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By cj1012 - 08/07/2012 03:16 - United States

Today, a homeless man started to wet himself in the recliner at the coffee shop where I work. He then walked all the way to the bathroom, only to finish urinating in a puddle right in front of the bathroom door. Guess who cleaned it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 430

You deserved it 1 875

By Avdhut Joshi - 11/05/2019 20:00 - India - Thane

Today, I set an alarm to wake up for a football match. I woke up after it finished. Turns out, I set my alarm to 12:15 p.m. instead of a.m. I ended up missing one of my team's best performances. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 119

You deserved it 1 533

No, not them!

By Anonymous - 16/01/2021 17:01 - Canada - Charlottetown

Today, after there was only one family that hated me enough to beat me up when we were kids, and we still don't get along as adults, my youngest brother is now dating into that family, and one of my older brothers is dating into that family too. It's like some kinda sick curse, or karma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 853

You deserved it 145

By heheheh - 22/08/2011 06:43 - Canada

Today, I burned my tongue. With a flat iron. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 986

You deserved it 57 762

Neuter your pets

By Anonymous - 18/01/2021 20:01

Today, our cat is in heat. Her male counterpart is sitting outside my bedroom door, serenading her loudly, and has sprayed his piss all over the house, making sure she cannot escape him broadcasting his availability. FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 1 266

The punch from beyond the grave

By Anonymous - 01/04/2022 14:00

Today, my brother‘s will read that everything would go to our other brother, so long as he punched me for having an affair with my his wife. So now I have a black eye. I’m gay, but I've never told my family. I didn't have an affair with his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 332

You deserved it 201

These people walk among us

By Vivky - 29/11/2024 00:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I went on a blind date set up by old college friends. The dude was very nice, then we started reminiscing about our high school and college years. I mentioned people doing stupid challenges, which is when I made fun of the idiots who ate Tide Pods. Turns out he was one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 491

You deserved it 116

By newswithabitofbite - 28/08/2014 10:31 - Australia - Richmond

Today, while walking to work, I found out what it feels like to be hit in the face by a rolled up newspaper thrown from the window of a moving car by a paper boy doing his rounds. It hit hard enough to give me a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 881

You deserved it 3 232

By monogamous - 28/10/2010 09:26 - Australia

Today, I met my husband's other wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 486

You deserved it 4 809

Great first impression

By FirstImpressionist - 11/05/2022 14:00

Today, at work, where I am the boss’s son, I introduced myself to the new guy and starting working on a project. Not five minutes into it, I apparently had a seizure, passed out, smashed my face on the work table, and regained consciousness in a state of confusion with EMTs surrounding me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 000

You deserved it 146

Time for a BBQ

By Anonymous - 17/05/2019 13:59

Today, my friend hit a bird with her car. She asked me to get it off for her, so I reluctantly complied. It came off. In pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 557

You deserved it 217

Zoom will end us all

By Anonymous - 25/01/2021 20:01

Today, I had a bad fight with my brother. He started screaming at me, then I hear, "Sam your mic is unmuted." The fight was about him telling my dad that I'm pansexual. I came out to my whole class and my dad. By accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 954

You deserved it 538

By Anonymous - 26/10/2010 11:02 - Ukraine

Today, I found that windshield wipers on my car had been stolen. I bought a pair of new ones for around $10 but when I was trying to put them in place, I failed to hold a wiper holder and it slipped down on the windshield, causing cracks. Now I have to replace the windshield which will cost approximately $150. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 283

You deserved it 7 247

Kolobok tells us more.

Kolobok 0

Wednesday 27 October 2010 13:17

Hi to all! I'M THE AUTHOR OF THIS FML :) Thanks for your votes and conversation! Some remarks: my car is Skoda Fabia (2002), windshield was Ok before this thing happened, and the windshield was cracked by the wiper holder (wiper arm), without a wiper itself. It of course didn't break into pieces - just the inferior layer of the glass got a "star" of cracks 10-15 cm each which are gradually growing :( P.S. In my country (Ukraine) average month salary is probably ~$250 and up to 1/3 of people live for half of that. P.P.S. I myself was surprised to see my wipers stolen as those old ones cost $3-4 max :) And I thought that steeling such things was left somewhere in 1990-s

He studied the blade

By Anonymous - 20/03/2022 05:59

Today, I dropped and snapped a carving knife that’s been in my girlfriend's family for generations, and is used to carve the meat every Christmas. I'm a huge coward, so I hid it back in its box but when it gets taken out again Christmas Day 2022, I think I’m a dead man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 1 489

By Anonymous - 11/06/2013 16:11 - United States - Barrington

Today, I decided to try wearing eyeshadow, even though I'm not that girly. When I asked for help after several failed attempts, my sister walked in and said, "It's easy, just do what I do." She put the makeup on herself and looked amazing. She's eight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 009

You deserved it 6 856

Slumlords

By Nelson - 11/04/2022 12:00 - Netherlands

Today, and for the last two weeks, my asshole landlord refuses to fix the hot water supply. My shower is now so cold that peeing on myself while washing is actually helping. I need a new place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 117

You deserved it 94

Reflex

By Lance - 07/07/2023 22:00 - Australia

Today, I realised that I have been a teacher for far too long when I told a random stranger I saw at the mall to tie up their shoelaces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 624

You deserved it 242

And yet, here you are! Congratulations!

