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By Anonymous - 09/07/2016 23:31

Today, the guy I broke up with for being too possessive and jealous threatened to leak my nudes if he sees or hears that I've gotten with anyone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 678

You deserved it 5 297

By AHHH_REPTAR - 23/06/2016 04:54 - United States - Spearfish

Today, while drilling holes in "No Smoking" signs for my job, I gave myself a minor cut that would appear to most as a papercut. I then had to fill out 3 double-sided pages of paperwork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 649

You deserved it 1 405

By Tigerninjagoalie - 20/06/2016 23:13 - United States - Tonawanda

Today, I finally found someone who liked me and wanted to kiss me. It was a 5-year-old at the daycare I work at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 687

You deserved it 1 048

By prettyinpurple - 10/02/2009 04:54 - United States

Today, I was in a car accident. After screaming at the woman for running into me, I got in my car and drove off. As I was driving away, I was staring her down when I ended up rear-ending the person in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 953

You deserved it 56 373

Leave me alone

By TordNorski - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Mission Viejo

Today, I finally had a day off in two weeks and I was excited about getting to sleep in. At 5 a.m., my mom loudly knocked and came in. When I asked her what she wanted, she said she was checking to see if I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 314

You deserved it 1 195

Bad guy (duh)

By Anonymous - 17/06/2020 20:01

Today, I had to fake enthusiasm when my girlfriend told me she's pregnant. She has a nasty streak and I was planning to break up with her, but if I left her now everyone would think I’m the bad guy. I actually think she’s capable of killing me if she gets angry enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 220

You deserved it 919

Pure class

By Scarred4lyfe - 28/02/2016 22:32 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, my cousin got married. I was cold so I went to get my jacket from my car. While leaving I saw my cousin walking around the front of the venue. I told her she looked beautiful in her dress. She looked up and said, "Where is my beer, have you seen my beer?" and threw up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 540

You deserved it 1 437

Fined

By cande - 01/12/2009 03:22 - United States

Today, my apartment complex added $250 to the $1,000 my roomate and I already owe because of an unauthorized pet and complaints from neighbors that our dog barks all night long. We don't have a dog, we don't even have a pet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 958

You deserved it 2 528

By fuck the man-dominated construction business - 19/06/2013 16:18 - Finland - Helsinki

Today, I won an argument against a sexist co-worker. When I left later on, I jumped into my car to drive home, but managed to reverse it into a parked excavator. Guess who's going to hear virginal jokes about women drivers from now on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 815

You deserved it 17 996

By Too Many Layers - 24/10/2016 18:43 - United Kingdom - Newton Abbot

Today, I found out my landlord has bought himself a new boat. He refuses to turn up the heating to save money. I'm freezing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 987

You deserved it 779

By rickjameson - 29/08/2016 10:19 - United States - Kill Devil Hills

Today, I made a point of talking to our parachute riggers, and thanking them for all they do. Today is also the first day I had to pull my reserve chute because my main chute didn't open correctly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 177

You deserved it 1 051

Alas, poor Stuart

By ShouldIHelpIt - 18/05/2016 02:46 - United States - Northampton

Today, I woke up to hear dripping water in the kitchen. Thinking it was someone getting a glass of water or something, I came out to find that it was just a mouse drowning in my dog's water bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 846

You deserved it 952

By abbacjt - 16/01/2009 17:51 - United States

Today, I sent my sister a text about how fat I was becoming and looking as disgusting as my ex-husband. When I checked to see if she had received it I saw that I had accidentally sent it to my ex-father in law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 780

You deserved it 26 755

By Batman - 09/09/2018 23:30

Today, I finished my 83-page thesis for my Stanford class and put it on my desk. Then, as a prank, my girlfriend hid it. She forgot where she put it. The thesis is due in 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 750

You deserved it 671

Brain fart

By good job brain - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had a job interview. I was asked what my dream job would be. I blurted out, "The president, because I think it's a very cool and important job." I don't think I'm getting this one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 159

You deserved it 5 337

By Dirtbikesnowboard - 09/11/2016 19:00 - United States - Cedar City

Today, my best friend got jealous that his dog likes me more. He told me I have to spank it whenever it cuddles with me so it will love him more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 639

You deserved it 657

By anonymous - 11/10/2016 05:23 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, I was taking my phone out of my pocket when it caught on the fabric and began to fall. I managed to catch it, but also smacked myself in the balls in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 612

You deserved it 2 217

Oh the times, they are a-changin'

By toelie - 06/11/2017 22:00

Today, as two of my students walked into my classroom, I said, "Hi, ladies". One of them screamed at me: "Did you just assume my gender?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 158

You deserved it 614

How would that work?

