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By hurts.to.pee - 19/01/2012 05:14 - United States

Today, I explained to my dad that I think I have a vaginal infection. I asked if he could take me to the doctor. He responded by saying, "Just shove some ice up there. It'll go away." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 232

You deserved it 3 798

How could you?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was woken up by my 5 year-old daughter hitting me with a pillow because she had a dream that I was using her toothbrush on the dog. We don't have a dog. She is now refusing to brush her teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 505

You deserved it 4 226

By Anonymous - 09/12/2013 17:12 - United States - California

Today, I got a call from a girl I dated long ago, who cheated on me and got pregnant by another guy, or so we thought. Turns out it isn't his, and she is taking me to court for child support. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 970

You deserved it 7 974

The smell of success

By Sheliton - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I learned how awful intertrigo smells. I spent a ton of money and years of my life to become a health care provider apparently to treat the yeast infection between an obese woman's fat folds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 755

You deserved it 5 528

By Jobless - 13/08/2009 01:47 - United States

Today, my 16 yr old cousin needed help making a job resume so I give him mine to see as an example. He changed my name to his and it got him a job right away. The sad part? I handed my resume out to about 30 places and I am still unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 000

You deserved it 4 357

By Briscuit - 05/12/2013 00:00 - Canada - Pitt Meadows

Today, I was granted a donation to pay for a creative writing course. When I told my mom she couldn't even muster a smile. She found her excitement later, however, when she posted how proud she was of me on Facebook. I can only get praise through my mom attention-whoring on social media. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 142

You deserved it 2 663

By dkajxu - 12/08/2009 12:57 - Singapore

Today, while studying in the middle of the night, my dad came home drunk. I helped him to the sofa and after clearing up his mess, he started going on about how useless my sister Vanessa was, and how good a daughter I am. I am Vanessa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 288

You deserved it 3 148

By SoClose - 03/02/2009 14:25 - Canada

Today, two girls invited me up to their room at 3 am. As soon as we pressed the up button on the elevator, the fire alarm went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 907

You deserved it 5 509

By hackling fellow - 10/03/2011 13:17

Today, I was painting my mom's house, which so far had taken 12 hours over two days. All of a sudden there was a wind storm. All of the leaves stuck to the wet paint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 952

You deserved it 4 178

Winning

By Anonymous - 16/05/2020 08:00

Today, I found out my fourteen-year-old daughter is making more money than me, thanks to babysitting and winning writing contests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 192

You deserved it 480

By pickit - 25/02/2010 02:26 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I brought to her attention a rather large zit on the corner of her mouth. She called me an insensitive prick. I only pointed it out because I didn't want other people to see it and make fun of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 324

You deserved it 20 872

You ass!

By Anonymous - 20/05/2020 14:00

Today, my jerk of an ex messaged to apologize for dumping me two weeks ago. I took the high road and was overtly polite and friendly, hoping to end things civil. Our conversation ended when he casually mentioned he is moving in with his new girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 503

You deserved it 239

By kiki - 24/02/2010 05:54 - United States

Today, before my date came to pick me up, I put tissues under my arms so I wouldn't leave wet marks. I forgot to remove them, and when we got physical, they fell out, looking like I'd stuffed my bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 433

You deserved it 33 544

By Anonymous - 09/08/2009 14:33 - United States

Today, after going to the beach with my guy friend, I thought I looked pretty good in front of him in a bikini. Later he whispered in my ear, "You have a lot of hairs sticking out of your bottom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 990

You deserved it 46 004

By Anonymous - 26/11/2013 16:43 - United States - Erie

Today, I had a family get-together for my birthday. I got to watch all my family members get piss-drunk and argue over who's having the worst time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 101

You deserved it 3 573

By Jonny - 09/01/2012 04:07 - United States

Today, as a recovering alcoholic, I called my brother to share the news that I've been sober for a month. He invited me to a bar to celebrate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 456

You deserved it 3 382

By Anonymous - 05/03/2011 06:07 - Canada

Today, I was performing a show about pirates for a youth program. A child started crying because I wasn't a real pirate. A little girl took my defense, saying, "He's a real pirate, his teeth are all yellow!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 628

