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Hey guys, it was a pretty rough day so I wasn't surprised at least one person encountered trouble, and he didn't speak a word whilst he was gripped tightly to the flotation device. Once on shore I asked him if he was alright and instructed him how not to get caught in another rip current. He promptly to me to "f off" and that he didn't need help. At that point his girlfriend ran up to ask if he was hurt, and everything went downhill from there. I appreciate the sympathy, but it would be a little irresponsible of me to let the man die :)

By Just me - 09/09/2011 23:48 - United States

Today, I found out that the man who offered to put up the woman I love in exchange for me helping out with his rent, has in fact been her "other" boyfriend since before she moved in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 649

You deserved it 4 474

By berryjones11024 - 14/09/2014 14:35 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I found my son trying to comb his hair with scissors. He's the same kid who thought that if he ate toothpaste, he would never have to brush his teeth again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 089

You deserved it 5 377

berryjones11024 tells us more.

berryjones11024 17

Monday 15 September 2014 4:23

Hello the OP here, in case you are wondering my son is 14, this what makes this bad. I had a talk with him about combing his hair with scissors, he said that since it had an edge he thought it would work just fine. He's not hurt in any way but if he was to hurt himself, I would have told him to figure it out. The eating toothpaste is a whole different story, I didn't know the purpose and he didn't know the purpose. I don't think he knew that toothpaste is poisonous if you ate it. Anybody want to adopt a kid?

By Sean - 10/06/2013 02:27 - United States

Today, I got a concussion and several staples in my head. As it turns out, watering flowers is much more dangerous than it might sound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 291

You deserved it 7 666

By LonelyMonkey - 12/11/2009 19:39 - United States

Today, I received an eviction notice taped to my door stating my landlord is selling his property and moving out of the country in 13 days. My landlord is my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 472

You deserved it 3 320

By Anonymous - 01/09/2015 04:37 - New Zealand - Albany

Today, I invited an acquaintance over for tea. When he came in, I told him to make himself at home. He took it literally and now half of my pantry is messed up, my boyfriend's chocolate supply is gone, and I'm pretty sure our couch is broken. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 730

You deserved it 3 707

By Anonymous - 23/10/2009 00:15 - United States

Today, I was sitting in my bed drinking Yoohoo from a juice box. I decided it would be fun to see how much I could fit in my mouth. As soon as my mouth was full, I sneezed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 731

You deserved it 41 643

By sadSarah - 01/05/2014 09:59 - United States - New York

Today, as I was waiting in line to give my mom her birthday present, my dad gave her the exact same gift I'd also bought for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 330

You deserved it 4 804

By notfuckingpaidenough - 13/06/2015 11:45 - United States - San Leandro

Today, a man tried to rob the store I work at. Before the guy was taken by the cops, he complained to my manager for "unfriendly behavior". He took it seriously and bitched me out for not providing "quality service" to our customers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 532

You deserved it 2 081

By erockinthesuburb - 19/02/2013 01:49 - United States

Today, I purchased a box of girl scout cookies from a coworker. I wanted to save them for later at home, so I placed them on my desk and then headed to a meeting. When I returned, there was an empty box sitting there with a post-it note saying, "Thanks!" Nobody will own up to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 458

You deserved it 6 363

Wahey!

By no_hullabalo - 04/09/2009 14:50 - Taiwan

Today, I went parasailing for the first time ever. My friends thought it would be funny to pull down my trunks right before my feet left the boat. I dangled there in the air for the whole resort to see. On top of that, I lost my shorts in the ocean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 866

You deserved it 3 482

Idle hands

By workaholic - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while I was at work, my boyfriend decided to give my Cocker Spaniel a haircut. I now have the equivalent of an over-sized naked mole rat running around my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 600

You deserved it 3 085

By Seriously_Scaredy_Cat - 27/11/2013 07:08 - United States

Today, I was taking some clean bedsheets down from the top of the wardrobe. As I pulled the top sheet down, a cat jumped onto my face, claws and all, before falling to the floor and running away. Thing is, I don't own a cat and I have no idea where in the house it has hidden now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 876

