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By KaD - 27/03/2019 14:00 - United States - Grand Junction

Today, I was happy about finally having the time to pot up the $50 worth of Reblooming Irises I bought… until I went into the garage and couldn't find them. My husband had cleaned up and threw them in the garbage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 017

You deserved it 294

Strong Kurt Cobain vibes

By Anonymous - 01/06/2023 03:00 - United States

Today, I've done everything I wanted to do in life. I'm currently 27. Bored out of my fucking mind. Just call me bored. FML

I agree, your life sucks 280

You deserved it 798

By Anonymous - 18/04/2019 00:00

Today, my bird learned how to mimic the fire alarm after my dad has been testing them for the last few months. He now enjoys sounding like a fire alarm anytime I turn the lights off with the other bird joining in. They live in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 052

You deserved it 300

By Ages ago - 08/05/2019 10:00 - Poland - Warsaw

Today, two guys robbed me. As I wrestled them on the ground, my best friend just stood next to all this, telling me to give them the money already, or we'd be late for school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 998

You deserved it 251

Not funny

By Not laughing - 24/06/2023 22:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I had to, again, explain to my girlfriend that her jokes about her cheating on me are not funny in any form. Not just because of the topic, but also that she actually has cheated me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 286

You deserved it 548

Sweet!

By Linda - 21/01/2021 17:02

Today, I learned a hard lesson: when you order 12 artificial sweeteners and 6 packets of raw sugar with your home-delivered Starbucks coffee so that you can have a small hoard to sweeten up the coffee you already have at home, they just may put all 18 items in the cup and stir it up to your apparent liking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 311

You deserved it 2 171

Rules and regulations

By Anonymous - 29/03/2022 04:00

Today, I moved into a new home with a HOA, and on the first night I received a copy of the HOA rules as thick as a phone book. I already regret moving here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 797

You deserved it 455

By TheStroker - 01/06/2019 06:03

Today, I was cleaning off a carrot by rubbing it up and down under the tap over the sink. My 13-year-old son comes in and says, "Mom, you could get a job doing that." I told him that a carrot cleaner wouldn't make much money. He says, "I wasn't talking about carrots." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 727

You deserved it 358

By Anonymous - 05/06/2019 00:01

Today, my 5-year-old figured out that if he has a mouthful of milk and he blows really hard, he can blow the milk out of his nose like twin fire hoses. I’ve washed the carpet twice in the past day, and my house still stinks of rotten dairy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 852

You deserved it 243

Unreasonable

By Anonymous - 21/02/2021 17:01 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my father-in-law decided to disown myself and his son, because my husband decided to hyphenate his last name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 291

Check this out!

By What an ass - 23/02/2021 20:01 - Australia

Today, while using my phone camera as a mirror, I managed to broadcast a Facebook Live video of myself applying haemorrhoid cream to my asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 779

You deserved it 1 283

Dude!

By Alex - 29/05/2017 16:00

Today, my brother, instead of filming me during my very first musical presentation in New York, took 45 pictures of the sexy trumpeter that was two rows behind me. With MY camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 093

You deserved it 427

Vultures circling overhead

By Anonymous - 07/08/2023 16:00

Today, I inherited several buttloads of money from my grandmother, including property, and by gosh did so many relatives appear from the woodwork to remind me of money granny owed them, or how they just needed an investment to kickstart their business venture. The whole lot of them can screw off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 250

You deserved it 150

Hobbies

By Stinkycar - 05/06/2017 12:00

Today, it was an unusually hot day and I saw one of my friends walking down the street carrying a large bag. I stopped and asked if he needed a ride. When he got in, I noticed a horrible stench. He then told me he'd just been dumpster diving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 692

You deserved it 548

Waste of time

By wasteoftime - 07/06/2017 20:00

Today, I went to a job interview. I never applied for the job, they'd sought me out, had a phone interview, and sent samples, all before the face-to-face interview. Turns out none of the people I met with had even read my resume or writing samples. I was told I might not be a good fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 351

You deserved it 306

By fishy situation - 13/06/2017 04:00

Today, my friend is furious with me because while I was watching her various fish for two weeks, I failed to feed her favorite fish and it died. The reason I didn't take care of it was because she never told me she had it, that it was in her room unlike the rest of the fish, so I never saw it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 105

You deserved it 409

Assumptions part 27674

By dads can’t cook? - 17/03/2021 21:30

Today, I was messaging a new friend when she mentioned her dad was cooking dinner that night. I jokingly texted, “Oh no! I’m sorry!” Turns out her dad is a professional chef. FML

I agree, your life sucks 282

You deserved it 1 237

Freudian slip

By Anonymous - 20/03/2021 08:01 - United States - Trenton

Today, while spacing out about my hot male boss, he called my name for something and I replied, "Yes Daddy?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 1 448

Little shit

By NoPocketforme - 04/04/2021 00:30

Today, I ate the last Hot Pocket in the house. My little brother threw a temper tantrum and poured a bucket of water all over my desk and Macbook. My mom’s response? “Aw he’s just a little boy.” My brother is 13. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 491

You deserved it 126

Let me go!

