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Played a blinder

By hereforfmls - 26/12/2019 05:00 - United States - Jasper

Today, I felt something hit my eye as I was riding on my bike. My glasses ended up falling off. I looked for them for ten minutes before giving up. I ran over them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 612

You deserved it 429

By First Kiss - 07/12/2012 12:39 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, after a romantic dinner, movie, and stroll in the park, we had our first kiss. It would have been perfect, had a passerby not thrown rubbish at us for "unnecessary public display of affection." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 114

You deserved it 3 530

By louise - 05/01/2012 19:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I was on Skype with the guy I like. After a while of being on Facebook I forgot I was on webcam to him and started picking my nose. He ended the call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 093

You deserved it 55 978

By Ilostsomuch - 04/01/2012 18:30 - United States

Today, I came home to find that my mother had sold all my valuable collector coins for cheap at a local shady pawn shop to buy herself a TV. The coins in question were worth enough to start a business. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 565

You deserved it 3 068

By Anonymous - 06/08/2009 06:13 - Australia

Today, I had to call poison control because my idiot son swallowed a bunch of baking soda to "make a volcano in his tummy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 417

You deserved it 17 303

Never enough

By Anonymous - 29/11/2022 00:00

Today, my boyfriend bitched about the fact that I hadn't purchased parking to attend the football game I got us tickets for as his birthday present ($750). I purchased parking for $190 and now he’s bitching that I didn’t buy pregame passes - another $170! FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 200

You deserved it 179

By TextLoser - 05/08/2009 13:37 - United States

Today, I was sitting on the bus next to a hot guy who was texting. I sneaked a peek at his phone to see if he was texting a girl so I could know if he was single. As I looked at his screen, he turned it towards me and typed in caps "STOP BEING A CREEPER." He got out of his seat and off the bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 865

You deserved it 86 811

By Leigha - 02/01/2012 02:14 - Trinidad and Tobago

Today, I found out that if you see a tray with some black stuff in it and you can't decide whether it's powdered black pepper or cigarette ashes, it's not a good idea to taste it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 207

You deserved it 50 208

By corleon198425 - 19/02/2010 18:44 - United States

Today, I was walking to work, when I slipped and landed on my tail bone. Worse still, my hot coffee went flying into my face. I currently can't see out of my left eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 135

You deserved it 2 386

By LDL - 26/01/2009 22:56 - United States

Today, I organized a romantic evening with one of my old squeezes in the hopes I may re-ignite something special. She showed up at 8 and told me she had to leave by 9. She was gone by 8:30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 563

You deserved it 5 556

Baked

By Anonymous - 07/06/2020 05:05

Today, I was supposed to have my first job interview for a bakery franchise. Turns out all the applications are submitted to every store, and I was called to the wrong one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 408

You deserved it 123

By Champs - 25/01/2009 17:52 - Australia

Today, I downloaded the 'Dark was the Night' compilation made for charity. I have no soul. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 173

You deserved it 26 458

Thanks, appreciate it!

By witt75 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was overdrawn $15 at the bank. I paid in my last $80 in cash, only for them to inform me that I've been slapped with $90 in overdraft fees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 135

You deserved it 6 344

By Daddy. - 17/02/2010 08:15 - Australia

Today, I found out the hard way that my girlfriend lied about being on the pill four months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 064

You deserved it 8 357

By aatomkins - 02/08/2009 15:52 - United Kingdom

Today, after 3 long hours of mowing the lawn with a rusty lawn mower, my dad finally decided to tell me that he didn't get any money out to pay me with. The reason? He didn't think girls could mow a lawn and was expecting me to give up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 334

You deserved it 3 776

aatomkins tells us more.

aatomkins 0

Monday 3 August 2009 0:43

This isn't your average chore, I do those for free. No allowance, just a hourly rate for the hardcore jobs.

Close, but no cigar

By Anonymous - 08/12/2022 10:00

Today, after months of tests, I was the only candidate left for my dream job. Then, only a few days before the last meeting before signing the contract, I get a call from HR informing me their co-worker unexpectedly came back from unpaid leave and that they are obliged to give him the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 85

Squatters' rights

By Anonymous - 23/04/2024 22:00 - United States - Auburn

Today, I found out the person that I’ve been casually seeing has decided he wants to live with me. I found this out when I asked him to go home after two weeks sleeping over, and he told me he'd already moved out of his mom’s. I sublet a single bedroom and have barely enough room for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 576

You deserved it 178

Never ever

By notgettinsome - 10/11/2013 06:15 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my mother was scolding my youngest sister for having unprotected sex with yet another partner. She continued with, "Why can't you be like your brother and just never have sex?" I'm 22, and she's not wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 321

You deserved it 5 240

Make your minds up

By damngurl - 10/12/2022 18:00

Today, I got fired. Yesterday was my birthday and I was told I was getting a promotion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 117

