The Top

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USA! USA! USA!

By Your turkey stinks anyway - 27/11/2024 09:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I was uninvited to our usual family Thanksgiving, as well as the rest of the holidays with my extended family. Why? They found out who I voted for. I won't say who, but according to my aunt, I'm to blame for putting their son's healthcare at risk. WTF? FML

I agree, your life sucks 287

You deserved it 1 273

By CombatShadow45 - 25/11/2009 22:39 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend of three years on a romantic picnic to the park, so I could propose to her. The moment was just right, I made my move. I knelt down on one knee and asked her. Her response was "you're kneeling in dog poop." I looked down. She was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 835

You deserved it 5 458

We feel for you, bruh

By Anonymous - 21/01/2021 20:01 - India - Bangalore

Today, I realised that I wasted my teenage life just to be a parent pleaser. I'm in the final months of high school and while everyone is enjoying the last days, I'm sat here being a "good" son, listening to my parents argue, maybe divorcing. I'm in tears and can't go out as I'm not invited to anything anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 324

You deserved it 209

Weird turn on, but OK

By Anonymous - 19/03/2022 12:00 - India

Today, I realised my sex drive has improved massively since I started fantasising about Bruno from Encanto on the regular. I thought my lack of appetite was because of my mental health issues. Apparently not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 326

By KristaAaronn - 27/08/2014 12:24 - United States - Johnson City

Today, I got my wisdom teeth removed. All I can remember is crying to my mom because I thought spoons were taking over the world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 505

You deserved it 4 688

KristaAaronn tells us more.

KristaAaronn 25

Wednesday 27 August 2014 19:47

OP here! I also told her that they reason they made sporks was because they wanted to completely rid the world of forks

By ginger - 19/08/2011 10:38 - New Zealand

Today, I got dumped by my boyfriend because he is tired of everyone giving him shit about my ginger hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 170

You deserved it 6 824

Guess the FML

By Louis - 21/04/2017 21:30

So, can you figure out what happens next?

I agree, your life sucks 596

You deserved it 154

What's the deal with handbags?

By Clumsy - 18/03/2022 02:00

Today, a customer yelled and cursed at me, splashing spittle in my face, and to top it all off she wished “my mom would die in a fire.” All this because I accidentally spilled her milkshake all over her Louis Vuitton handbag. Apparently, it “costs more than my rent.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 115

You deserved it 298

By Not Supportive - 19/05/2019 16:06

Today, it was my boyfriend's grandfather's funeral and visitation. These things make me nervous so I, not thinking, made comments that included the words "killing", "dying" and "death". I'm a rubbish support system. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 542

You deserved it 588

By Moeswifey - 24/10/2010 17:11 - United States

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend making breakfast. I thought he was making it for me, so I sat at the table. When he walked over with his plate, he said, "Oh, I didn't know you were here!" I'd slept in the same bed with him last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 462

You deserved it 4 571

A for effort

By NotsexyEnough - 23/11/2009 03:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to be sexy and take off my clothes with his teeth. He ended up biting my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 536

You deserved it 6 493

It wasn't me

By weliveanddie14 - 07/05/2009 20:27 - United States

Today, I was at the library. I went near the computer section when I saw this man cursing and pounding his fists on a computer. He left. I thought I'd check it out. As I sat down, a librarian came over with the security guard and pointed at me. I'm now being fined for destroying public property. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 962

You deserved it 15 693

Puppy love

By Lovesick - 29/01/2021 16:58 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my husband is furious because I accused him of being in love with my best friend. He talks about her constantly, perks up like a puppy when she comes over, and occasionally only gets erections if I talk about her. Even the kids have noticed how moonstruck he is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 911

You deserved it 167

How peculiar

By Anonymous - 09/07/2023 06:00

Today, I turned up to unclog a customer's blocked sewer, and they were furious that I needed to use their water, like they thought I’d turn up with my own water for the whole job in a small transit van. They told me not to bother, unless I provided my own water. I wasted a day on these idiots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 978

You deserved it 98

By purpleskylight - 27/06/2012 05:29 - United States - Lexington

Today, I tried for 45 minutes to convince my psychiatrist to take me off my antidepressant. When he finally agreed to do so, I broke down into tears and sobbed uncontrollably for 10 minutes. Hello, increased prescription. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 093

You deserved it 22 695

By Anonymous - 22/11/2009 07:31 - United States

Today, my boss called me into her office to tell me I needed to mind my own business and not question everything my newest co-worker does. Yesterday, I stopped the new girl from giving $6,000 to the wrong person. I was fired on the spot. The new girl was promoted into my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 716

You deserved it 3 012

By SeeBrendenBurn - 21/11/2009 08:28 - United States

Today, I went to a rock concert and met this amazing girl. We started talking and then swapped cell numbers. Five minutes later, she asks to see my cellphone, so I gave it to her. Once I got home I went to text her and saw that she deleted her number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 815

