The Top

I didn't enter the raffle on purpose! It was a work event, and they gave us a ticket when we came in the door without telling us exactly what it was for. They had us rip them in half and keep one, then put the other in a container. I thought it was for attendance, or the food, or something. Then, toward the end of the event, they started drawing tickets and calling out the numbers on them for various prizes.

Pissed

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Windsor Heights

Today, I had to take a drug test for a new job. I ended up spilling the cup of piss all over myself. I had to explain what had happened, then go sit in a waiting room full of disgusted-looking people, while I kept drinking water to fill my bladder back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 729

You deserved it 6 586

By Anonymous - 02/04/2012 02:33 - United States

Today, the only person to wish me a happy birthday was a survey website. I took their stupid survey out of appreciation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 416

You deserved it 2 326

The hangover, part 46

By Anonymous - 19/07/2022 04:00

Today, it’s my birthday. I woke up with a raging hangover and my house being completely trashed from the party I didn’t really want, and can barely even remember, since I got so drunk from the nerves of having to host it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 360

You deserved it 1 017

Quite reasonable

By Anonymous - 11/05/2025 00:00 - United States - Riverside

Today, my kids are mad I won’t let them hang out at the “cool” parents house. You know, the house with no rules. I’ve heard way too many horror stories, too many true crime documentaries, plus personal experience, to ever let that happen. I will never EVER trust adults that like to party with kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 439

You deserved it 147

It's sus to us

By Clean up time - 15/11/2023 08:00

Today, I sat my husband down for a talk for him to stop going to his female coworker’s house until 1-2am. He insists they’re doing work projects. He became so offended that I thought otherwise that he thrashed the entire living room, stomped out of the house, and slammed the door, completely dislodging it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 998

You deserved it 159

Fly my beauties

By Newny_Newny_Newny - 12/05/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, I spent like $120 on Mother’s Day flowers and a big bundle of balloons for my wife. On the way to the car, the balloons detached from the string and floated away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 471

You deserved it 131

Terminally online

By Anonymous - 27/05/2021 17:01

Today, a thunderstorm killed our internet and I realized there were lots of things I could do "in the real world", but… I’m too tired to do any of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 507

You deserved it 627

Side hustle

By BlindsidedAFuhh - 15/08/2022 06:00

Today, my fiancé called off our engagement and broke up with me abruptly, because his mom "wouldn’t approve and I deserve a mother-in-law who would approve.” His mother passed away from COVID last year. I later found out that “mom” was code word for his other girlfriend, who he’s been seeing for a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 139

You deserved it 123

By coffee - 07/03/2013 13:44 - United States

Today, after my coworker bought coffee for me for the fifth time, I thanked him and asked him why. Apparently it's the only way to get me to shut up in the morning so he can get work done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 055

You deserved it 37 165

By bored2death - 23/07/2010 22:15 - United States

Today, I realized that the only one willing to hang out with me this summer is my guinea pig. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 272

You deserved it 6 223

Dali, eat your heart out

By anonymous - 19/11/2023 15:00 - United States - Rochester

Today, it's been over a week since I started painting a mural on my bedroom wall. Turns out, I'm not as artistic as I thought, because my attempt at a serene landscape now looks more like a psychedelic nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 230

You deserved it 458

Text arguments are the worst

By Anonymous - 14/08/2022 04:00 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I was upset with my girlfriend, but I didn't want to start an argument with her, so I didn't reply to her message immediately. She asked me what happened. I hesitated but explained nonetheless. She remained silent for almost an hour before replying she's busy at work, so she can't reply. Then why did she even bother to ask? FML

I agree, your life sucks 739

You deserved it 252

Long distance

By DumpedGirl89 - 22/06/2021 14:01

Today, my long-distance boyfriend decided to tell me he found a girl in his hometown he’s become attracted to, and that he doesn’t love me anymore. He says we can "still be friends." I’d just driven 100 miles to see him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 096

You deserved it 137

Noise cancelling anyone?

