The Top

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Just be yourself

By iQuit - 28/08/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, I decided to quit dating. I'm a plus-sized girl and I can’t get a guy to save my life. On dating apps they run for the hills when they see my full body. I even tried dating plus-size guys and even they have standards. I fucking hate society’s “ideal” beauty norms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 335

You deserved it 563

Wild child

By Anonymous - 29/08/2025 20:00 - United States - Newport News

Today, my wife asked our 17 year-old son to clean his room. Following up, he lied to his mom and said it was clean. After rechecking his room, he began to throw things and I returned to find holes punched in the walls. I went and patched the holes, after which he immediately kicked more holes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 207

You deserved it 460

Kid A

By Anonymous - 25/09/2025 09:00

Today, me and my husband are having our first big marital argument. Our baby still doesn’t have a name, all because I want to call her a normal name and he wants to call her some obscure name from an anime he really likes. I’ve never seen him this stubborn about anything this stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 460

You deserved it 160

Odd interaction

By mochiix03 - 13/11/2025 00:00

Today, a Tinder guy asked me if I had a full-body picture since I only have headshots. Being ashamed of my body, I told him my rear camera was broken, so only the front-facing camera worked. He asked me if I could see my toes when I looked down. Without thinking, I looked down and said, "No." He unmatched me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 190

You deserved it 468

The other shoe drops

By ConstantChoas - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I found out the procedure manual I've been creating for months and finally finished is going to be used to train the person replacing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 634

You deserved it 230

He got the hell out of there, became a new guy

By What is wrong with you - 06/04/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, my husband was home past his usual departure time for work, so I pointedly asked if he would be late. He said he called out sick. I stared at him, wide-eyed in disbelief, as he said he "wanted to relax in the yard with a book." He's completely lost his mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 734

Love at first prompt

By Jessica - 08/05/2026 09:00 - United States

Today, my 37 year-old fiance is calling off our wedding for a 21 year-old woman from Colombia he’s been talking to online. He’s gonna marry her and bring her to the US. He’s been using ChatGPT to speak with her in Spanish. I’ve spent over $5000 on our wedding and was picking up my dress next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 542

You deserved it 72

Risky road

By Gimme money - 24/05/2026 09:00 - United States - Secaucus

Today, desperate for money, I stepped out in front of a car, hoping to get a hefty bribe not to take the driver to court. He slammed on his brakes and barely tapped me. When I fell onto his hood and started screaming, a passerby said, "That's the fakest scam attempt I've ever seen." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 1 110

Shallow

By John - 09/06/2026 15:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, my now-ex girlfriend showed me a picture where she was 120lbs overweight and asked me if I would still date her if she ever looked like that again. Being honest, I said “No.” She broke it off with me because of that. Apparently I lack “good moral character” and “it’s giving red flag.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 259

You deserved it 496

Will you…

By Anonymous - 16/06/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years got down on one knee with the most beautiful ring box I’d ever seen. My heart raced and my eyes immediately filled with tears in anticipation! When he finally opened it, a fucking spider was inside! I nearly shat myself in terror while he laughed hysterically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 541

You deserved it 72

The body keeps the score

By Sold my soul for 5000 - 26/08/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, a guy offered me five grand for a video call. As an OnlyFans model, I jumped at the chance. He wanted me to list off everything I regretted or disliked about my life while masturbating. Fifteen minutes later, I had the worst panic attack I've ever had. Six hours later and I'm still shaking and sobbing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 201

You deserved it 624

Pranks are shit

By milk plz - 13/02/2026 12:00

Today, my wife got me back for hiding a realistic tarantula replica in her underwear drawer. She ground up hot peppers and horseradish and shoved it in my mouth while I slept. I woke up screaming in pain and went to the hospital before she confessed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 220

You deserved it 402

Fundies of all flavors

By Anonymous - 06/03/2026 22:00

Today, I mustered up the courage to visit my estranged mega fundamentalist father to hopefully mend our relationship. The first thing he did was insult me for not having a beard, and call my wife and daughters whores because they weren't wearing long skirts or dresses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 535

You deserved it 120

Walked into that one

By Anonymous - 13/06/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, I told my date she'd look hot as a blonde. She replied saying I'd be hot with a few extra inches. Furious, I yelled at her that I couldn't control my height. She replied that she "wasn't referring to my height." FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 1 014

Bad seed

By Middle Age Divorced Dad - 27/07/2026 09:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my youngest daughter failed kindergarten. After 3 years of petit section, junior and senior kindergarten, she still doesn't recognize the teacher's authority. For example, when the teachers are trying to line the children up to come in after recess, she's pulling the kids out of the line and yelling, "Run away!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 151

You deserved it 395

All kinds of wrong

By Anonymous - 22/08/2025 22:00

Today, after my boyfriend ghosted me when he learned I was pregnant, I stormed to his house to tell his wife about us to get back at him. Turns out he gave me a fake address, because the cops were called on me after I screamed at some random woman who lived there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 1 034

Sussy

By Poorasfolk - 16/09/2025 15:00

Today, I went to a Louis Vuitton store to get my wife the handbag she's wanted for ages. As soon as I walked in, the staff gave me dirty, suspicious looks and kept hovering around me. When I went to pay for the $2270 handbag in cash, they immediately became nice and welcoming towards me. This is the society I live in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 492