You deserved it 11 381

Tasty

By Anonymous - 22/05/2020 20:00

Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 819

You deserved it 302

By sick in Vegas - 07/01/2012 22:21 - United States

Today, I'm in Vegas to celebrate my 22nd birthday. I should be out having a blast, but a stomach virus thought otherwise. I'll be spending my birthday stuck in my hotel room eating microwaved soup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 497

You deserved it 2 811

By ihateeverything - 30/01/2009 17:05 - United States

Today, the dentist had to give me a lot of novacaine because my mouth wasn't becoming numb. After the 4th time the entire right side of my mouth was numb, except for the 2 teeth getting worked on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 418

You deserved it 1 881

By DravensMommy - 06/08/2009 19:22 - United States

Today, I woke up with a black eye. Why? My husband was having a dream where he was fighting somebody and wound up punching me in the face in his sleep. I had a very important job interview this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 574

You deserved it 3 016

By agnosticstudy - 28/01/2009 21:53 - United States

Today, all three of my meals consisted of two Hot Pockets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 952

You deserved it 27 754

Mr Whiskers

By Anonymous - 29/05/2020 14:00

Today, one of my friends was playing with a laser pointer. When he pointed it in my direction, I swatted at it away like it was a bug. Apparently, I'm part cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 076

You deserved it 361

Countersuit

By SientoBenteCar - 11/04/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, as I was walking my dog, some self-righteous animal activist berated me on how it was animal abuse to put my dog on a leash. Despite warning her, she crouched down to undo it, my dog charged at her, giving her a gash on the cheek. She kicked my dog for it, and is now threatening to sue me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 752

You deserved it 88

Misery

By Galaxy-eyes photon human - 04/06/2020 02:00

Today, I found out my boyfriend is cheating on me. The worst part is I’m currently stuck in his house and can’t even deal with a fight right now. Why? Because I just had surgery this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 936

You deserved it 390

Scam artists

By oldladiesbecrazy - 03/09/2021 07:59

Today, in a market, an old lady stood beside me for a few moments, not saying a word, before turning to me and screaming that I'd taken the money out of her purse. Security was called and I was given the ultimatum to either go to jail or give her the money back. Now I have no food for next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 314

You deserved it 145

By Angela - 27/02/2011 01:56 - United States

Today, I made plans with an old friend that I haven't seen in years. We agreed to meet at a diner and I told him I'd be standing outside. I watched him pull up, look right at me, then do something with his phone. Seconds later, I got a text saying, "Sorry, but I'm busy today and can't make it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 290

You deserved it 3 524

By Noname - 27/01/2009 11:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend fell asleep during phone sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 413

You deserved it 28 376

How the turntables turn

By PoorAndBroke - 12/09/2021 14:01

Today, I went to see a house for rent. The owner ended up being a person whom I denied renting to a long time ago, because I thought she was sketchy looking. Apparently she’s the CEO of a company now. She definitely recognized me and kicked me off the premises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 354

You deserved it 1 451

By Awkward - 01/12/2012 22:11 - Bahrain

Today, while lighting a cigarette, I learned the hard way that the amount of styling mousse I used to get my curly hair to become manageable, is the roughly same amount that causes it to become highly flammable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 003

You deserved it 31 979

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The Top

Today, I noticed I'd lost my wedding ring after returning home from a long, tiring day of painting our newly purchased home. After driving back and forth to the house for more than an hour to go looking for it, I found it tucked away in my back pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 852

You deserved it 4 056

Today, I found out someone, most likely my psycho ex, has been posing as me on local interest websites, trolling a load of people, and giving them my address so they can come fight me. I found this out when a gentleman showed up at my house wanting to beat me shitless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 501

You deserved it 2 348

Today, I broke a glass case containing my pet scorpions. I still can't find them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 670

You deserved it 16 496

Today, I realized that I'm so lonely I can no longer whack off without bursting into tears and crying like a little bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 751

You deserved it 21 507

Today, I started a sport journalism degree. I was the only woman out of 60 students. The lecturer started talking about how we should all aspire to become sports editors of national newspapers. Later, he said women have no chance of ever becoming sports editors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 696

You deserved it 3 141

You can do it!

I agree, your life sucks 496

You deserved it 113