The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By our kids will be derps - 22/06/2013 19:28 - Canada - Nelson

Today, my boyfriend found an empty snail shell. I tried messing with him by saying the snail had turned into a slug, like caterpillars turn into butterflies. He quickly replied, "Yeah I know. I'm not a tard, babe." and said he'd been taught all that and more back in school. What the hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 498

You deserved it 6 958

By the girlfriend - 26/08/2011 10:41 - United Kingdom

Today, at my boyfriend's house, I met his mother for the first time. And promptly fell in their pond. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 097

You deserved it 4 172

By violet - 29/11/2009 22:52 - United States

Today, I was lying in bed minding my own business when my mom entered the room. I was proposed to a few weeks ago by my boyfriend, and my mom came in to tell me that my boyfriend's mom was on the phone. Turns out, he stole the engagement ring from her drawer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 127

You deserved it 3 464

By shrimp41 - 14/05/2009 19:47 - United States

Today, I realized that the only human being I have talked to in the last three days is the guy at the drive thru. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 927

You deserved it 16 242

Succession

By Anonymous - 30/04/2022 16:00

Today, I reunited with my mother and my sisters after a long time. I actually walked out of the reunion, too, after I drove 800 km away, only to find out that they're fighting over my late father's inheritance. I had vanished from my family because they were always possessive and crawling up my ass every time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 898

You deserved it 92

By TragicallyAnxious - 09/05/2019 10:00

Today, I had a draft paper due that I hadn’t written yet. I decided to skip the class to avoid embarrassment. Later, I went to change my major and was told to go to room 223 to talk to the English department head. I knocked on the door and the professor whose class I'd skipped answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 601

You deserved it 2 525

Covidiots

By Anonymous - 14/01/2021 08:01 - United States - Orlando

Today, I found out my roommate was exposed to COVID back on New Year's. She tested positive on the 4th and was scared too tell me because she, "didn't want me to see her as irresponsible." Now I can't work for 2 weeks and need to find a place to stay because my roommate still doesn't think it's "that serious." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 200

You deserved it 199

By Kendal - 23/08/2011 18:18 - Canada

Today, I was baking cookies. I stared at them for 15 minutes and finally asked my dad, "Why are these taking so long?" He looked up at the oven and replied, "It might help if you turn the oven on." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 182

You deserved it 49 839

That's not a real thing

By Anonymous - 22/06/2023 12:00 - United Kingdom - Flitwick

Today, after talking to a girl for a little over a month, and both of us saying we liked each other and FaceTiming each other for multiple hours each day, she told me I’m “too easy to talk to” and friendzoned me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 836

You deserved it 159

By Anonymous - 02/09/2014 21:29 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I found out that my girlfriend takes videos of me sleeping and watches them with her friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 977

You deserved it 3 572

Everyone's a critic

By Mark A. Collette - 24/06/2023 15:00

Today, I saw the "Weird: Al Yankovic" movie. What a waste of time that I will never get back. And I don't have that much time left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 233

You deserved it 882

Consolation prize

By my fault for asking - 27/11/2024 15:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I asked my girlfriend of six months to be honest and tell me why she didn't give me a chance at first, two years ago when I first asked her out. I guess I shouldn't have asked, because her response was, "At first I wasn't digging you that hard, but the guys I liked didn't have your personality." FML

I agree, your life sucks 169

You deserved it 501

By TheFatOne - 31/08/2014 19:27 - United States

Today, I had to cancel my plans to go see my grandma, because I wasn't feeling too well. I called her to apologize, but she had trouble remembering who I was. When I told her my name, she said "Oh, the FAT one." Yes grandma, the fat one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 939

You deserved it 5 573

By The captain - 21/08/2011 23:09 - Canada

Today, I found out what it's like to get brain-freeze while recovering from a head injury. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 468

You deserved it 4 664

By snoozlagist - 30/10/2010 04:52 - United States

Today, while on the bus, I began to fall asleep. Suddenly, a man next to me started laughing very loudly, scaring me and jolting me out from my nap. I was so scared, I reflexively punched the girl in front of me in the face. I was pinned down by three other men while the cops were called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 513

You deserved it 10 411

To do what?

By Anonymous - 01/04/2022 18:00 - Australia - Shailer Park

Today, I opened my boyfriend's bedside table drawer. There was a condom wrapper in there. We don't use condoms. He claims he didn’t have sex with anybody, he just wanted to put the condom over his hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 113

You deserved it 211

What the actual…?