You deserved it 88

Assertive

By So broke its a joke - 04/10/2025 12:00

Today, I had an interview. Another applicant shook my hand, saying, "May the better man win." I smirked and said, "Thanks, I plan to." I turned and saw the interviewer. He definitely heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 539

Good deed of the day

By Anonymous - 20/12/2025 15:00

Today, my distant relatives found out that I had turned down an inheritance from my long estranged father. I didn't feel it was right so I asked the lawyer to make it a donation to WFP. Relatives I'd never met and some I didn't even know about are now all over my socials about how I "insulted the memory" of their uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 400

You deserved it 110

You do it

By Anonymous - 23/01/2026 09:00

Today, I’m a supervisor who swore 50-hour weeks were “the minimum.” My team preferred having lives, I missed my quota, and my $10,000 bonus vanished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 1 364

Dramatic

By Anonymous - 28/01/2026 15:00

Today, while I was making a TikTok about motherhood, I accidentally dropped my 3-month-old baby. Upon learning what had happened, my understandably upset husband now won't talk to me, and I'm in the hospital on my knees, praying that my son makes it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 1 114

Oh dear, oh no

By Voters remorse - 01/02/2026 03:00

Today, after working to elect a Democratic governor who campaigned on "affordability" instead of a MAGA nut job, she's immediately signed off on dozens of new taxes and removed mandatory minimum sentencing requirements for violent crimes. This isn't what I voted for! FML

I agree, your life sucks 240

You deserved it 585

Shattered

By Help me - 23/03/2026 00:00

Today, after dumping my fiancé and altering my life following my therapist's advice so I could be free and self-sufficient, I finally feel like I'm in control of my life! However, I just had a dream where I was married to my ex and had two beautiful babies, and I cried so hard I had to call out sick. What have I done? FML

I agree, your life sucks 146

You deserved it 513

The nerve of this dude

By Anonymous - 05/05/2026 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband confessed to cheating but then tried to turn it around on me. Apparently, because I wasn’t regularly checking his phone, it must mean I don’t really care about him or I’d have caught him months ago. Sorry for trusting my husband I suppose, geez. FML

I agree, your life sucks 548

You deserved it 82

Surprise!

By Anonymous - 18/06/2026 12:00 - United Kingdom - Exeter

Today, after my landlord announced a "surprise" apartment inspection, I spent the entire night cleaning every room, scrubbing the oven, and organizing closets. The inspector walked in, looked around for 20 seconds, checked for a smoke detector, then left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 280

You deserved it 184

I think you should leave

By Anonymous - 31/07/2026 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I warned my new boyfriend not to approach my ferret, as he is still quite young and bites when he plays. He ignored me completely because “animals love him”, and when my ferret latched onto his finger, he threw him across the room. Now I can’t find him anywhere in the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 461

You deserved it 92

Talk to me

By Anonymous - 31/08/2025 22:00 - Sweden - Agunnaryd

Today, I'm sad. My wife of six years cares very little about my satisfaction. Intimacy is my receiving love language, and while we do have sex sometimes, she wants me to "take" or "use" her. I want to be felt up and be shown I'm wanted, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 124

Great housekeeping trap tip

By Gnome alone - 04/09/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, my wife tried to prove that I don’t pay attention to anything related to the house by putting a decorative gnome on the table. When I mentioned it, she pointed out that she’d put over 25 gnomes all over the house for the past couple of weeks. I just noticed them today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 613

Congrats!

By Bittersweet - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, after 10 years of frequent international air travel, I got my seat upgraded for the very first time. Also, for the very first time in 10 years, the airline lost my luggage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 093

You deserved it 171

Not your problem

By Anonymous - 16/01/2026 09:00

Today, I saw a good friend beg and crawl back to her controlling girlfriend who treats her like a child for the umpteenth time, even after herself acknowledging that she got mistreated. I don't know what else to do to help her, or if I even should. FML

I agree, your life sucks 357

You deserved it 82

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my iguana tried to eat my hand. Taking that as a sign of being hungry, I gave him a bowl of fruits and veggies. After he finished the bowl, he tried to eat my hand again. My iguana's an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 291

You deserved it 1 864

Today, I asked my friend to come sit next to me in class. I pulled out the chair next to me. Coincidentally, she started to sit at that same moment. Now both she and my teacher are convinced I did it on purpose, and they want to have a talk with my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 494

You deserved it 2 438

Today, I realized that my dog, who's 11, eats his own shit, and chews bones like crazy still has 10 times nicer teeth than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 465

You deserved it 8 389

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why period blood couldn't be saved and donated to the hospital for transplants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 765

You deserved it 2 456

Today, I was working my shift at a fancy restaurant and it had been a really hard day. My parents came in to have dinner and surprise me. After paying, they left a note saying they would see me at home. It also said "By the way, no tip, because you stink at serving." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 858

You deserved it 7 005

Today, helping my boyfriend move to his new apartment, I hurt my shoulder. While carrying heavy things? Nope. Those were fine. What did me in was driving the moving van, which required very active, hands-on steering at high speeds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 269

You deserved it 136