The Top

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By Prego my ego - 23/07/2009 17:39 - France

Today, I had my first date with this guy I really like, who came to pick me up. Once I got into his car, my uncle comes out of the house and yells "Remember, pregnant girls aren't allowed to drink." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 098

You deserved it 7 873

By Anonymous - 18/10/2013 23:44 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I had an anxiety attack just from thinking about appearing on TV and being watched by a real audience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 475

You deserved it 6 148

By Anonymous - 09/11/2012 20:53 - New Zealand - Tauranga

Today, we found out that the beloved "Uncle Jimmy" from my early childhood was really the man my mother was cheating on my dad with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 253

You deserved it 1 689

Sentenced

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Orlando

Today, I realized I can't wait until my daughter moves out the house when she is 18. She's eight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 276

You deserved it 29 314

Better run

By bob the builder - 08/11/2012 14:36 - United States - Ridgeland

Today, I'm at work on a construction site for a high rise building, on the 12th floor today. I've developed a severe case of the runs, causing me to need to rush to the nearest toilet periodically. Luckily for me it's conveniently located on the ground floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 427

You deserved it 1 739

Merry little Christmas

By Anonymous - 06/12/2025 15:00

Today, I was uninvited to the family Christmas party. Apparently, everyone is tired of me "refusing to watch or discipline my own kids". Sure, one of them is autistic and has violent meltdowns, but I thought it took a village to raise a child? FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 1 064

By nottananny - 21/07/2009 08:49 - United States

Today, I realized why I was hired to be a nanny. Apparently the husband had eyes for the last nanny. According to the wife I am not attractive enough to be a threat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 757

You deserved it 3 536

That autumn smell

By Anonymous - 21/10/2021 02:00

Today, my cat vomited down my heater vent. It went very far down. I'm not even sure if I got all of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 142

By EB - 06/11/2012 01:01 - United States

Today, I'm so broke, I asked my parents if they'd pay for me to go to the eye doctor and consider it my Christmas present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 166

You deserved it 2 416

By Kay - 03/02/2011 05:33

Today, I was sitting on the toilet with a really bad and noisy stomach upset. Then I hear a knock on the bathroom door. My boyfriend had decided to make a surprise visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 840

You deserved it 3 175

By Awkward - 04/02/2010 16:03 - France

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, claiming moving in was a bad idea and he is the type who needs his privacy. It was his idea to move in, he had to convince me. Now we are stuck, under lease together for the next 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 897

You deserved it 3 731

By Grevling - 20/07/2009 19:07 - Norway

Today, I found out that the guy I've been dating for the past 7 months, who insisted on keeping us a secret because it was "too soon", is proudly showing off his new 19 year old girlfriend he met a month ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 412

You deserved it 6 204

Copycat

By Anonymous - 23/10/2021 14:00 - Canada - Enderby

Today, my father-in-law announced the name of his new son, my husband's half-brother. The first name and last name is the same as our son, who I gave birth to 4 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 191

You deserved it 100

Not now

By anonymous - 02/02/2011 05:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Right before I was about to climax, he asks, "Do you remember when you bought the homeless guy with one leg a hot dog?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 379

You deserved it 4 725

Sorry seems to be the harshest word

By Anonymous - 23/10/2021 17:00 - United States - Boone

Today, my girlfriend has yelled at me multiple times for saying sorry too much. It's involuntary, due to me constantly being told I never do anything right growing up by my parents. She knows this, and is even then one who helped me realize this, and still yells at me for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 037

You deserved it 177

Rise

By Anonymous - 03/02/2010 00:01 - United States

Today, I went indoor rock climbing with my uncle and his 5 year-old girl. I'm about halfway up the hardest ascent when my arm cramps up. As I stretched my arm, my cousin yells up at me in her tiny voice, "Prove you're a man and climb that wall!" I fell off. I was emasculated by a 5 year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 642

You deserved it 5 775

By Anonymous - 08/10/2013 21:16 - United States - West Chicago

Today, I got my daughter's school pictures. Instead of smiling, she did the duck face. She's 6. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 356

You deserved it 8 399

By gotnogame - 31/01/2011 03:13 - United States

Today, I went out with a girl I like. After a movie, we went to McDonald's. There was this couple making out. The girl I was with remarked about how lame it would be to go to McDonald's on a date. I thought we were on a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 079

