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Stop!

By Max - 30/01/2017 18:00 - United States - Bluffton

Today, I grabbed a coffee at the McDonald's drive-thru on my way home from work. As I drove away from the restaurant, a kid darted across the parking lot right in front of me. I had to slam hard on my brakes to avoid hitting him, in the process spilling my hot coffee all over my jeans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 144

You deserved it 666

Big lad

By Anonymous - 07/11/2020 20:01

Today, I admit I’m a bit of a big lad, but I never knew how big until I was desperate for a shit so I sat on, and broke, a toilet, flooding the bathroom, at my girlfriend's parents house, the very first time I met them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 190

You deserved it 252

Wait until she's left the room at least!

By Anonymous - 08/09/2024 20:00 - United States - Truckee

Today, I messed up by forgetting that reflections on glasses can make a private experience VERY public. I only this realized after my mom asked what I was looking at; she definitely saw a lot more dick than she would have liked. I feel like such a perv. FML

I agree, your life sucks 116

You deserved it 551

By Mike Polk - 03/10/2011 12:37 - United States

Today, there was a guy following me, so to avoid him, I crouched down and basically waddled behind a wall to get past him. Sure enough, first thing I see when I get around the corner, while still waddling, was an unhappy midget couple staring right at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 211

You deserved it 5 952

Useless tools

By IronMonkey - 09/06/2009 19:39 - United States

Today, I work for a company that sells a leading brand of condoms. They give away free condoms to employees at the office. I haven't gotten laid since I began working here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 808

You deserved it 7 050

By Anonymous - 25/12/2009 08:14 - Canada

Today, I found out my ex got invited to our Christmas Party. I also found out that she got much more presents and money from my family than I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 428

You deserved it 2 985

By TheStressComesFree - 31/07/2013 16:47 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was told that I have to apply to keep the job that I've held for the past two years. There are so many other applicants that it's basically a free-for-all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 292

You deserved it 3 357

By Vxale - 29/09/2011 17:20 - United States

Today, I met my new dentist. His teeth are worse than mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 688

You deserved it 3 061

By Anonymous - 05/12/2010 18:25 - Singapore

Today, I took a nap because I've been sick for the past week and I was exhausted. When I woke up, my hair, shirt, pillow, and bedsheets were soaked. I threw up all over myself in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 783

You deserved it 3 268

Short King

By Anonymous - 26/01/2022 08:01

Today, I'm a 5ft2 guy and I was at the seamstress's getting some dressy pants shortened for a wedding this week. She got it to the right length, then told me, "Don't worry, you're still growing." My dad started laughing, and she stared at me as I told her that I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 329

You deserved it 130

Al Pacino

By scar face - 20/04/2023 06:00

Today, and for the last year, I have a disfiguring scar on my nose that I’m very self conscious about. My 4 year-old niece recently noticed it. Now every time she sees me she leans in real close and says, “What’s wrong with your face?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 787

You deserved it 83

Trickery

By Patryce - 16/04/2026 00:00 - United States

Today, my doctor inadvertently let the cat out of the bag that I don’t have cancer in front of my husband. I’d told him I had cancer to stop him from leaving me for his colleague who he’s absolutely moonstruck over. When we got home, he gave me the silent treatment. He went out and never came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 1 359

By JubileeBee - 28/09/2011 10:46 - United States

Today, I found out that my seemingly innocent 80-something neighbor has been stalking every girl in the neighborhood, and considers me his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 419

You deserved it 2 421

By graduate - 06/06/2009 13:17 - United States

Today, I got a computer. When I opened it, I found out that my dad had made himself the administrator. He made it so everything shut off after 11 o'clock, and made it so I couldn't download anything without his password. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 995

You deserved it 7 615

PSA: Don't be this guy

By Ih8ungratefulb - 23/04/2023 00:00

Today, I confessed my feelings to the love of my life. She laughed and said, “Nah, you’re like a brother to me, I can’t see you that way.” This after I drained my wallet for her birthday, brought her flowers and comforted her when her dog passed away, and fixed her car every time it broke down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 345

You deserved it 1 823

Many such cases?

By Why Universe? Why!? - 20/04/2026 00:00 - Philippines - Makati City

Today, my girlfriend's mom and my dad met for the first time. We discovered that they are each other's exes, and not only that, my girlfriend, whom I have been dating, hanging out, confiding with, being intimate with, shared each other's first times, and plan to marry, is actually my half-sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 639

You deserved it 68

By Anonymous - 21/08/2012 06:31 - United Kingdom - Evesham

Today, my girlfriend decided that having OCD will help her lose weight. She is now convinced that walking in and out of doorways multiple times will burn fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 093

You deserved it 2 422

Where's my stuff?