By Anonymous - 28/06/2023 22:00

Today, my friend bit me. The first time I said "Ow!" and pushed her away. The third time really hurt, and I got mad and said, "Don't fucking bite me!" and walked away angrily. She chased after me and told me I couldn't be mad at her, then got mad when I wouldn't talk to her. She didn't say sorry once and it started bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 962

You deserved it 131

By Anonymous - 29/08/2014 16:17 - United Kingdom - Slough

Today, after finally getting rid of an extremely rude, abusive customer, I muttered that I could kill people like her. I didn't know my manager had heard me, until a pair of police officers arrived. He'd reported me for "threatening to murder a customer". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 024

You deserved it 11 153

By anonymous - 04/07/2012 14:45 - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed. Two hours later I get a text from my ex announcing he has just been diagnosed with chlamydia. I now have to explain this to my fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 199

You deserved it 34 850

Bored

By Taylor parsons - 29/10/2010 04:48 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 477

You deserved it 7 555

U-turn

By deweyd8855 - 03/07/2012 02:22 - United States

Today, I moved back home after unsuccessfully trying to find work in Florida, despite living there for nine months. About 45 minutes into my 18-hour drive home, a TV station called me to offer me a job interview. I applied for that job over three months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 281

You deserved it 2 498

Desperate nan

By Anonymous - 10/05/2009 04:18 - United States

Today, I graduated from college with two undergrad degrees in biochem and wildlife biology, with high distinction. My mom told me she had found me a job at a petting zoo. I thought she was joking. She then said sternly, "I want grandkids. At least you will meet girls there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 385

You deserved it 3 570

By Chels - 18/08/2011 20:25 - United States

Today, the ex I still have feelings for made a post on Facebook announcing her two month anniversary with her boyfriend. She broke up with me less than two weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 957

You deserved it 3 135

Sweet dreams are made of these

By Anonymous - 03/04/2022 18:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I found out my two favorite heterosexual female coworkers are cheating on their partners with one another. I kinda wish someone had invited me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 305

You deserved it 1 222

Jealous much?

By Ruthie - 05/07/2023 18:00

Today, I can no longer talk to my best friend thanks to his insecure, overbearing girlfriend of 3 months. We never talk about anything that crosses boundaries, and it's actually him who initiates the conversations. She’s forced him to block my number and social media accounts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 094

You deserved it 194

By scaredscreenless - 16/08/2011 19:27 - United States

Today, I was on my back patio talking with my husband. It got dark outside, and I saw something shuffling in the back yard. I freaked out so bad that I went to run inside, only to fly face-first into the screen door. Turns out the shuffling was a baby rabbit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 697

You deserved it 27 387

By sonofaneuroticwench - 20/08/2014 20:08 - United States - Rice Lake

Today, my dad and I got into an argument, and he ended up calling me a son of a bitch. My mom heard and started arguing with him over him calling her a bitch. Three hours later, I'm now staying at my gran's house with my mom and hoping her threats of a divorce weren't for real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 726

You deserved it 3 404

Silver linings

By Username - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got a really bad sunburn on my face while at the lake. Not to worry, though; my friends made me feel better by saying, "It takes the attention away from your acne." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 084

You deserved it 4 072

No good deed

By mjperfetti84 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I helped an old man with his groceries, because he was struggling and he had a cane. After, I was nice enough to drive him home. He went to thank me by giving me a kiss on the cheek. Then he stuck his tongue out, and tried to French kiss me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 897

You deserved it 6 240

Annoying and creepy

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Singapore

Today, my coworker insisted there must be an underlying, romantic reason for why I spend so much time teaching him everything, and that I didn't mean it when I told him that's what I'm paid to do. I'm actually supposed to train this guy for three weeks. Two more weeks to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 332

You deserved it 2 803

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Technology Money Work Animals Relationships Horses Jealousy Birds Embarrassing Relatable Transportation Cars Miscellaneous Photography Mysterious Neighbours Cute I need your advice Clothes Family Love Cops Kids Abuse Intimacy NSFW Sex Mental health Ironic Haircut

The Top

Today, it's been 3 days since I moved into my new house. I'm already known as the neighborhood racist, after some dicksplash thought it'd be funny to tape a sign to my door overnight that said: "DO NOT RING IF YOU ARE A NEGRO AND/OR JEW." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 620

You deserved it 2 569

Today, after months of being pestered to do so, I finally read the first Harry Potter book. I hated it. Upon hearing this, my girlfriend posted the fact on Facebook, where I immediately received tons of abuse and eventual shunning by my friends, family, and coworkers. My girlfriend just laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 251

You deserved it 45 872

Today, I went to my hair dresser to get my haircut. When she asked me what I wanted, I told her "the usual". She confused me with another customer and gave me a mullet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 470

You deserved it 33 101

Today, it became apparent that my new boyfriend has the mental process where unless you give him specific instructions, he can’t do anything right. Such as when asking him to let the dog out, it won’t occur to him to let the dog back in until I get home. By then the dog had destroyed the garden out of boredom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 906

You deserved it 265

Today, I was in the hospital. My mom was with me and the pump was beeping for over two hours because everyone was busy with other patients. The Asian doctor came in and my mom said, “THESE PUMPS SOUND LIKE CHINESE TORTURE!“ He stared at her and was like, “Umm. We don’t actually do that there.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 622

You deserved it 156

Today, I was having sex with my partner and we got very into it. I went to wrap my hand around his neck and somehow accidentally poked my finger in his eye socket so hard he ended up in emergency. He still can’t see properly out of that eye now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 400

You deserved it 269