By minnie - 23/10/2019 04:00 - Australia

Today, my fiancée suggested a 'Back To The Future' - themed wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 329

You deserved it 412

By shit - 28/04/2016 11:05 - United States - Colonial Heights

Today, I went to the dentist; no one was in the waiting room so I danced around and mouthed songs that were on the radio. It wasn't till after I went to the counter and saw the receptionists laughing like a pack of hyenas that I realized there was a camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 962

You deserved it 8 174

By cherbear1000 - 04/09/2013 21:07 - United States - Newville

Today, I put scribbles, lines, shapes and random words on my calendar just to make it seem like I was busy. This isn't the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 011

You deserved it 9 024

By Loopylogo - 10/01/2017 14:01

Today, my boss came into the office asked how I was doing and seemed totally normal and happy, then said, "I have to let you go. I heard some bad things about you." He wouldn't tell me what he heard, or from whom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 698

You deserved it 534

By Anonymous - 03/02/2017 02:00 - United States - Spearfish

Today, my dumbass cat sat on a lit candle. The whole house now smells like burnt hair and I now have to clip clumps of wax-burnt hair off his bum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 028

You deserved it 975

By ruttles - 28/04/2017 17:47

Today, like every day, I made myself some coffee with my Keurig, but today I discovered a lot of mold growing inside it. I guess that explains why I've been so sick and feel like my lungs have been on fire the last few weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 911

You deserved it 2 035

ruttles tells us more.

ruttles 16

Friday 28 April 2017 17:24

Op here I actually don't buy the kcups I buy regular coffee and a pod with a washable filter...both cheaper and environmentally friendly. And the keurig was given to me so never actually bought the machine and I never read up on the maintenance instructions like I should've, which I acknowledge is my fault. But I put milk and sugar in my coffee so it never actually tasted bad to me. And the whole machine is black so I couldn't see the mold growing in it. But we've since took the keurig apart (literally) and thoroughly washed and sanitized it and we installed a water filter on it.

Showtime

By lizzie - 27/07/2011 13:30 - United States

Today, I was going to a talent show. On the way there, my car broke down, I lost my keys, and managed to slam my hand in a window. I got there and waited in the theater for an hour, before a janitor came by and said, "Show is tomorrow, lady." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 677

You deserved it 9 598

Getting on

By cookieman - 06/01/2017 11:52

Today, in a coffee shop, I purchased two doughnuts and cup of coffee, a regular order which I've bought many times before. Today the cost was $1 less and when I inquired why, I was told, "I gave you the senior's discount." Their policy is a senior discount for anyone over 55. I turned 50 last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 481

You deserved it 1 331

By TheIrony - 19/07/2016 21:50 - United States

Today, while driving I saw a police car riding along next to me. Thinking about the news recently, I decided to give him a quick thumbs up and a smile to lighten up his day. He looks back, smiles, flips on his siren, and pulls me over for not paying attention to the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 207

You deserved it 3 571

By faye - 14/02/2009 18:43 - United States

Today, I got my license renewed and the woman behind the desk looked at me and said "guess we need to update the weight, huh?". FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 091

You deserved it 6 029

By Phycheledic - 12/05/2016 10:22 - United States

Today, I was volunteering at the daycare in my area. When this one kid was leaving, he asked his mom, "Why is she so ugly?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 531

You deserved it 1 600

Odorama

By carla - 13/01/2009 01:35 - France

Today, as I came out of changing rooms in a clothes shop, I gave back all the stuff I'd tried on to a saleswoman. I then walked off, made it a couple of yards, changed my mind, and decided to purchase one of the items I'd tried. When I got back, the saleswoman was spraying the changing room I'd used with deodorant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 590

You deserved it 10 798

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Today, I was walking around in a park when I passed some kids playing soccer. One of them kicked the ball as hard as he could at me. Luckily, I caught the ball, then I drop-kicked it, intending to say, "Go get it." Instead, it bounced off a nearby tree and hit me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 882

You deserved it 47 239

Today, I was with my girlfriend in her room. She starts screaming. Her father bursts in and, thinking I'm some kind of rapist, hits me in the head with a baseball bat. Not bad enough? I wasn't the one making her scream. There was a huge spider on the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106 856

You deserved it 5 334

Today, after 3 years of unemployment and 6 months of hard studying, I found out I hadn't actually registered myself for the public service exam that will happen later this month and could finally get me a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 534

You deserved it 2 499

Today, the person who bullied me throughout my childhood eventually resulting in me going to therapy and switching schools became my boss. On top of that, he refers to me by the insulting nickname he called me during childhood. It's good to see that growing up hasn't changed him at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 162

You deserved it 427

Today, I turned $50 into 25k, all off sports gambling, but then lost most of it before I could even take the money out. I'm now sitting on about $1500 to my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 1 395

Today, I got in the elevator with my dog and pressed the button for my floor. Instead of going up, it dropped two floors and opened up to a random basement room filled with nothing but mannequins, and wouldn't go back up. I had to fumble our way to the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 502

You deserved it 98