The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

Forever alone

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - Finland

Today, my sad ass got walked in on by a relative while I was having an imaginary conversation, with an imaginary friend, and I was talking out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 615

You deserved it 2 581

The first step is admitting it

By The_failure - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I found myself sitting in the bathroom at work searching the internet for the alcohol and caloric content of cool mint Listerine. I now believe that I may have a problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 030

You deserved it 858

By DogDays - 31/03/2017 14:00

Today, the only member of our family who can get health insurance is our dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 820

You deserved it 432

USA Number One!

By Anonymous - 07/01/2021 05:30 - United States - Wynnewood

Today, I live in the same country that deployed the National Guard to suppress peaceful BLM protests, yet allowed a bunch of psychotic Trump supporters to break into the Capitol. I’m ashamed to be human right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 584

You deserved it 696

By nuns aren’t sexy - 07/05/2019 02:00

Spicy

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend with some kinky role play. I chose a sexy naughty nun's outfit, complete with head cover, thigh-high stockings and crotchless panties. I guess my outfit was a little too convincing, because he couldn’t get it up. Thanks Catholic guilt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 177

You deserved it 911

By badcomparison - 18/12/2016 07:02 - United States - Warrensburg

Today, I was at Bath and Body Works with a friend of mine. She wanted me to smell a particular lotion and when she brought it up to my nose, she squeezed the bottle and lotion went all over my face. Right after, a worker came by and commented how the lotion "got a little too excited". FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 564

You deserved it 832

Happy Holidays!

By dazedandconfused - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, everyone from my job showed up for work because our boss demanded that we have a team meeting before half of the company leaves for the holidays. Everyone showed up except my boss, who is apparently already in Hawaii vacationing until New Year's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 716

You deserved it 619

By Anonymous - 15/05/2017 14:00

Today, my 5-year-old daughter had to find pictures of animals that she felt represented each member of her family. This was the one she chose for me. I think she might be trying to imply something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 418

You deserved it 639

By Anonymous - 11/06/2019 12:49

Today, all of my friends stopped messaging me. I checked their Snapchat and Instagram accounts and saw that they were all at a party. When I confronted them, they assured me I was invited and should join them. When I arrived at the address, the house was empty. They gave me the wrong address. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 362

You deserved it 348

By Anonymous - 29/07/2019 00:01

Today, I learned there's no feeling quite as painful as being stuck on the toilet at 2 a.m. and hearing your dog sneak into your room and eat your dinner, all while being completely powerless to stop it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 709

You deserved it 447

By Benchlover - 10/10/2016 12:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I realized two things: how much time I've spent waiting between lectures, and just how bad my love life is. I found out that I get incredibly jealous when somebody sits on my favourite bench in the centre of the campus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 241

You deserved it 1 152

By FeedTheBirds - 07/09/2017 04:30 - United States - Estero

Today, I bought a delicious $17 lobster sandwich at a restaurant on the beach. The seagull who zoomed in and ripped it out of my hands as I was about to take the first bite seemed to enjoy it very much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 511

You deserved it 510

By ihaveissues - 19/10/2017 01:30

Today, the handle on our front door broke, leaving us unable to open it. We got a guy to come to sort it out, but all he succeeded in doing was completely wrecking the door. He says he can come back next week. We have no other way out of the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 225

You deserved it 306

By sw2f2fchik612 - 04/08/2016 02:01 - United States - Snellville

Today, I was sitting on the floor petting my cat. Something that felt like a rock was jabbing into my leg so I reached down to remove it. It was an ancient, rock-hard piece of dung. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 823

You deserved it 1 749

sw2f2fchik612 tells us more.

sw2f2fchik612 12

Thursday 4 August 2016 23:11

This is my FML. And yay, I finally got one published! Anyway, yes it was inside on the floor and yes, it was freakin' gross haha. I had just come home after being away for several weeks for those saying I haven't been cleaning lol. I didn't see it because it blended in with the color of the rug. It actually hurt when I sat down on it. I can only assume one of the dogs snuck it from the litter box as they tend to do.

I'm a weirdo, I'm a creep

By Anonymous - 08/10/2019 04:00 - Canada

Today, I was sitting behind some bushes in the dark enjoying the view, when some cops came and confiscated my night-vision goggles, then warned me for acting like a "creepy perv." FML

I agree, your life sucks 519

You deserved it 3 580

Making a scene

By Anonymous - 24/11/2017 05:00

Today, I got my septum piercing stuck in a bag of cinnamon pine cones at Target. My boyfriend was wearing a red shirt with khaki pants, so all the other shoppers probably thought I'd had to call a Target employee over to "cut" me out of the bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 760

You deserved it 1 584

Better off

By Elliz - 04/09/2022 02:00

Today, I was stalking my ex-husband’s Facebook. He looks so happy with his new, supermodel-perfect girlfriend who he left me for. She’s everything I’m not. I kinda regret giving birth to two kids and my body changing forever. He’d still be with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 648

