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By handymandy - 19/01/2012 11:44 - United States

Today, we received our honeymoon itinerary. Our travel agent booked our flight to Punta Cana correctly. Too bad she booked us a hotel in Orlando, Florida. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 058

You deserved it 2 610

By Anonymous - 09/12/2013 22:41 - United States - Lihue

Today, my boyfriend told me I'm beautiful. Before I could thank him, he continued, "Too bad it takes a shit-load of makeup." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 808

You deserved it 7 730

By themanontheright - 01/03/2010 20:50 - United States

Today, my boss was using my computer and tried to copy and paste a website URL. It must not have copied first, because it pasted a URL to a porn site. I think I should start looking for a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 793

You deserved it 38 997

Deadbeat

By Anonymous - 19/08/2021 17:59

Today, I reached a year and a half of working from home by myself, while taking care of my baby, since my boyfriend left me when we got pregnant. Something he’d always pushed for. Guess in the end it was just me doing the pushing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 053

You deserved it 210

Not funny, son

By Embarassed - 15/03/2011 19:29 - United States

Today, while at a school anti-drugs assembly, the speaker asked everyone to stand up if they knew someone who had died of an overdose. As I stood up, my friend hit me in the side, making me laugh. I stood frozen under accusing glares while the speaker bitched me out for a good 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 470

You deserved it 12 778

By Anonymous - 19/12/2012 17:12 - United States

Today, I was waiting in line to use the bathroom. I complained to the guy next to me about how long the lady was taking. I kept making jokes about it, but he never seemed to laugh. Finally, the door opened and out came a lady in a wheelchair. The guy next to me was her husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 467

You deserved it 65 649

By Username - 14/03/2011 06:53

Today, my ex-girlfriend moved out. I came back to a sparsely furnished home; she'd even taken the shower head, my beard trimmer, and the soap from the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 124

You deserved it 5 668

By Anonymous - 28/02/2010 11:16 - Canada

Today, a wild squirrel managed to get into my house. I can't see him… but I can hear him in the walls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 163

You deserved it 2 615

There goes the neighborhood

By Lorky - 08/05/2020 02:00 - United States

Today, I received an email from the office of the apartment complex I moved into two months ago. Apparently, a woman a few apartments down from mine was murdered. Time to pack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 519

You deserved it 152

By teejayrn - 18/12/2012 10:03

Today, I saw my daughter dusting her furniture with the white handkerchief I gave her as a wedding present. It's been in our family for 4 generations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 000

You deserved it 5 771

Major red flag

By Karissa - 24/08/2021 10:01

Today, I confronted my boyfriend about him and his female friend’s friendship making me uncomfortable. He responded by throwing the mother of all fits and punching a hole in the wall. He said I have to pay for the repair, because I "made him do it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 354

You deserved it 166

Not in the mood

By Sad lady - 29/03/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I found out my husband is sleeping with someone else, all because we haven’t had sex in a long time. He says, “Jerking off is too much work” and “I signed up to marry a human with a sex drive, not an emotionless robot.” He left out the fact that I’m grieving my mother’s death. Thanks for the support, Honey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 841

You deserved it 423

The truth will always come out

By cmendez - 26/02/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, my mother, who is 75 years-old, just told me and my sister that we were adopted. I'm 45 years-old and my sister is 49. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 903

You deserved it 2 310

Proactive

By Anonymous - 17/05/2020 20:00

Today, my fiancé left to take care of his little sister who lives alone and recently got COVID-19. To be cautious, he will remain there for weeks until he tests negative. Feeling lonely, I texted my mom for comfort. She immediately canceled our engagement party this summer instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 197

You deserved it 539

Not such a great friend

By Anonymous - 21/11/2022 02:00

Today, I was looking at my best friend because I zoned out, I then turned around to look at my dog. When I looked back, he was on one knee, saying that, “This is terrible timing but I’ve always loved you, will you marry me?” Two days before my wedding with my fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 595

You deserved it 192

By Anonymous - 24/02/2010 14:20 - Israel

Today, after months of searching I finally got a job interview. Too bad I didn't have enough money to buy a bus ticket to get there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 327

You deserved it 4 264

Anyone for cake?

