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 188

Goober

By Anonymous - 25/02/2023 02:00

Today, at a local mini mart, I tried several times to open a door that clearly said "PUSH" by pulling it, much to the amusement to the customers and staff inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 229

You deserved it 805

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The Top

Today, I realized I'm getting my period pretty soon. How? I started crying and throwing plates because I thought we were out of sweet bread. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 344

You deserved it 17 723

Today, my friend joked to my co-workers that my kitty-cat of a husband was going to beat me for spending $200 on shoes. Later on, my rather large dog was so excited to see me when I walked in the door, he split my lip. Somehow, I don't think they'll believe me when I get to the office tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 823

You deserved it 3 300

Today, the mosquito infestation is so bad that multiple mosquitoes sucked the blood out of the steak I was grilling and promptly died on top of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 458

You deserved it 360

Today, a bat flew into my house. We locked it in my brother's room, complete with cats, and just barely got it back outside alive. We later found out it was an endangered species, so we also narrowly avoided arrest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 438

You deserved it 539

Today, after I bought a gaming system two days ago, for too much money, to distract myself from all the horrible things going on in my life and the world, it broke. So now I’m trying to distract myself from the thing I bought to distract myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 184

You deserved it 270

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he becomes insatiably horny whenever he hears "Jailhouse Rock" by Elvis Presley. It turns out that was the song on the radio when he was losing his virginity, when he was 16, with his sister. He insists it’s not weird because their parents are half-siblings. I can’t even. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 102

You deserved it 287