You deserved it 3 097

I've had enough

By bcoper - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was in pain due to overdoing it at the gym yesterday, so I thought a hot shower might help. Not only was there no hot water because of my sister's hour long showers, but I slipped getting out and hit my head. Now the pain is worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 728

You deserved it 3 340

Permission denied

By Anonymous - 29/01/2010 01:12 - United States

Today, my mom asked me if I would be embarrassed if she got a tramp stamp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 032

You deserved it 2 670

Denial

By innocent - 06/01/2015 03:11 - United States

Today, my father seems to be having an affair. A used condom was carelessly left on his nightstand and my mother found it. She refuses to believe that my boyfriend and I are not responsible. As punishment I am "no longer allowed to see him." We're both 22 and live together in our own apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 409

You deserved it 3 371

By botheredgf - 09/11/2010 12:02 - New Zealand

Today, my boyfriend drunkenly decided to let his friends cut his hair into a mullet. He won't change it. I'm supposed to introduce him to my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 593

You deserved it 4 441

By Anonymous - 03/06/2013 20:55 - France - M?rignac

Today, my girlfriend woke me at 5am, just to say how great it was that I could still sleep two more hours before leaving for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 401

You deserved it 5 606

By kam3221 - 01/05/2009 04:33 - United States

Today, I got in the shower, washed my hair and shaved because I wanted to look great for a big date. I got out, brushed and dried my hair and spent an hour putting it up in the perfect hairstyle. Running late, I quickly put on my new dress, looked down and realized i had only shaved one leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 890

You deserved it 54 302

By Anonymous - 27/07/2014 18:44 - Germany - Oberursel

Today, I woke up to a huge, disgusting bug next to my bed. As I tried to squish it, it suddenly flew off at high speed. Now I'm lying in bed, awake and terrified because I can hear it buzzing around but can't see it anywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 742

You deserved it 5 397

By Anonymous - 29/09/2010 06:24 - United Arab Emirates

Today, this guy I've been "seeing" for a year said he didn't want to share my birthday with me because he doesn't want us to get serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 639

You deserved it 3 941

By maleficunt - 03/06/2014 20:44 - United Kingdom - Cannock

Today, a customer yelled at me so furiously that she sprayed my face with spittle. I had to stand there, smiling and politely explaining that I needed to see a receipt before I could give her a refund. When she finally gave up and left, my boss bitched me out for "provoking the customer". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 028

You deserved it 4 059

By Anonymous - 01/04/2009 03:10 - United States

Today, I was volunteering at a school, as I walked past the swings these two girls smiled and said "wow, you are so pretty!". I smiled back and said "awww, well thank you!." As I walked past I hear them laughing, "she actually believed us." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 550

You deserved it 5 157

By Anonymous - 10/07/2015 16:52 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, I had to explain to several young children why asking the new blind girl to play hide and seek with them is inappropriate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 045

You deserved it 2 675

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The Top

Today, I realised what kind of man I married when I finally shelved his book, "Getting Things Done", still untouched 3 months after buying it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 426

You deserved it 2 683

Today, while chatting with my in-laws, I told them about my upcoming spinal surgery. Soon after, when I went to get us some drinks, I overheard them murmuring about how many surgeries I've already had, how I'm a drain on the healthcare system, and how I should ideally just die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 859

You deserved it 2 660

Today, I had to be treated for chemical burns, because my mother got the bright idea of using paint thinner to clean me up after I'd painted our living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 459

You deserved it 3 045

Today, I broke my little toe. It got stuck in my panties as I struggled to get a leg through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 760

You deserved it 6 417

Today, I accompanied my daughter to her classmate's Disney Princess themed birthday party. Minutes in, the celebrant's mother kindly asked us to leave because my daughter was ruining the theme. How? She dressed up as Princess Leia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 981

You deserved it 383

Today, I have officially lost count of how many nights in a row I couldn’t fall asleep until the small hours, even though I go to bed early and get up early every single day. I’m the kind of person who needs at least nine hours of sleep to be anything other than useless and depressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 166