By Anonymous - 07/12/2024 16:00 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I wrote a submission to FML and I realized that I could be doing so much more with my life than this. I mean really, I have real life stuff to deal with, and I don't have the time to be reading these s*itposts, much less making my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 613

By altocrm - 24/10/2010 04:11 - France

Today, my girlfriend came over to me, like she was going to kiss me, and instead rubbed her chin all over my face, exclaiming, "Can you feel my beard coming in?" Yes, yes I could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 365

You deserved it 4 246

By nolinguist - 22/11/2009 17:39 - Austria

Today, I arrived in Austria. Within about an hour, I realized that I couldn't understand any "German". Turns out they have a totally different dialect here to anything I was taught in school. I'm here till May. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 336

You deserved it 18 809

Mr Clean

By Anonymous - 08/07/2023 15:00 - Germany

Today, my boyfriend is mad at his landlady because she hasn’t followed through yet on the new front door she promised a month ago. He, on the other hand, has neither cleaned the toilet, nor washed any dishes since he moved in. Which was… a month ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 646

You deserved it 187

By Oraashi - 26/06/2012 17:18 - United Kingdom - Stoke-on-trent

Today, I confessed my feelings to the girl I've been in love with for three years. Her response was to well up, start crying, and ask me why I had to have chosen her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 296

You deserved it 2 904

Comfortably…

By MrZach - 21/11/2009 23:21 - United States

Today, I had a tooth pulled. An hour or so later, I removed the gauze from my mouth, because I thought the bleeding had stopped. I got on my laptop. A few minutes later I looked down, to see that I had drooled blood all over the keyboard, and didn't know because my mouth was numb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 890

You deserved it 33 972

Sometimes it's better to be ghosted

By Slob - 15/05/2022 10:00

Today, the guy I’ve been seeing ghosted me. I called, and he answered on the fourth call. He said, “Listen, you’re too fat for me and you eat like a slob everytime we go out to eat. Try getting a salad instead of chicken wings and onion rings, and maybe you’ll keep a man. Do it for your health too.” and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 065

You deserved it 664

By Fuperman - 02/06/2013 23:14 - France - Illange

Today, I went on my first ever assisted skydive. I fainted after we jumped, and only came to as we touched the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 709

You deserved it 6 739

By Ser17 - 10/08/2011 17:47 - United States

Today, I was preparing food in the microwave. I hadn't noticed that a fly had flown in until I noticed its melted corpse engraved into my hot-pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 954

You deserved it 5 911

HOAs suck

By Slivered - 18/11/2009 09:50 - Canada

Today, my condo board refused to lift the new policy, which requires pet owners to carry their dogs in common areas after someone's dog kept peeing in the hall. I can't physically carry my two dogs, so I'm now forced to wheel them through the building in a borrowed baby stroller. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 146

You deserved it 3 970

By lsta - 04/05/2009 04:40 - United States

Today, I donated blood for the first time, and all the nurses kept complimenting on how good my veins were. That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me in the past 2 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 096

You deserved it 4 441

Help?

By StungAlot - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got stung by jellyfish. As I was writhing in pain on the beach, my dad comes up and asks me to be quiet and that I'm embarrassing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 729

You deserved it 2 821

By annonymous - 18/06/2012 01:57 - United States

Today, my dad approached two girls at a store and told them I'd crashed into their car. They didn't find it funny either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 378

You deserved it 2 047

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Today, I’m a babysitter for a 4 year-old little girl. All afternoon, I attended Barbie’s murder and subsequent funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 93

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me and filmed it, because it would "be a big hit on YouTube." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 268

You deserved it 2 000

Today, my mum asked me how the guinea pig was doing. We don't have a guinea pig. Turns out she had volunteered me to look after the next door neighbor's guinea pig when they were away and 'forgot' to tell me. They have been gone two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 023

You deserved it 3 855

Today, my husband told me that occasionally I pick my nose while I sleep. I didn't believe him so he showed me the video he took of it. He wants to post it on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 867

You deserved it 3 302

Today, a car backed into mine. I thought that was pretty bad, until another car backed into me right after I'd finished taking the first guy's info. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 441

You deserved it 2 198

Today, I received a package at work. Thinking it was something I ordered, I opened it in front of my coworkers. It was a gift from my grandmother: a giant pink, “I Love My Grandson” T-shirt. The worst part? They insisted I put it on and take a picture to send to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 333

You deserved it 308