The Top

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WTF are you doing?

By onlyolivia - 11/02/2016 19:55 - United States - Laurel

Today, we had some workers come to paint my office building. As a receptionist, it's my job to stock the fridge with soda. I walked into the supply closet just in time to find a worker peeing in a bucket. I stood there for about 10 seconds before I understood what was happening and ran out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 777

You deserved it 1 389

By Anonymous - 25/12/2009 08:14 - Canada

Today, I found out my ex got invited to our Christmas Party. I also found out that she got much more presents and money from my family than I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 428

You deserved it 2 985

The other notebook

By WTFisMyLife - 08/05/2019 03:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend whipped out his proverbial notebook, where he obviously keeps notes of what I do and how I act during sex, and then grilled me about every single one of those things. Now I'm scared to do anything because I don't want to be interrogated about it later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 697

You deserved it 322

By Yousaidyouweremoving - 11/12/2016 16:23 - United States

Today, I saw my ex-boyfriend at Wal-Mart. This would have been fine had he not broken up with me because he was "moving to Canada." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 397

You deserved it 765

Classic scam

By Anonymous - 01/07/2017 12:00 - United States - New Hyde Park

Today, I was driving when a woman started crossing the street against the light at the upcoming intersection, so I slammed on the brakes and stopped short of hitting her. That's when she intentionally jumped onto my car and started screaming that I had "mowed her down". The cops believed her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 277

You deserved it 313

By ilovepancakes - 20/09/2016 00:29 - United States - Rolling Meadows

Today, after talking to the man whose car I scratched, we agreed that the damages and cost of repair were so low and instead of me paying I just buy him coffee. When I showed up he saw me, decided I was too ugly to have coffee with, and instead demanded full payment in cash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 221

You deserved it 1 418

Et tu, Brute?

By missseloit3 - 09/12/2017 01:30

Spicy

Today I caught my husband cheating on me in our bed with my 19-year-old brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 370

You deserved it 573

By nothing_nobody - 23/06/2016 01:31

Today, I was volunteering at a local hospital. I was eagerly introducing myself to all the nurses, as I would be working with them all summer. It wasn't until I got home that I discovered the giant piece of lettuce stuck in my front teeth. So much for first impressions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 617

You deserved it 1 970

Party zone!!

By helloworld92 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I hung out with my crush for only the second time at his apartment. He was having a party. After a few sips of my green apple Smirnoff, I puked up the chinese food I had eaten earlier all over his new couch in front of him and a bunch of people I didn't know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 581

You deserved it 8 270

Daddy's girl, heartless father

By what? - 13/01/2022 23:01

Today, my daughter asked me to hug her and tell her I love her, like I "always used to", because she “misses it.” She’s 25 years-old and acts like a little baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 293

You deserved it 2 463

Owl be there for you

By No2ndDate - 02/02/2017 04:00 - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, I went on a date to an owl sanctuary. Today is also the day I discovered my all-encompassing fear of owls, as I cried and pissed myself in front of my date and 15 other visitors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 996

You deserved it 1 582

By Anonymous - 29/07/2012 20:34 - United States - Johnston

Today, after a busy afternoon taking care of the kids, I was feeling really down about only being a mom these days, and I was hoping my husband would make me feel better when he got off work. In the middle of cuddling, he called me "mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 847

You deserved it 4 018

By Aldric - 10/06/2016 10:46 - Germany - Munich

Today, I was an extra in a movie and I had to play a corpse. At the make up stand, they painted my mouth blue. I then asked the make-up artist why they didn’t do more : "You’re so pale it looks like you’re already dead". FML

I agree, your life sucks 919

You deserved it 127

By Banana_Lord - 11/09/2015 23:50 - United Kingdom - Arbroath

Today, I rode my new bike for the first time. I made it less than 100 feet from my driveway before I was almost flattened by someone driving on the wrong side of the road. Upside: I managed to get out of the way. Downside: I did it by slamming my brand new, expensive bike into a wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 466

You deserved it 1 857

Cheap and gross

By ilovemypup - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, while at my job in a candy store, a boy stuck his hand into the bin, contaminating the candy. As I politely explained that the dad had to purchase the affected candy he refused, yelled, then angrily agreed to buy them. The total cost of the candy with the extra pieces? $1.69. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 001

You deserved it 793

Help yourself

By BunnysKitty - 11/07/2017 04:30 - United States - Columbia City

Today, I wanted to pack my lunch with some of my homemade meatloaf leftover from last night's dinner, but I couldn't find it anywhere in my fridge. Later in the evening, my boyfriend's parents invited us over for dinner. They served meatloaf. The meatloaf they stole from my fridge last night when they visited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 936