By Anonymous - 27/11/2023 22:00 - Sweden - Lidingoe

Today, just like every workday for the last 6 months, the construction workers in my building made loud noises in the morning and woke me up almost 2 hours before I would otherwise have to get up. This will continue for one more year. I'm not a morning person, and I live in a protected historical building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 461

You deserved it 149

Cheeky

By BurnedByAWaiter - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I went on a blind date at a fancy restaurant. My date was running a bit late, so I went ahead and got a table. I got bored, so I decided to ask my waiter how I looked. He stood there, then said that, "It's against company policy to mock customers to their face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 633

You deserved it 8 468

Thanks, I guess…

By leogs23 - 03/06/2021 06:01

Today, I was taking a shower with my girlfriend when she 'complimented' me by saying, "You’re cute, like a rat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 898

You deserved it 161

Ain't gonna end well

By Anonymous - 03/12/2023 00:00 - United States - Wilmington

Today, my abusive mom just moved into my house, within two weeks of me losing my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 537

You deserved it 149

By burning balls of fuck this - 25/02/2013 22:30 - United States - Oakton

Today, I locked my keys in my truck. The good news is that I have a spare set in my house. The bad news is that my house key is on the same keyring as my locked-in truck key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 675

You deserved it 9 728

By Anonymous - 06/07/2010 23:08 - United States

Today, I found out I'm being evicted from my apartment on my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 951

You deserved it 18 332

Faint praise

By Anonymous - 09/06/2021 11:02 - Romania - Iasi

Today, we had a group of friends over, as well as my grandma. She started talking about me when I was a kid, when I suddenly heard her saying, "Well, yeah, she wasn’t a beautiful child, not at all, she looked.… OK." FML

I agree, your life sucks 876

You deserved it 106

By petpeeeve - 11/03/2009 02:53 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time in our relationship and it was great. He drove me back to my house and walked me to the door, then instead of kissing me goodbye he patted me on the back. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 113 951

You deserved it 10 292

Tetchy

By Brokendishes - 21/08/2022 18:00

Today, my husband broke a set of dishes, told me I had to clean it all up, and stormed out of the house. It’s now 3:30am and he still hasn’t come home. Our 5 year-old son keeps asking about him. What warranted all this? Asking him how his day went. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 208

You deserved it 146

M'ladies…

By Anonyme - 08/06/2025 00:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I was at brunch when I heard a table of women laughing loudly and swearing. I went over and politely told them that their language was unattractive and unladylike. They laughed like hyenas and cussed me out until I walked back to my table. At this rate, I’ll never find a decent wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 1 651

Beep beep

By Crash - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I saw a woman still texting on her phone as she started to drive away when the light turned green. I made sure to stare her down and give her a dirty look because she wasn't paying attention to driving. She laughed as I rear-ended the car in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 290

You deserved it 62 675

Don't hate the player, hate the game

By lovebug - 24/08/2022 10:00

Today, after a new coworker flirted heavily with me and made me fall in love with him quite badly, it has become obvious that he has no interest in me, and just did it for the game of it all. I'm hurt and still don't understand why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 011

You deserved it 236

Feeling faint

By jacey - 12/06/2021 02:01

Today, I discovered that my body will go straight to “weak and lightheaded” before it even considers “hungry.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 889

You deserved it 102

Keep out of it

By Melanie - 11/06/2025 12:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I was in a heated argument with my partner. In the middle of it, Alexa stated, “I’m not sure about that.” We both paused. Then she added, “But it doesn’t sound healthy.” We were both so startled that we stopped arguing and just stared at the speaker like it was judging us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 138

You deserved it 470

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Annoying Hospital Work Management Language Miscellaneous Relatable DIY Mysterious Awkward Cars Embarrassing Cooking Coworkers Love Anniversary Divorce Transportation Health Surgery Healthy Lifestyle Growing old Money Technology Ironic Relationships Horses Animals Jealousy Birds

The Top

Today, just before going into an test, I broke my glasses on the way to the exam room. I'm short sighted, and I spent an hour with my nose glued to the paper trying to figure out what was written on it. It was a opthalmology exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 613

You deserved it 52

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated. We were having a lot of fun until I decided I wanted to be on top. He instantly got soft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 477

You deserved it 1 432

Today, I had my 7 month check up for my pregnancy. The nurse weighed me and said, "I see you've gotten into the Halloween candy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 674

You deserved it 3 973

Today, my fiancé and I were fooling around when his foreskin ripped and bled all over the place. After a trip to the emergency room, the doctor told us no sex for six weeks to let it heal. We're getting married and going on our honeymoon in two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 586

You deserved it 6 855

Today, I received a message from a weird guy that's been stalking me online. Apparently, he travelled 4 hours last weekend to go to the same event as me, just to stare at me. He knew a LOT of details. He never spoke to me because that would "have been weird". I don't know what he looks like, so didn't recognise him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 051

You deserved it 131

Today, I managed to squeeze a testicle between my thigh and a drawer while doing the dishes. From the floor, writhing in pain, I watched my wife laughing hysterically while our two year-old ran up to jump on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 348

You deserved it 94