You deserved it 37 960

By WildShortstop13 - 28/01/2015 22:20 - United States - Rapid City

Today, I fell asleep curling my bangs. I now look like Mrs. Potato head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 310

You deserved it 13 295

By loserllamalick - 07/10/2013 14:32 - United States - Rochester

Today, my boyfriend was rubbing my leg. He started laughing and said, "Babe, is this your leg, or am I petting Daisy?" Daisy is my dog. I need to shave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 737

You deserved it 39 701

Shake, rattle, and roll

By goddamn idiots - 29/10/2021 17:01 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I’m sitting in the ER pissed off at my teenage sons. They’re both violently ill from doing a shot contest to see who could drink the most. Alcohol poisoning? Nope. Caffeine overdose. They lost track of how many shots of espresso they were doing before they started puking and shaking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 258

You deserved it 169

By Elizabeth - 11/12/2008 05:13 - France

Today, a girl in my class turned around and said, "Wow, you've got your photo on a rubber! That's amazing!" The rubber was designed to look like a £10 note, and the picture was of the Queen of England. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 078

You deserved it 2 518

Improvised

By Geraldine - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, it's been three days since my husband got into free-jazz. He plays all the time in our small apartment. Loud. It's like listening to three guys build a shed for 10 giant angry wasps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 726

You deserved it 2 858

By bellaboop1990 - 14/07/2009 22:13 - United States

Today, my drunk boyfriend told me he thought of new positions for us to try in bed because it was getting boring. We haven't had sex yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 554

You deserved it 6 381

By hairy - 30/09/2013 21:59 - United Kingdom - Guildford

Today, I discovered that I have caught head lice from my son. Unfortunately, they are living in my chest hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 423

You deserved it 3 843

By inthefamily - 23/10/2012 13:29 - United States - Washington

Today, my fiancé's stepfather asked me how my teaching job was going. I replied heatedly that I've never taught, and then complained bitterly to my fiancé about how his family still doesn't know me. Turns out his stepfather has early onset dementia, and that I'm an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 558

You deserved it 36 341

By shadowfigure - 23/01/2011 05:47 - United States

Today, I was doing karaoke with my girlfriend's family, when the 5 year old came over and shut off my microphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 540

You deserved it 8 345

By crimsoncon - 25/11/2011 10:24

Today, my dog nearly died when my mom fed him chocolate. After finding out dogs are not supposed to eat chocolate, she promptly grounded me for not telling her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 534

You deserved it 2 816

By GuillermoCJ - 22/01/2011 05:36 - Mexico

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house and had to go to the bathroom. While peeing, I had a cough attack. The cough shook my body, making me pee all over my pants. My girlfriend's parents just arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 144

You deserved it 4 710

By surprise - 15/01/2015 20:30 - United States - Starkville

Today, I wanted to surprise my roommate by picking her up from class with her dog. Her dog decided to surprise me by dumping a load on my passenger seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 114

You deserved it 16 515

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The Top

Today, my dad called me into the bathroom, saying, "Get a load of this shit, son" and forcing me to look at the biggest, foulest-smelling turd I have ever seen in my life in the toilet. It's been three hours and I still feel physically ill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 810

You deserved it 5 806

Today, my parents were helping me construct my bed. We ended up not having enough screws to properly secure the frame. My dad mentioned that it might cause problems if I got a girl into my bed. My mom said, "Don't worry about it, we all know that's not going to happen." FML

I agree, your life sucks 104 644

You deserved it 9 219

Today, the stranger I sat next to on a plane was a better father to my son in three hours than my worthless boyfriend has been in five years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 482

Today, a VIP visited our building. I was put in charge of his hospitality and was very nervous. At one point, he asked me if he could, “Ahem… wash my hands.” Without thinking, I took him to our kitchen so he could use the sink. Turns out he needed a pee. He looked at me like I was an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 480

You deserved it 226

Today, and for all my life, my dad has been feral about protecting his BMW; we weren’t even allowed to look at it. Well today he decided I was allowed to drive it as an 18th birthday present. I was so nervous, I hyperventilated and passed out in the seat before I even put the key in the ignition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 411

You deserved it 171

Today, I tripped and fell, and didn’t realize my tank top strap broke. I walked around with my boob out for a solid 3 minutes in PUBLIC until my friend ran up behind me and yanked my tank top back up. He found it funny, and apparently everyone else got a great view. Talk about embarrassing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 254

You deserved it 382