The Top

This was actually a few years ago when I was living in Dublin. Never seen that movie so they could well have plagiarised the idea from me! Another classic from this guy: With my toothbrush in his mouth-"you're not one of those people who cares when someone uses their toothbrush are you?" FML

By morgie96 - 19/08/2014 04:11 - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, on Facebook, all these parents posted photos of their child's last first day of high school, saying they were so proud as they left for senior year. It was my first day of senior year today, but my parents just gave me a high-five for not doing drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 069

You deserved it 8 967

Tough job

By iwantaraise - 14/10/2015 01:55 - Australia

Today, while on the job as a cop, I was breaking up a loud house party. We were just doing one final check of the house, we walked into the bathroom to find a kid furiously wanking in the bath. This isn't the first time I've seen something like this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 428

You deserved it 3 096

Put those away

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Canada - Kitchener

Today, I had to close my eyes in shame and pretend I didn't exist, as my mom gave a cop a good look at her wrinkled, prune-like cleavage and tried to convince him that the speed limit is optional. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 084

You deserved it 1 907

Son, we have something to tell you…

By anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, my parents told me I was adopted. I can understand parents waiting for a child to be old enough to understand, but I'm 33 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 130

You deserved it 2 709

By Miserable - 11/11/2009 07:06 - United States

Today, I did laundry in my apartment complex's laundry room. I put my stuff in the dryer and returned to my room. The sign on the door says the laundry room closes at 10 pm, but that's rarely true. Tonight it was. I have to wait until 8 am. I work at 7:30. My work clothes are in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 644

You deserved it 41 159

Work is work

By mylifeisfed - 04/11/2009 12:56 - United States

Today, I encountered one of my professors from college. Back when I was in his game theory class, he publicly criticized me for falling asleep and not paying attention, to which I retaliated by acing all of his exams. Four years and a degree later, I met him again... while working at Pizza Hut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 824

You deserved it 12 850

By Anonymous - 27/06/2014 10:57 - United Kingdom

Today, my boss sent me some application forms to check over. After I spell-checked them and returned them, I found out they're going to be used to hire someone to replace me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 523

You deserved it 4 257

By northernlass - 20/09/2010 04:47 - United States

Today, I was singing and playing keyboards with my band on stage at a club. A drunken chick from the crowd tried to climb up onto the stage in her heels, fell, and grabbed the back of my mic stand to catch herself. And busted me in the mouth with my own microphone. Then she requested a song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 963

You deserved it 2 684

By maybe if i was paid like them i would - 14/08/2015 22:42 - United States - Houston

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I had any kinks, so I told him all about them. He was actually mad because I didn't have the same 'sexy kinks' the girls in porn have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 475

You deserved it 2 624

By thisisbad - 12/10/2009 14:21 - Malaysia

Today, I was in the toilet when somebody started banging on the door loudly. I panicked and immediately cleaned my self and opened the door. As I opened the door, my brother vomited all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 016

You deserved it 2 795

By TheVagabond_SRG - 02/08/2016 06:46 - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, I started my first day at a job. First thing my manager does is ask me if I knew the fastest way to kill someone there, then told me with a straight face all of what would occur when dumping a person's head into the deep fryer. Then the psycho assigned me to the fry station. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 560

You deserved it 1 079

Hermit

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Orlando

Today, I had a dream that I was making pancakes. I need to get out more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 902

You deserved it 4 846

By Anonymous - 25/10/2013 04:35 - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, I went to a haunted house with the girl I like, thinking that she would get scared and turn to me for comfort. I ended up running out, and was put on the Wall of Shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 747

You deserved it 21 042

Forever alone

By FriutlessApple - 11/10/2013 15:18 - United Kingdom

Today, feeling bored and lonely, I drove into town to wander around the shops and go to Subway for lunch. While there, I picked up two trays and put one on the opposite side of the table, along with some of my rubbish, to make it look like I was with someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 594

You deserved it 11 137

By Anonymous - 30/12/2014 01:07 - United States - Bend

Today, on my first ski run down a mountain, I dislocated my patella. Now I get to watch out of the window as my family builds a snowman and names it after me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 441

You deserved it 2 499

By Anonymous - 28/12/2014 00:22 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was waiting in line while a lady paid for her shopping, when her credit card got declined. She started ranting and insulting everyone and kept insisting: "I'm not poor!" By the time the lady had finally stormed off, I had spittle on my face, and the cashier was almost in tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 177

You deserved it 2 650

Chain of command

By braceforcarnage - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got broken up with. In a text message. She texted my grandma, who then had to forward said text to me. I got broken up via grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 597

You deserved it 3 241

By FML - 19/01/2016 06:41 - United States

Today, I found out my fiancée has been sleeping with the salesman I bought her engagement ring from. He knew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 033

You deserved it 1 461

By Unlucky - 15/11/2014 02:18 - Australia - Cairns

Today, I realized that at 20 years old I already have noticeable wrinkles around my eyes. But to balance it out, my chronic acne keeps me looking youthful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 958

You deserved it 3 043

You were warned

By Anonymous - 20/07/2013 21:44 - United States - Austin

Today, I was removing large shrubs from a house. I heard my co-worker yell something, but I couldn't hear him, so I just pulled the stump out anyway. What I realized too late was that he was telling me that there was a swarm of bees living behind the stump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 535

You deserved it 12 028

By Anonyme - 22/10/2013 07:13 - France - Rouen

Today, I found a pad in my son’s underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 614

You deserved it 56

By trying2breathe - 22/11/2009 16:49 - United States

Today, I woke up to find my car broken into. They also took the inhaler that fell out of my bag the night before. The one I needed to stop the asthma attack I had from the stress of having my car broken into. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 397

You deserved it 3 043

By GaveAnInchTakeAMile - 11/05/2013 09:52 - United States

Today, my brother's friend was about to drive home drunk, so I convinced him to think and not be stupid. It wasn't an invitation to puke on my floor then try to crawl into bed with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 608

You deserved it 5 858

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, while driving around with my brother and his idiotic friends, one of them decided it would be a brilliant idea to throw a hot sauce packet out of the car window at a moving vehicle. I've never seen someone angry enough to stop and get out of a vehicle that fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 154

You deserved it 2 650

Today, my dad drunkenly confessed that the reason he never gave me the sex talk was because he figured that I'm too weird-looking and socially awkward to ever get laid. He's right, all too right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 226

You deserved it 2 401

Today, during a conversation, my boss said, "What, what?" Before I could stop myself, I replied, "In the butt." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 046

You deserved it 33 458

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying on one of my little black dresses and heels. He wanted to "see what the fuss was about." I would have been angry if the sight of him dressed like this hadn't turned me on more than he ever has in the 3 years we've been dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 891

You deserved it 6 188

Today, I was napping with my boyfriend and his dog. The dog was making odd coughing noises, but my boyfriend refused to kick him out of the bed. A few moments later, I rolled onto my stomach, into a pile of dog vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 700

You deserved it 4 568

Today, I noticed that to get my boyfriend to do what I want, I must bribe him with food instead of sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 985

You deserved it 313