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By Anonymous - 22/10/2014 16:09 - Norway - Egersund

Today, my 17-year-old son managed to easily convince my 13-year-old daughter that if you have sex before getting married, you'll instantly get horrible diseases that will kill you. Her freaking out is how I found out she's not only gullible as hell, but sexually active as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 345

You deserved it 6 074

By thatkid00117 - 15/07/2013 17:15 - United States - Avalon

Today, while lifeguarding at my local beach, I noticed someone having difficulty swimming back to shore. I ran out and swam him back to shore. Once we were on dry land, he cussed me out for "emasculating" him in front of his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 455

You deserved it 3 354

thatkid00117 tells us more.

thatkid00117 16

Tuesday 16 July 2013 0:01

Hey guys, it was a pretty rough day so I wasn't surprised at least one person encountered trouble, and he didn't speak a word whilst he was gripped tightly to the flotation device. Once on shore I asked him if he was alright and instructed him how not to get caught in another rip current. He promptly to me to "f off" and that he didn't need help. At that point his girlfriend ran up to ask if he was hurt, and everything went downhill from there. I appreciate the sympathy, but it would be a little irresponsible of me to let the man die :)

By Just me - 09/09/2011 23:48 - United States

Today, I found out that the man who offered to put up the woman I love in exchange for me helping out with his rent, has in fact been her "other" boyfriend since before she moved in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 649

You deserved it 4 474

By berryjones11024 - 14/09/2014 14:35 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I found my son trying to comb his hair with scissors. He's the same kid who thought that if he ate toothpaste, he would never have to brush his teeth again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 089

You deserved it 5 377

berryjones11024 tells us more.

berryjones11024 17

Monday 15 September 2014 4:23

Hello the OP here, in case you are wondering my son is 14, this what makes this bad. I had a talk with him about combing his hair with scissors, he said that since it had an edge he thought it would work just fine. He's not hurt in any way but if he was to hurt himself, I would have told him to figure it out. The eating toothpaste is a whole different story, I didn't know the purpose and he didn't know the purpose. I don't think he knew that toothpaste is poisonous if you ate it. Anybody want to adopt a kid?

By Anonymous - 03/06/2013 20:55 - France - M?rignac

Today, my girlfriend woke me at 5am, just to say how great it was that I could still sleep two more hours before leaving for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 401

You deserved it 5 606

By kam3221 - 01/05/2009 04:33 - United States

Today, I got in the shower, washed my hair and shaved because I wanted to look great for a big date. I got out, brushed and dried my hair and spent an hour putting it up in the perfect hairstyle. Running late, I quickly put on my new dress, looked down and realized i had only shaved one leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 890

You deserved it 54 302

By Anonymous - 27/07/2014 18:44 - Germany - Oberursel

Today, I woke up to a huge, disgusting bug next to my bed. As I tried to squish it, it suddenly flew off at high speed. Now I'm lying in bed, awake and terrified because I can hear it buzzing around but can't see it anywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 742

You deserved it 5 397

By Anonymous - 29/09/2010 06:24 - United Arab Emirates

Today, this guy I've been "seeing" for a year said he didn't want to share my birthday with me because he doesn't want us to get serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 639

You deserved it 3 941

By maleficunt - 03/06/2014 20:44 - United Kingdom - Cannock

Today, a customer yelled at me so furiously that she sprayed my face with spittle. I had to stand there, smiling and politely explaining that I needed to see a receipt before I could give her a refund. When she finally gave up and left, my boss bitched me out for "provoking the customer". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 028

You deserved it 4 059

By Anonymous - 01/04/2009 03:10 - United States

Today, I was volunteering at a school, as I walked past the swings these two girls smiled and said "wow, you are so pretty!". I smiled back and said "awww, well thank you!." As I walked past I hear them laughing, "she actually believed us." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 550

You deserved it 5 157

By Anonymous - 10/07/2015 16:52 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, I had to explain to several young children why asking the new blind girl to play hide and seek with them is inappropriate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 045

You deserved it 2 675

By Anonymous - 18/03/2014 14:56 - Japan

Today, I found out my ex just got engaged to a girl he met 3 months ago, shortly before he ended our 5 year relationship. His reason for breaking up was that he didn't believe in marriage and couldn't be with someone who wanted to get married. Right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 831

You deserved it 4 070

By gahdamnit - 28/05/2010 13:18 - Australia

Today, I tested the new taps in the shower, with my head. Yep, they're strong enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 631

You deserved it 25 836

Happiest place on Earth

By creepedoutmom - 17/05/2015 16:08 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I took my family to Disneyland. My husband had more fun than my five year-old daughter. He was hitting on the princesses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 625

You deserved it 3 196

By worried - 01/04/2010 08:28 - Ireland

Today, I told my boyfriend that my period was now over three weeks late. He still doesn't believe me since it's April Fool's day. But I'm not kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 458

