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Deadbeat

By Puffy - 06/04/2023 04:00

Today, I’m packing up to leave my home and move back to my mother's with my newborn a week postpartum, all because when I was at the hospital, I overheard my husband say to his buddy on the phone that this “father stuff” is way more than he bargained for and that he’s tired of pretending to find me attractive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 418

You deserved it 176

Such a gentleman

By Harry123 - 01/09/2024 12:00 - United Kingdom - Swansea

Today, I was trying to be polite by holding the door for an elderly lady in a shop. What I didn’t realise was that the doors were automatic. I ended up standing there awkwardly for a good 5 seconds, holding onto thin air, while she just smiled and walked by. A bloke behind me said, “The doors don’t need your help, mate.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 147

You deserved it 401

By Anonymous - 07/10/2011 09:07 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend asked my father for permission to marry me. My father refused, on the basis that I'm the only person in the house with a job, and if I leave he will have to start looking for work. My boyfriend won't marry me without his permission, and my lazy father won't change his mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 500

You deserved it 3 639

By ahh - 28/12/2009 21:37 - United Kingdom

Today, the last person I invited to my birthday party called and said they couldn't come because another party "came up" and they "hope I understand". It's on December 31st. This happens every year without fail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 972

You deserved it 9 105

Awkward silence

By kayin - 10/12/2010 01:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I was giving a tour for parents who wanted to send their kids to our school. One of the parents had a kid on crutches with what appeared to be a broken leg, so I asked him how he broke it. He replied, "I was born like this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 493

You deserved it 6 606

By this sucks - 05/08/2013 04:00 - United States - El Paso

Today, after gaining all the weight back that I had lost after my first marriage, I realized that the only thing that fits me now is my wedding ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 136

You deserved it 9 832

By Invisible - 08/12/2010 21:55 - Canada

Today, I realized that the only time I've ever been noticed by my classmates is when I brought cake for the potluck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 652

You deserved it 3 304

Us and them

By I had to stand his ground for him. - 12/02/2022 02:00

Today, there's a boy in my high school who is being bullied because he is left-handed. Repeat: HE'S LEFTY. Are you fucking kidding me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 014

You deserved it 144

Long time coming

By Anonymous - 14/04/2023 13:00

Today, it's been 14 years since at our wedding my now-husband lost the wedding ring, and we had to rush to buy another, which delayed the wedding and cost us our honeymoon flight and thousands of extra pounds. I just got his old suit out to dry clean. The missing ring was in its box, in his jacket. I'm going to kill him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 961

You deserved it 270

By Anonymous - 27/08/2012 07:29 - United States - Brockton

Today, I got a flat tire. The spare was also flat, so I had no other choice but to walk home. I got to my house and realized I'd left the front door key and garage clicker in my car 5 miles away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 490

You deserved it 10 224

By calli - 25/12/2009 21:21 - United Kingdom

Today, I was working at the Soup Kitchen handing out special christmas dinners to the homeless. At the end of the day I collected my things and went home. It was only then I discovered that my wallet, phone, pager and (for some reason) my glasses has been stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 483

You deserved it 4 617

Otter struggles

By Anonymous - 17/04/2023 15:00

Today, wanting to surprise my boyfriend, I shaved everything "down there." When he saw the result, he burst out laughing and said I looked like a plucked chicken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 204

You deserved it 317

By Sickofbeingsick - 01/10/2011 05:17 - United States

Today, after a week of staying in at night and fighting off a persistent cold, I was finally feeling well again, so I decided to go to my boyfriend's work BBQ. I got food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 887

You deserved it 2 856

Does this smell weird?

By Anonymous - 13/11/2020 08:05 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, I found out that the shampoo I’ve been using has yogurt in, following a prank my boyfriend did. Turns out he forgot about it and I’ve been using it for 5 days now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 132

Under my thumb

By Anonymous - 17/04/2023 12:00

Today, I heard my girlfriend refer to me as her “boyfriend for now”, as in the guy she strings along until she meets the guy she loves and wants to marry. We’ve been together for two years and rent a flat together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 065

You deserved it 138

By I don't want to be here anymore - 03/11/2014 21:16 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I realized I need a new job. This happened when I was seriously considering ways to break my leg so I could stay at home for a day and not have to deal with my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 807

You deserved it 3 298

By Anonymous - 30/09/2011 01:33 - United States

Today, my parents came to visit me. I bought boxers and cologne to make it look like I had a man here. I've been single since I moved away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 975