You deserved it 130

By JBone - 22/01/2009 07:02 - Canada

Today, I was making a smoothie. I didn't plug in the blender until after all the ingredients were inside. I pushed the 'on' button. It was still on when I went to plug it in. With no lid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 421

You deserved it 33 364

Face value

By fuckface moron - 20/06/2020 02:17

Today, it was was my first day back at work as an esthetician. My first client refused to remove her face mask so I could perform the service. She demanded I just do her forehead, and that she’d only pay a third of the price since she’s only getting that part done. I refused and was written up by management. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 672

You deserved it 290

By AllergyRidden - 24/12/2011 22:05 - United States

Today, my Mom and I found out that we're allergic to the wood my Dad has been making fires with. She can't see, I can't breathe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 679

You deserved it 2 308

By Socarates - 18/02/2011 21:07 - Ireland

Today, I drove over 200km from Dublin to Galway, with a broken window. It rained for most of the journey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 283

You deserved it 5 702

By SeaSick - 15/02/2010 05:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went on a 1 day cruise to the Bahamas. It happened to be on the same day of the worst sailing conditions. We spent 6 hours throwing up together. Him into the sink, and me into the toilet. We spent $200 to see the inside of our cabin's bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 819

You deserved it 3 604

By babygurl69 - 20/01/2009 21:38 - Canada

Today, I woke up with a hangover, but went to school anyway without showering, applying makeup, and still wearing my pajama bottoms. While taking the subway, I bumped into my ex-boyfriend who I hadn't seen a year. His new girlfriend looked at me and said, "You look... tired." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 807

You deserved it 24 053

By davincidasecond - 05/11/2013 05:59 - United States - West Orange

Today, my brother and I got into an intense argument that ended up with us trading blows and having the cops called on us. Apparently I was "insulting his intelligence" by trying to explain that you don't make buttermilk by putting butter in milk. He's 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 059

You deserved it 5 131

davincidasecond tells us more.

davincidasecond 24

Tuesday 5 November 2013 22:15

This is OP. So to clear things up, neither of us really got into to much trouble, we just got off with a warning. The argument started off with the buttermilk issue and then touched on other personal issues (that I won't disclose), which is why the argument got so heated. One thing led to another, I shoved him, he punched me, i retaliated, etc. and soon enough the cops knocked on our door because neighbors called about a noise disturbance, not because we started to get physical. We usually butt heads about stupid things but this is the only time it got so bad. I take 100% responsibility for what I did, yes, it was stupid, and I completely deserve it. He and I apologized to each other and put it behind us, even though I'm annoyed at the busted lip he gave me, lol.

By Tymer - 23/11/2012 15:56 - Canada - Malahat

Today, while at school, a bra fell out of my coat. After the initial shock, people started congratulating me on finally getting a girlfriend. I didn't have the heart to tell them it was my mom's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 772

You deserved it 3 844

By Noname - 19/01/2009 23:12 - Australia

Today, I was watching TV and realised I am attracted to Sandra Oh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 621

You deserved it 18 422

By RayneSong - 20/11/2012 23:25 - United States - Lansing

Today, I'm in the hospital and it's been 44 hours since I've eaten anything. My doctors won't let me eat and my parents are sitting across the room, eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 096

You deserved it 1 830

Misunderstood

By nothungry - 29/07/2009 00:47 - United States

Today, after four years of anorexia and lots of recovery, my parents took me out to dinner with my counselor and whole family to celebrate my progress. I ended up eating something that made me vomit everything I ate. My parents now think I am bulmic and are sending me back to counseling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 400

You deserved it 5 156

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The Top

The Top

Today, I was carjacked. As he shoved me away from my car, I got hit by another car. He and the other car both drove off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 662

You deserved it 1 061

Today, while up in my room getting ready to go out, I thought I heard some trick or treaters knocking on the door. I ignored them because I didn't have any candy. The knocking got louder and longer. I walked downstairs, and noticed that the living room ceiling was falling down onto the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 595

You deserved it 5 098

Today, after being suspicious for some time, I learned that my husband really has been going to the library in his free time to study anatomy. Specifically female anatomy, with the librarian, in the back closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 209

You deserved it 684

Today, I found out the guy I’m in love with has been side-messaging one of my closest friends about hooking up for sex. This isn’t the first guy this has happened with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 274

You deserved it 217

Today, I diagnosed myself with a debilitating case of vicious circle: I am now too depressed to do the things that usually manage to pull me out of my depression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 413

You deserved it 163

Today, I spent almost 10 minutes cleaning my glasses because everything looked blurry. The problem wasn't my glasses. I was actually wearing my sister's, who apparently got almost the same frames as mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 241

You deserved it 128