You deserved it 8 490

Heat of passion

By owl + bungee cord - 07/01/2014 20:38 - United States - Herndon

Today, my boyfriend and I were in the shower and things were getting heated. I tried to move position, but slipped and fell, bringing the shower curtain I'd grabbed onto down with me along its support rod. My ass hit the floor just as hard as the rod hit my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 578

You deserved it 10 071

What new hell is this

By full bladder - 28/04/2015 22:39 - United States - Valrico

Today, I found out my anti-depressants are super-effective. So effective, they affect things they aren't even supposed to. Like my ability to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 972

You deserved it 2 378

By ShampooThief - 12/04/2015 03:05 - United States

Today, my family checked into a hotel for spring break. The first thing my brother did was steal all the bars of soap and bottles of shampoo. He's now guarding them, and hissing at anyone that tries to take them. I just want to take a shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 714

You deserved it 3 032

Nice family you've got there

By Anonymous - 07/03/2015 10:34 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, while chatting with my in-laws, I told them about my upcoming spinal surgery. Soon after, when I went to get us some drinks, I overheard them murmuring about how many surgeries I've already had, how I'm a drain on the healthcare system, and how I should ideally just die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 859

You deserved it 2 660

My child is so hilarious!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while stocking shelves with canned goods, a kid no older than ten ran down the aisle, knocking down everything in his path. He was followed by his mother who was laughing hysterically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 489

You deserved it 2 822

By Anonymous - 22/11/2014 18:18 - Ireland - Kilkenny

Today, I was having some rare good sex with my husband, when he suddenly said, "I'm fuckin' BORED," and pulled out so he could go play his video games. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 249

You deserved it 5 636

By botheredgf - 09/11/2010 12:02 - New Zealand

Today, my boyfriend drunkenly decided to let his friends cut his hair into a mullet. He won't change it. I'm supposed to introduce him to my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 593

You deserved it 4 441

Chunks

By Anonymous - 08/05/2009 20:02 - United States

Today, I learned that no matter how much you assume that the crunchy bits in a bag of crisps are in fact crisps, you will occasionally find that your assumptions are wrong. Beetles just don't have the same appeal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 536

You deserved it 5 886

By lonethong15 - 08/08/2014 22:53 - United States - Dallas

Today, my boyfriend told me he likes to do things the old-fashioned way, and that he wouldn't propose to me without my father's blessing. My dad died 3 years ago, and he knows it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 817

You deserved it 3 918

Paper back writer

By Kim - 10/04/2009 07:12 - United States

Today, I got back a paper after a peer review. I had worked really hard on it over the last week and was proud of the end result. When I got the paper back, the only positive comment on the paper was, "Well, I really like the blue staple you used to hold it together." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 907

You deserved it 5 262

By nosey - 08/04/2013 19:20 - United Kingdom - Mountain Ash

Today, I woke up with my face covered in blood. Turns out that yesterday at my colleague's birthday party, I got so drunk that I started yelling "Nappy time!" before falling out of my hammock and face-first onto the concrete ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 673

You deserved it 40 168

Off the top of my head…

By helplesslover - 04/10/2009 06:13 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called and said he was stopping by to talk. I didn't understand why he would stop by, so I asked if he was going to break up with me, he said no. Half an hour later, he knocked on my door to break up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 164

You deserved it 5 760

By married an old man - 05/03/2013 17:57 - United States - Rancho Mirage

Today, I decided to come onto my husband to switch things up. When I started kissing and trying to undress him, he pushed me off, saying "What're you doing? Jeopardy's about to start." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 114

You deserved it 6 743

By Sir Smokalot - 24/09/2009 08:05 - France

Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting his parents. When we got there, I hugged his mother, and she glared at me. Later that day, I heard her telling her son that he should leave me because I smell like cigarettes, and she hates smokers. I don't smoke, my boyfriend does. He did all the way there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 249

You deserved it 2 897

By navygirl96 - 04/03/2015 03:54 - United States - Arvada

Today, I was expecting a card from my husband stationed in Japan, but he mailed it to my mom. Since I'm busy and don't see her much, she tried to help by mailing it to me. It's long overdue, and the post office never got it. The card came from Japan, only to get lost traveling from 30 minutes away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 628

You deserved it 2 747

navygirl96 tells us more.

navygirl96 14

Wednesday 4 March 2015 18:04

Hi guys, I'm the author of this FML. To clarify I am not lazy or too busy for my mom. I work 10 hour night shifts and go to school. My mom is very sweet and was trying to help me out so I wouldn't have to make a special trip during my work week, and because she knew how excited I was for the card. My husband works 60 hour weeks so he probably didn't think about it. Thank you for the all the kind comments, many of you are very kind.