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It's a holly jolly Christmas…

By Victor - 24/12/2020 14:02

Today, I usually take my daughter to daycare; my wife had to drop her daughter off at 8. The kid refused to get up, making them late. Wife argues with me, claiming I made her late. She said hurtful things and left late at 8:30. We haven't spoken and probably won't for the rest of Christmas week. I love Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 876

You deserved it 165

By Gremlinswife - 24/07/2012 20:25 - Canada - Chilliwack

Today, my mother bitched me out for not finishing my laundry. I'm a 37-year-old mother of three. She rents my basement suite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 964

You deserved it 2 671

Gremlinswife tells us more.

Gremlinswife 13

Wednesday 25 July 2012 19:53

I charge them rent but also pay them to babysit. They have a pretty sweet deal. My Husband works out of province i'm essentially a single mother 2 week of each month and my youngest son has special needs. Laundry is very low on my list of things to do in my kids waking hours lol

By baconbreath=| - 13/11/2010 05:12 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I had a picnic on the beach. It was so romantic and perfect. He leant forward to kiss me. Once we had kissed he said, "We haven't even started eating yet", and passed me a mint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 106

You deserved it 9 646

Impressive!

By ol faithful - 03/09/2011 09:24 - Canada

Today, I was at the bar with a date. My date made a joke about me being a slow drinker, so I tried to impress her by chugging the rest of my glass. She was impressed with how fast I chugged my beer, until it came back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 914

You deserved it 41 944

By Taylor - 20/07/2012 18:23 - United States - Columbus

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I wear makeup much. Expecting him to say something about my natural beauty, I replied with an honest, "No." His smiled softly, gently squeezed my shoulder, and said, "Maybe you should." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 494

You deserved it 3 763

Kids be shopping

By Anonymous - 09/06/2023 15:00

Today, all I heard in B&Q was my daughter laughing hysterically in the next aisle and sure enough, when I ran around, my husband was completely engrossed in some discount item on a shelf, completely ignoring our daughter who had opened a bottle of some sort of oil and painted her whole head in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 688

You deserved it 172

By elfevsnain - 29/04/2013 07:09 - Tunisia

Today, I was out horse riding. Some say that riding isn’t a sport, but I can swear that chasing after a horse that has just thrown you off is really tiring! FML

I agree, your life sucks 591

You deserved it 79

Booze blooz

By KayEffEh - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Canada - Georgetown

Today, my girlfriend admitted that she "probably wasn't even sober" when I asked her out and she said yes. Our almost 2-year relationship is the longest drunken mistake ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 720

You deserved it 3 597

Classic Mom moment

By me - 28/06/2013 15:51 - United States

Today, I went to my parents' house. I recently lost about 30 lbs. My mom hugged me and said, "Aww, you're not my chubby baby girl anymore." She then said she wished I were still fat because she missed it. She's the reason I lost the weight; she used to tease and taunt me. Thanks Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 667

You deserved it 4 057

By Anonymous - 09/11/2010 11:13 - India

Today, I saw an old homeless man who had just fallen down due to his drinking. Everyone laughed at him, but I felt bad, so I went to help him up. My reward? A quick punch in the face, landing me in the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 959

You deserved it 6 061

Play your cards right

By ShinobiForLife - 23/03/2022 18:01

Today, I realised that I keep both Naruto collecting cards and a condom in the same pocket of my wallet. Nothing says sexy quite like dropping a bunch of Gaara cards before getting it on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 333

You deserved it 1 214

By Anonymous - 27/06/2013 12:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I was doing a little victory jig after finally sending out the last of the invitation cards for my wedding when I realised that I had forgotten to put the date of the event on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 875

You deserved it 23 234

By _dopey_ - 17/05/2009 17:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I spilt boiling tea all over my stomach and left leg, so I went to the hospital to get it checked out. They said I wouldn't be able to expose it to the sun for the next two months. I'm going to Barbados tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 996

You deserved it 7 841

Filtered

By Anonymous - 09/11/2024 20:00 - United States - Monterey

Today, as a teacher, I was grading some essays when I yet again came across the word "unalive" when discussing the assassinations of JFK and Abraham Lincoln. As in, "JFK was unalived." I know language inevitably mutates over time, but us teachers don't have demonetization filters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 505

You deserved it 88

Best foot forward

By new dog - 14/09/2014 03:38 - United States - Gaithersburg

Today, I found out that my dog is a pro at pooping directly into shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 429

You deserved it 3 966

By michelle91 - 02/12/2009 11:36 - Malaysia

Today, while stepping out of the shower, I slipped and cut my head. I went to the hospital, got 8 stitches and was tested for head trauma. After hours of ignoring my calls and texts, my girlfriend finally responded, very angrily. Why? Today is her birthday, and I "selfishly made it about me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 164

You deserved it 4 162

Guess the FML

By Louis - 31/03/2017 21:20

What happens next to the poor fisherman dude? Check out the video find out.

I agree, your life sucks 599

You deserved it 172

Family matters

By Anonymous - 06/01/2021 08:01

Today, like every other day, my dad thinks my sister is autistic and needs therapy. He wants me to think that too. I'm pretty sure she is just introverted and hates our family. I wonder why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 992

You deserved it 94

Give my love to Kevin

By Gladtobealive - 14/06/2023 22:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, there's a family reunion in my parents' backyard. I'm not invited because my Mom, Dad, Aunts, Uncles and Grandparents are upset that I'm divorcing my ex-husband. Apparently, trying to kill me doesn't matter since he's funny, always made excellent barbecue chicken in past reunions, and everybody loves him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 292

You deserved it 135

Sometimes negativity is good

By Not again!!! - 11/11/2024 03:00 - Turkey - Istanbul

Today, my friend told me, "Just think positive!" to lift my mood. I unconvincingly replied, "Sure thing." An hour later, something positive did happen. When I took a Covid test. Maybe positivity just isn’t my thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 378

You deserved it 107

By çapousse2904 - 12/09/2014 05:45 - France - Le Pr?-saint-gervais

Today, my girlfriend put her hand on my abs and confessed that she was glad I'd secretly started working out. I couldn't bring myself to admit that I've been constipated for three weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 54

By loveletterbullcrap09 - 01/12/2009 08:22 - United States

Today, I cleaned out my husband's drawer. He had kept every love letter I wrote him for the past 7 years. I smiled, struck by how romantic he was. My bliss was short-lived as I realized that he had also kept every single love letter his other lovers wrote him while we were married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 202

You deserved it 4 004

Phoenix0614 tells us more.

Phoenix0614 0

Tuesday 1 December 2009 19:24

I'm the one who wrote this FML. I was organizing the drawer because I was trying to find our passports. I confronted him, and he admitted to TWO affairs. A few months ago, when I got sick out of town and had emergency surgery (acute cholecystectomy), I was stuck there almost 2 weeks. He never visited me once, because of "work", even though it's less than 3 hours away. I looked at our bank account--day of my surgery, he was buying sushi for two, and then breakfast the next morning. Oh yeah, he also bought a trip for two to Vegas over Xmas break. A week ago, he told me, via text message, he filed for divorce. So yeah, FML, several times over.