By Anonymous - 09/08/2009 17:15 - United States

Today, it was my boyfriend's mom's surprise birthday party. I was sent to pick up the very expensive cake and dozens of balloons. Not only was it windy and the balloons flew away, I tripped and dropped the cake. In the driveway in front of all their family and friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 684

You deserved it 7 916

By Amanda - 26/11/2013 20:00 - United States

Today, my ex's mom got a job as our new soccer coach and recognized me from our New Year's party last year. She made me, and me alone, do 10 laps around the field in the rain for breaking her son's heart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 359

You deserved it 12 696

Weirdo

By you're just creepy. - 11/12/2012 08:39 - Canada - Whitehorse

Today, I smiled at a new kid and started a conversation with him, just to be nice. He later sent me 24 messages describing how strong his love for me is. I'm scared to go to school tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 121

You deserved it 3 755

By Chris Altenbach - 23/02/2010 20:55 - United States

Today, I got off from work and noticed that the weather finally warmed up after the recent snowstorm. I hopped into my car and rolled down the windows. When I opened the sun roof, a foot of snow came falling into my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 438

You deserved it 45 987

Good morals, you say?

By ELinDawk - 31/08/2021 01:01

Today, I think I found the person I feel is my soulmate while I was in Montana this past weekend. My friend’s wife’s best friend. She was perfect, same sense of humor, same sarcasm, good morals, and absolutely gorgeous. I was struck. And then I received a text message from my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 445

You deserved it 2 602

Losing

By unemployed and bereaved - 25/11/2013 05:03 - United Kingdom

Today, my boss claimed that I've been lying to get days off because apparently nobody can be so unlucky as to have three family members die within a month. I'm just that unlucky, and suspended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 718

You deserved it 2 833

By itsawonderfulife - 23/02/2010 06:25 - United States

Today, I was walking around my new school trying to figure out where to go. Then I realized I was talking to myself. Out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 570

You deserved it 10 760

Incognito browsing

By Anonymous - 26/05/2020 23:00

Today, my dad is super overprotective and can view my search history through his phone. I'd downloaded the Google app to be able search for things he wouldn't approve of. I just realized I've been making all these searches on my school account. I go to a private school and they can view my search history. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 018

You deserved it 2 496

By Coley - 29/01/2009 22:46 - Canada

Today, I went to the doctor to talk about my depression and low self-esteem. He told me that I shouldn't think of myself as a fat pig for being overweight. I don't think that and I'm NOT overweight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 993

You deserved it 3 701

Small mistake

By lorahayes - 05/01/2012 18:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I was on the train listening to my iPod on shuffle. The "Oompa Loompa" song came on, and slightly amused, I started humming it. It wasn't until I noticed that the man next to me was a midget that I understood the horrified looks I was getting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 963

You deserved it 10 313

Brave and honest

By Anonymous - 10/04/2024 22:00 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I realized that the woman I love, who is my best friend, deserves better than me at the nadir of my life. We're still just friends, but she's been a much better friend to me than I have been to her. It's time to disappear and fix myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 140

You deserved it 450

By Anonymous - 25/04/2016 16:03 - United States - New York

Today, I finally got to meet the new Director of my department. She was my intern eight years ago, the one I declined to recommend for a full time position due to interpersonal conflicts. She knows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 060

You deserved it 5 588

Freakout

By Anonymous - 04/01/2012 17:00 - United States

Today, when I woke up I checked my phone for messages, only to hear a woman screaming that I have been sleeping with her husband and that she is sending her 'people' after me. I have never met said husband. I panicked for hours, only to receive a call telling me she had dialed the wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 277

You deserved it 2 847

I'm not a kid

By Babyface - 02/09/2021 20:01

Today, I've come to accept that I'll likely never be intimidating or taken seriously, because despite being 6'3" and 205 lbs, I have the face of a 12 year-old. I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 139

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he flicks my clitoris just right, my legs both twitch spastically regardless of arousal level. He thinks it's hilarious and can no longer take sex seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 749

You deserved it 5 451

Today, my girlfriend referred to her yeast infection as "making bread." I can never look at bread the same way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 729

You deserved it 3 239

Today, I was hosting a pool party, when my husband and his friends got the bright idea of lighting one of the party balloons on fire. Needless to say, it immediately exploded. In shock, he jumped back straight into me, sending me and my $400 cell phone splashing into the pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 509

You deserved it 6 659

Today, a completely drunk girl walked across the bar and punched me in the face because I was wearing the same dress as her, and her boyfriend had said it looked better on me. While I was screaming at her for being a stupid bitch, she puked all over me, wiped her mouth, and laughed before she passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 168

You deserved it 4 719

Today, I complimented my crush. No, I didn't call her beautiful or sexy, though those definitely apply. No, instead, I called her scrumptious. I can't even begin to explain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 309

Today, my wife’s posh relatives, who I can’t stand, came for a visit. Within 30 seconds, the bloke had mentioned his new Jaguar, his kid mentioned his yacht holiday, and the wife actually turned her nose up at sitting on the sofa, putting her coat on it first, then sitting on the coat. Bleeding snobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 479

You deserved it 84