By ForeSight - 14/08/2019 16:00

Today, my girlfriend wanted to play a game call "bondage bingo," taking turns tying each other up in different positions, and if we can’t escape, we get to take a picture. Whoever gets the most pictures wins. After tying me to a chair, she ended up leaving me there for hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 144

You deserved it 640

Disappearing act

By BrokeAfnow - 02/05/2021 02:01

Today, it was my son’s birthday. I took him out to a eat and wanted to surprise him with a new iPhone. I handed the waitress the iPhone and asked her to bring it out with the cake I brought. The cake comes out, without the iPhone. The waitress said she doesn’t know what I’m talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 761

You deserved it 1 366

Woof! I do not consent!

By Horny and Unamused - 25/05/2021 11:00

Today, at my wit's end, I had to have a conversation with my dog's trainer. During the pandemic, my otherwise housebroken dog began to pee in my bathroom whenever my boyfriend and I have sex. Our sex life is suffering and we went from 2-3 times a week to 8 times in the last year… with 8 matching piss puddles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 124

You deserved it 225

Say sorry to Mr Whiskers!

By Anonymous - 10/05/2021 14:01

Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 950

You deserved it 340

By Ohdear - 16/06/2019 16:08 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I was holding the ladder while my husband was in the attic, and I let out a silent fart, thinking he wouldn't notice. A minute later, he complained of the dreadful smell and told me he was checking for a dead animal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 674

You deserved it 626

How could you?

By Anon - 25/07/2022 06:00

Today, after screaming at me this morning, my wife has been giving me the silent treatment. We're trying to get pregnant, but she caught me masturbating, or "reducing my sperm count on purpose" as she called it. I just wanted some harmless fun with some porn, since getting pregnant has made actual sex a chore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 460

You deserved it 601

#worthit

By Toni - 18/11/2017 15:00 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, on my way to work, I missed my bus because I forgot my wallet. I had a lot of time before the next bus so I took the opportunity to go home for coffee and a proper breakfast. Then, while getting on the next bus, I realized I forgot my wallet again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 884

You deserved it 4 053

Thank God For VPN

By Anonymous - 05/06/2021 16:59 - Nigeria

Today, the government of my country banned Twitter because Twitter deleted one of our president's tweets yesterday. Democratic government, indeed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 952

You deserved it 187

Mythbusters

By Anonymous - 21/08/2022 12:00

Today, my wife asked me to come upstairs, all sexy like. I was sceptical, but I went upstairs after her. When I got there, she handed me a drill and told me to finally get on with building the flat pack dressing table. This is the reason I am sceptical. Romance is a lie kids, never get married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 620

You deserved it 1 262

This one is all over the place

By Anonymous - 11/12/2023 06:00 - Russia - Vladikavkaz

Today, it's the 14th year that I have been living-existing-being in the second friend zone in a row. It all started with harmless sympathy and ended with severe mental addiction, with withdrawal syndrome. My life became hell. Nothing helped me. In the end, only God - who actually created all this for me - helped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130

You deserved it 870

Breaking news

By Anonymous - 26/10/2019 20:00

Today, my stepfather woke me up at two in the morning just to tell me he bought a sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 548

You deserved it 137

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The Top

Today, my brother decided it would be funny for almost every sentence out of his mouth to start with the word "hashtag". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 745

You deserved it 4 411

Today, I added my boss to the "ew" list on Skype. I then realized it sends her a notification. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 053

You deserved it 6 820

Today, I caught the sickness going around, which meant I had to cancel concert tickets, classes I was supposed to take, and turn down a once-in-a-lifetime reservation. The universe doesn't want me to experience good things. Message received. FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 128

Today, I was doing a big presentation at work and got nervous. My white shirt showed massive sweat stains in the most unfortunate places, including my lower stomach, making it look like I had peed myself standing up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 102

Today, I have in my living room a Rubik’s cube I’ve been trying to solve for over a year. I just got home and it was sat on the floor solved. Apparently my wife gave it to her nephew to play with and he solved it in about four minutes, then got bored. He’s 8 and I’m 33. FML

I agree, your life sucks 283

You deserved it 191

Today, I went to my local pub for a drink. There was a giant sign that read, “Welcome to Luke’s celebration of life.” My name is Luke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 282

You deserved it 111