By freezingtodeath - 04/12/2010 00:11 - United States

Today, I went into Target's dressing rooms to try some pants on, leaving my full cart outside. An employee thought it had been left there, and took it to put the stuff back. My coat, hat, gloves were in it. I had to walk home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 719

You deserved it 22 990

By Anonymous - 05/06/2009 20:54 - Denmark

Today, I was at a bar. A fat guy looks at me for a while and sits down next to me. He turns and I expect that he'll hit on me. He then buttons down his shirt, presses his man boobs together and say to his friends “Look, I’ve got bigger tits than than the girl next to me!" His friends agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 121

You deserved it 6 156

"I'll never drink again!"

By Lewis - 16/12/2018 00:30 - France - Paris

Never say never!

I agree, your life sucks 177

You deserved it 266

By ineedsleep - 30/10/2014 14:15 - Finland - J?rvenp

Today, I found out that there's a very loud and frisky couple living above my bedroom, and a family with a crying baby living above my living room. At this rate, I'll end up sleeping in the bathtub in my own home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 727

You deserved it 2 755

Supportive

By Username - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mother followed me to work to see what I got up to. I'm a fitness instructor in a ground floor gym that has big windows overlooking the street. She stood outside and waved at me for half an hour, while I tried to concentrate on teaching a visibly amused class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 121

You deserved it 2 465

The great pretender

By theraarman - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has to pretend to have another boyfriend who isn't me, because her siblings and cousins don't like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 134

You deserved it 3 231

Bigmouth Strikes Again

By Mr. FootInMouth - 23/11/2020 07:56

Today, I learned that my brother has been secretly married to his girlfriend for over a year. That means that during Christmas break, when I told him that she was a "toxic bitch" and that he should leave her before she drags him down with her, they had already been married for 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 403

You deserved it 484

Some fun was had

By Anonymous - 24/09/2024 22:00 - United Kingdom - Barnsley

Today, I got home from a holiday to find out that my flatmate had thrown a party. Everything seemed fine at first, then I noticed that someone had taken a dump in my running shoes that were in my bedroom closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 514

You deserved it 85

Magic trick

By alone - 23/09/2011 11:04 - China

Today, I was sent home from work early because of structural issues. I walked in on my unemployed boyfriend cuddling another woman on the couch. When I confronted them, he freaked out and kept trying to convince me that I was dreaming. I don't know what I ever saw in this loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 797

You deserved it 4 814

Dominion

By baby.momma2 - 26/11/2020 19:58

Today, I told my boyfriend I was unsure of the future of our relationship, so he gave me a gigantic hickey to "show the world that I'm his." I work as a cashier and see people I know personally on a daily basis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 323

By theflow - 15/08/2012 17:08 - Australia - Perth

Today, thanks to a new form of birth control, I've now been having my period non-stop for six weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 269

You deserved it 4 555

By Username - 29/11/2010 14:22

Today, a woman laughed after hearing my voice for the first time. This happens whenever I meet someone new, without fail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 055

You deserved it 3 253

By dog_day - 19/12/2009 06:20 - United States

Today, I was asked by my mom if I could have a joint birthday party with her dog, because it would be the dog's "Big 1-0." She was completely serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 435

You deserved it 2 707

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The Top

Today, my boss put me on suspension, a week after granting a subordinate time off to recover from surgery. When I signed the paperwork, I was too embarrassed to admit I didn't understand her writing, which apparently said she was getting treated for "dangerously low levels of dick". FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 424

You deserved it 25 164

Today, I got into an argument with my dad in his hotel room. I lost my temper and stormed out onto the balcony for some fresh air, at which point he decided to lock the door behind me, trapping me there for half an hour while he watched TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 959

You deserved it 12 143

Today, at the age of 17, I had my first kiss with the girl I've liked for over a year. However, it was a stage kiss and the girl has made it clear that she finds me repulsive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 637

You deserved it 4 640

Today, I was working at Coldstone. When a customer tips us we are required to sing. A late night DJ came in, put 20 dollars in the tip cup, and asked to hear every song we had. After we sang one song he looked at me and asked me to please stop singing or he was taking his money back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 147

You deserved it 8 981

Today, I got punched after telling my 11-year-old cousin that her period is "coming for her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 279

You deserved it 1 312

Today, it was a normal day working as a medical receptionist, until I told a wheelchair-bound patient to “take a seat” out of habit. She responded with, “I brought my own!” I have never felt more embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 889

You deserved it 315