You deserved it 366

Caught

By Anonanon - 12/07/2011 17:10 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I finally had sex with the guy I've been flirting with for months. Immediately after, he gave me the "let's just be friends" speech then left for work, accidentally locking me in his apartment. I had to call his ex-girlfriend to come let me out. She smirked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 987

You deserved it 13 857

By hard worker - 22/08/2016 01:03

Today, I gave my boss two weeks notice for me leaving work, as I had received a better job offer with twice the pay. I thought he took it well until I heard him mutter under his breath, "About fucking time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 330

You deserved it 1 638

Honest

By TheHeirofTime - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Marlborough

Today, I had to cancel an appointment due to diarrhea. I was so nervous that when the receptionist asked why, I told her, "I can't stop shitting." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 567

You deserved it 1 843

By JustShutUp - 27/07/2016 18:40

Today, my neighbour was singing in the shower so loud that I could understand every word. He was singing "Purple Rain", which wouldn't have been so bad if he only knew a bit more of the lyrics. He has been singing those same two words for half an hour now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 542

You deserved it 948

By WhatAKeeper - 02/05/2018 15:00 - Denmark

Today, my boyfriend accused me of ruining his life by getting pregnant. Apparently, the "love of his life" has now left him, and it's all my fault. I thought we were monogamous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 751

You deserved it 400

By constantine - 04/02/2009 14:18 - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend that I didn't feel wanted. Then she talked about how her cat puked on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 517

You deserved it 3 473

She'll be single for a looong time...

By keiler - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she found out I play video games. No, not that I play too many video games or have an addiction to video games. Just that I play them, period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 111

You deserved it 446

Shy colon

By scared2poop - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Australia - Brighton

Today, like many other days, I drove 15 minutes away from my girlfriend's house to poop at the local McDonald's, because I'm too scared of her roommates hearing my extreme noise terror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 865

You deserved it 4 019

Jorts it is

By pantless - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was written up for being late to work. I was late because somebody in my dorm stole my pants. All of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 847

You deserved it 1 316

By AllyK_shawol - 09/03/2016 18:55 - United States - Midland

Today, I received a full tuition scholarship to my ideal university in the mail. This would be perfect, except I sent an email to the college 2 days earlier, informing them that I couldn't attend because of financial concerns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 249

You deserved it 2 177

AllyK_shawol tells us more.

AllyK_shawol 15

Saturday 12 March 2016 19:53

hi OP here again. cost of living is not included in the scholarship at all. no it is not more than the tuition of course but it is still sadly too much. for the field i am going into, i will end up getting a doctorate degree so going to a CC would not be a wise choice at all.

By ShortTermMemoryFailure - 01/11/2018 12:00 - Canada - Halifax

Today, I discovered that I once again forgot my credit card in the vending machine at work. This is the second time in a week that this happened, and now 6 coworkers have bought drinks with my card since I lost it. I have no way of making it back to work for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 379

You deserved it 3 521

Small world

By Anonymous - 13/12/2018 03:00

Spicy

Today, I got back to my hotel at the same time as my supervisor and realized we had rooms right next to each other. I thought it was funny and said good night to him… only to remember that I had slept with HIS boss last night. We were not quiet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 488

You deserved it 3 940

By Crushed - 04/11/2016 14:23

Today, the girl I've had a crush on for months invited me on a group hiking trip this weekend so that she won't be the most out of shape person on the trail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 912

You deserved it 1 177

By ripmylife - 10/10/2016 17:53 - Germany - Herford

Today, my boyfriend heard me confessing my undying love to someone while we were skyping. He's now convinced that I was talking to some other guy and had forgotten to mute my phone. I was talking to my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 733

You deserved it 2 139

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The Top

The Top

Today, while my eyes are closed in the shower, I asked my son to hand me the shampoo. He gave me his mother’s hair removal cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 73

Today, I broke into tears at work after being told my aunt had a stroke. My boss told me to "suck it up, no one is that close to their aunt." My aunt adopted me when my mother passed away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 924

You deserved it 2 465

Today, I walked in on my 14-year-old son apparently practicing his oral sex skills on the crotch of one of his sister's Barbie dolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 130

You deserved it 5 411

Today, we had a new babysitter coming over to the house and my kids were a bit anxious, so I asked her to send me a message telling me how it went. At around 10, I received a message saying, “it’s going alright. Both kids are in bed.” I have three children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 547

You deserved it 457

Today, I stalked my boyfriend's ex again. I have come to the realization that I look just like her. I’m that girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 237

You deserved it 1 031

Today, my boss caught me coming to work late. I panicked and told him I’d been there all day. He knows I do a lot of editing for Wikipedia, so he actually found my publicly listed edits showing I’d been publishing edits from my normal account, i.e. my home PC, when I should have been at work. Oops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 955