You deserved it 28 407

By fail - 05/12/2010 06:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years called me on Skype while he was taking a crap. Think it's a sign that maybe we've been dating for too long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 278

You deserved it 5 858

By Cottagecheeseha - 20/08/2012 04:03 - United States - Monterey Park

Today, I pulled out a book and my bookmark fell out. My crush picked it up and a weird look came across his face. I then realized I had used toilet paper. Now I'm the girl who reads while taking dumps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 680

You deserved it 6 802

Gross

By gotanewmouse - 26/09/2011 10:37 - New Zealand

Today, I saw my co-worker sneeze into his palm, get up, walk to my desk and smear his hand all over my computer mouse. He then went back to his desk and continued with his work. Last week we had a workplace awareness meeting about my OCD and fear of germs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 041

You deserved it 6 808

By Anonymous - 03/12/2010 03:42 - United States

Today, my annoying and disrespectful roommate discovered Pandora. She also discovered that she can play Christmas music on Pandora. Only 23 more days until Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 480

You deserved it 4 245

Elaborate prank

By Anonymous - 26/04/2023 22:00

Today, my dear wife, an expert seamstress, took apart one shoulder of my favourite vest, looping the whole shirt through itself like a figure of eight, then stitched it back up. It took me over a full minute to realise why I suddenly couldn’t fold it flat, and she recorded me failing at it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 697

You deserved it 147

For fans of '90S UK TV

By Anonymous - 01/02/2022 17:00

Today, and since his retirement, my husband's enthusiasm for life has declined, his love of beer and crisps has skyrocketed, and his interest in personal hygiene has plummeted. Add to that his wearing of old, worn clothes with holes in he almost completely looks like Onslow from 'Keeping Up Appearances.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 941

You deserved it 185

By Sarah - 17/08/2012 07:45 - Canada - Penhold

Today, my house got broken into. They just made a mess. I saw a note on the kitchen table that read, "There's nothing good here. You have shitty stuff." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 162

You deserved it 3 073

Confused

By Anonymous - 26/09/2024 20:00

Today, I steeled my nerve, gritted my teeth, pulled my finger out, and asked our new coworker on a date. He looked at me weird, then said those four words, “But I’m not gay.” Five weeks we’ve worked together and all that time he thought I was a man. I’m a woman, born a woman, with a vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 611

You deserved it 162

By Madagascar - 19/12/2009 10:18 - Australia

Today, when my boyfriend and I were becoming intimate, his cat decides to jump onto the bed and lie right in between us. He then informs me that he wanted to stop to "preserve his cat's innocence." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 960

You deserved it 4 911

Don't knock until you try it

By Anonymous - 29/01/2022 05:01

Today, my boyfriend asked me to use a sex toy on him. Am I in the wrong relationship? FML

I agree, your life sucks 379

You deserved it 2 092

So infuriating

By Anonymous - 26/09/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, my sister-in-law had the nerve to hijack my baby shower to announce her pregnancy. It's all the more infuriating because we later found out that she's NOT pregnant, just a fucking attention whore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 715

You deserved it 97

Rite of passage

By tortilla - 29/11/2020 01:58 - United States - Petaluma

Today, I got punched after telling my 11-year-old cousin that her period is "coming for her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 279

You deserved it 1 312

Door dashed

By vibexeno - 31/01/2022 04:59 - Australia - Perth

Today, I opened my front door to see that someone else's McDonald's was delivered to me overnight, but the food was all moldy. The one time I get free food… FML

I agree, your life sucks 826

You deserved it 177

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he got me fired. Looks like my calendar is clear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 471

You deserved it 1 340

Today, I arrived to work at exactly 8 so I could leave at exactly 5, without overtime. I found out later that my brother took my keys with him somewhere and now I can't enter the house until he gets back at 11. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 148

You deserved it 910

Today, a 65-ish year-old man told me that he's married and not supposed to look at other women, but that I tempt him. All while sitting next to his wife, who then told me I was going to hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 689

You deserved it 1 668

Today, I told my husband it would be great to spend an evening with a bottle of wine and a pile of blankets on the balcony of our cabin during the cruise. He decided it would be great to ditch me and go out gambling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 263

You deserved it 6 268

Today, I managed to cut myself twice with a Swiss army knife. Stabbed in one hand and sliced a finger on the other. Good to know it's super sharp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 024

You deserved it 997

Today, I caught my husband masturbating to porn. I screamed at him and demanded to know why he was masturbating when he has a wife to have sex with. He said, "Because you always reject me?" I was about to yell back when I realized he was right. I'm a terrible wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 179

You deserved it 1 990