Selfish

By Anonymous - 31/01/2020 18:00

Today, I found out that the reason I hadn't gotten pregnant yet was because my husband had a vasectomy after the birth of his son. He even had the nerve to continously tell me, "it'll happen soon, baby" and let me believe we were trying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 029

You deserved it 485

Her revenge

By Anonymous - 26/02/2020 05:00

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. She then proceeded to ask for all the gifts she gave me for Christmas back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 738

You deserved it 794

By NowBubbleWrapSucks - 27/05/2018 20:30

Today, my mom went into a full war against dirt and plastic-wrapped our entire house. The floor, furniture, even our feet now have to be covered in plastic. Everything squeaks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 611

You deserved it 260

Heist

By Pedro the Basuraman - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, after 27 years of dedicated and loyal service, it finally happened, I was robbed at gunpoint at work. The whole heist only took about 30 seconds and the perpetrator took off without taking anything from me. I still don't get it. What kind of screwball would hijack a garbage truck? FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 823

You deserved it 245

By Anonymous - 18/05/2018 20:30

Today, on the train, a man kept grabbing my crotch. When I told him to stop, I got yelled at for harassing an elderly man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 265

You deserved it 312

Hand me downs

By Marcipaud - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Detroit

Today, I opened up an English textbook to find someone else's dirty fingernails between the pages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 191

You deserved it 1 067

By TiredHomeowner - 16/07/2018 15:00

Today, I realised just how skewed my reality is when I was pleasantly surprised that teenagers threw eggs at my windows. They usually throw rocks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 420

You deserved it 224

Too much of a good thing

By Anonymous - 21/05/2020 23:00

Today, my girlfriend complained that our quickies shouldn’t take 45 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 755

You deserved it 1 651

By Anonymous - 22/08/2018 20:30 - United States - Missoula

Today, I found out that I was misdiagnosed with ADHD 10 years ago and instead have bipolar disorder. For the last 10 years I have been taking meds that helped me focus on my manic / depressive state. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 010

You deserved it 198

Petty

By Kamilah - 03/05/2024 20:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I learned that my husband “accidentally” let the dog out and allowed her to be eaten by an alligator because I got a male coworker, who is also a good friend of mine, a birthday present. We had an argument about our friendship, which apparently bothers him. I’d had that dog since I was a junior in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 152

By Woody - 06/10/2018 22:00 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I went to take a dump at work, but the last person in the stall didn't flush. As I flushed for him, the shitty water splashed on my face. Some went in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 728

You deserved it 407

Thanks for nothing

By Somebody - 19/08/2020 17:01

Today, my mother-in-law came over. Probably thinking that the needles in our fridge were steroids, and wanting to do the right thing, she took them to throw them away. I'm diabetic, and they were my insulin. I went into shock after she left and had to go to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 763

You deserved it 173

Run for the hills

By Stuck - 26/02/2023 04:00 - Canada - Old Perlican

Spicy

Today, I've been engaged for 2+ years to a man who asks every day who i've spoken to and accuses me of cheating when I talk to people outside of my family. When he's home, I have to watch him talk on the phone to every person who calls. This is considered our time together. Then he wants sex. I know I'm stupid for staying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 506

You deserved it 1 871

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Photography Mysterious Neighbours Cute Relatable Family Love NSFW Sex Intimacy Mental health Ironic Embarrassing Haircut Money YouTube Wake up Messy DIY Awkward Cheating Pregnancy Kids Birthday Cats Animals Kittens Dogs Parenting

The Top

The Top

Today, as every day for the past few weeks, my husband won't have sex. His reason? We've decided to have a baby, and he reckons that the longer he waits, the more competition there will be between his sperm and thus the better the result will be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 501

You deserved it 53

Today, I accidentally left my cell phone at the restaurant. When I realized my mistake, I went back to see if anyone had found it. They said no, so I gave them my number to call if it turned up. I realized later that I'd given them my cell phone number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 974

You deserved it 26 520

Today, I was helping an old man find a pair of shoes. I told him about a particularly comfortable pair but had to inform him that they only came in black or white. Hearing this, the old man grabbed me around the neck and began to beat me in the head with our display shoe. He wanted brown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 185

You deserved it 4 239

Today, while trying to fix a corrupted USB hard drive with my wife’s computer I accidentally wiped her laptop drive instead of clearing the external drive. I’m not allowed on her computers anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 290

You deserved it 1 635

Today, I'm ashamed at ever having become a parent after I found out my daughter has been leading an online bullying campaign against a girl at her school who has disabilities, both mental and physical. Some of the language she was using in the online messages were just disgusting and unforgivable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 492

You deserved it 395

Today, I got yelled at for calling in sick to work. My boss said, "I still came to work when I had pneumonia. You'll live." Uh… that's not impressive or motivating at all. That's downright stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 980

You deserved it 115