Intimacy, Sex and Dreams: Totally? Really?

Totally? Really?

By honk honk, fuckwad - 06/11/2015 22:39 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had a dream where I was giving Justin Bieber a blowjob. I'm a totally straight male. I have half a mind to bill the little bastard for therapy sessions. FML

agreeclassic 23 980

vote type 1 6 011

Watch out for the New Year
It's time to say goodbye to the current year, but when the goodbye goes wrong, it's a different story. Be careful, you might want to stay at home. More…

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By Anonymous - 17/07/2013 20:27 - United States - Wales

Today, my girlfriend guilted me into roleplaying as Justin Bieber before and during sex. I now feel physically ill. FML

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By chacha - 28/11/2009 18:11 - United States

Today, I realized that I'm a sleepwalker and for the past week, that dream where I was giving my roommate a blowjob was real. He just pretended it never happened. FML

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By Anonymous - 04/12/2010 11:23 - Sweden

Today, I woke up after a dream where I got it good from none other than Arnold Schwarzenegger. The problem? I'm a guy, and straight. Apparently my subconscious has a fetish for old Austrian bodybuilders. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/06/2014 22:20 - United States - Barnhart

Today, I woke up screaming like a little bitch. I'd been having a bizarre dream where I was having sex with Homer Simpson, when he suddenly had a heart attack and fell on me, crushing me to death. I think my brain needs a douching. FML

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By urgg - 05/09/2010 14:20 - United States

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By forever alone - 30/08/2016 13:55 - Trinidad and Tobago - San Fernando

Today, I had a terrible dream where my aunt paid a stripper to have sex with me, since I'm 27 and haven't even kissed a guy yet. I ended up taking the dream-stripper to the mall for snacks instead. Even my dreams are mocking me. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/07/2012 10:03 - United States

Today, I had this amazing dream that a beautiful girl was giving me head. It was getting really hot, so in my dream, I reached down to push on her head, but in real life I actually swung my arm down and punched myself in the balls. FML

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By Anonymous - 07/04/2015 21:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML

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Hottttt

By whatthefuck - 27/12/2015 23:22 - United States - Providence

Today, I had a dream where I was having the best sex of my life. With Donald Trump. My boyfriend hasn't stopped laughing. FML

agreeclassic 25 651

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By Anonymous - 18/08/2015 13:26 - United States - Manchester

Today, I woke up from the most sensual dream I've had in months. Unfortunately, despite it being better than any action I've had in a long time, the dream was about me fucking a donut. FML

agreeclassic 26 363

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jonomc 12

Saturday 7 November 2015 8:54

This whole FML leaves a bad taste in the mouth.

allforfun 23

Saturday 7 November 2015 8:50

At least you didn't wake up next to him

Comments

TheCrazier 3

Tuesday 10 November 2015 2:03

i have bad news for you

haphazardly 15

Sunday 15 November 2015 0:19

Do ittt

Shine242 17

Wednesday 18 November 2015 17:44

Omgosh sounds like a straight up nightmare! I hate stupid dreams.

Host2phats 21

Thursday 10 December 2015 18:46

someone wants a bieber pop sub consciously ofc straight for pressure gay for real

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, I found a limp head of celery in the fridge. I thought it looked like the squid alien baby from Men in Black. After nursing it for a couple of hours, giving it food, and rocking it to sleep, my parents found me. Then I realised it was just celery. Too bad it took that long for my meds to kick in. FML

agreeclassic 25 012

vote type 1 7 484

Today, I helped my father upload his photos to iCloud because he was running out of storage on his phone. First thing I saw on his camera roll is a video of him sucking two guys off. He’s been married to my mom for 25 years. FML

agreeclassic 1 577

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Today, I got stuck in the bathroom with no toilet paper. I had to reach into my small trash can and use soiled toilet paper to clean myself. When I went to flush the toilet, I noticed three unused rolls of toilet paper sitting on the counter. FML

agreeclassic 20 838

vote type 1 52 362

Today, I'm severely sunburned and can barely walk properly. My boyfriend keeps telling his friends that it's because of, "how hard he gave it to me last night." FML

agreeclassic 58 679

vote type 1 10 139

Today, I went out of my way to get my significant other some medicine for his mom. Said medicine is very expensive, and since I didn't have the cash, I agreed to work every major holiday in December in exchange for the medicine. My SO didn't even bother to say thanks, and ghosted me after I gave the meds to him. FML

agreeclassic 1 062

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Today, I woke up to the news that my mom's in jail. FML

agreeclassic 45 192

vote type 1 3 742

Totally? Really?

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