You deserved it 5 693

Up your game

By Anonymous - 06/05/2009 15:07 - United States

Today, I was giving my friend sex advice when she asked me when was the last time for me. Not only did I lie but I realized that it was in November and the time before that was June. I have had sex less times this year than she has this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 598

You deserved it 12 099

By Anonymous - 15/08/2014 15:22 - China - Shanghai

Today, my husband wanted me to take a sleeping pill before having sex with me. Apparently I'm better in bed while half-asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 292

You deserved it 6 502

By Anonymous - 19/10/2010 19:18 - United States

Today, my wife started checking her email on her Blackberry while we were having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 090

You deserved it 10 601

By Anonymous - 19/11/2009 16:14 - United States

Today, I took my dog to the vet because he hadn't eaten his food in three days, was drinking a lot of water, and was peeing a lot (all signs of antifreeze poisoning). I spent $200 at the vet to tell me that my dog is fine and just didn't like his current food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 001

You deserved it 5 549

Your fault!

By Anonymous - 11/08/2011 06:04 - Canada

Today, I informed my parents that my husband and I are separating after much deliberation. We came to this conclusion relatively peacefully. According to my parents, I'm now Satan, and will end up on the streets as a crack whore if we don't change our minds and stay together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 589

You deserved it 4 142

Blackout

By squishy - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I woke up with a ridiculous hangover and no memory of last night. I called my friend who told me that I was so trashed I ended up eating all the hamburgers and chicken fingers in her fridge. I've been a vegetarian for 15 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 144

You deserved it 51 976

You wanker

By Anonymous - 30/03/2022 22:00

Today, I work for the police as a computer analyst. My dad, who thinks it’s only a real job if you come home covered in grease every day, still tells his friends my job is to sit in a dark room wanking on the internet all day. And he wonders why we barely speak anymore.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 500

You deserved it 170

By Anonymous - 19/06/2012 20:59 - Canada - Dartmouth

Today, I realized that the only times I get to hang out with my friends outside of school are when one of them accidentally mentions plans in front of me and they are obligated by social protocol to invite me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 710

You deserved it 3 249

Fishing

By Anonymous - 18/11/2009 03:43 - United States

Today, me, a coworker, and my manager were looking at random advertisements. One ad was a picture of three fish. My coworker named them what I thought were completely random names. I said, "Those are stupid names." Turns out those are my manager's kids' names. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 606

You deserved it 32 399

Forever solo

By xoxo96 - 03/05/2009 20:09 - United States

Today, I went to a Bat Mitzvah. We played a game where all of the girls grabbed one of their shoes and placed it in the middle. Then, all of the guys had to pick a shoe. Whatever guy picked the shoe, the girl had to dance with. No one picked my shoe. Everyone else was dancing except for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 470

You deserved it 5 112

Drink up

By whyme - 31/05/2013 18:47 - United States - Crescent

Today, my friends and I went out for drinks. I'm the only one who's actually 21 or over, and they have fake IDs. Not only was I the only one to be carded, the bartender thought that my actual ID was fake. I got kicked out while my friends kept drinking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 568

You deserved it 4 485

By sgibson982136 - 03/06/2019 20:00

Today, I spent thirty minutes ringing up a Guinea pig and supplies for a customer who talked like a sloth, all while she argued with over the price of everything, only for her to return it all five minutes later because her sister had "changed her mind." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 869

You deserved it 132

By beaverfever - 06/08/2014 16:45 - Poland - Kolobrzeg

Today, I wore a tank top for the first time in a few years. It turned out even worse than the last time. I got insulted by several people over my "Never say never" upper chest tattoo, which I got years ago, before the words ever became associated with a certain douchy Canadian pop "singer". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 320

You deserved it 10 820

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The Top

Today, I was watching TV with my husband, and he started getting frisky. When the commercial break started, we started having sex. When he came, there were still two commercials left before the show resumed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 331

You deserved it 6 870

Today, I was at work on a smoke break. I work at a truck stop, and it was around 2 a.m. Some old man pulled in and asked me if I would like to join him for some dinner. I said no, and told him I was working. He replied, "How much do you charge?" Apparently, even in sweats I look like a hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 394

You deserved it 6 730

Today, I had to be go to the ER after I fell on a rake. After having stiches put in, my Mom wanted me to go to the store with her. My friend saw me at the store and thought it would be funny to rip off the band aid because she thought I was hiding a zit. She ripped out my stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 656

You deserved it 3 048

Today, I was supposed to be going to Edinburgh to see my favourite band live. I was expecting to be picked up at 8 a.m. for the drive there, but I woke up to a text saying my friend bought tickets for the wrong city. The show he paid was for 2 days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 740

You deserved it 151

Today, I'm in quarantine after testing positive for Covid. Two weeks after starting a new job. Two months after receiving the vaccine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 000

You deserved it 215

Today, I accidentally left the store with a bag full of groceries without paying. I realized this halfway to my car when an employee chased me down, thinking I was a thief. Turns out, I had spaced out and walked out during a fire alarm drill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 176

You deserved it 471