Intimacy: Today, I realized that I'm a sleepwalker and for the past week,...

By chacha - 28/11/2009 18:11 - United States

Today, I realized that I'm a sleepwalker and for the past week, that dream where I was giving my roommate a blowjob was real. He just pretended it never happened. FML

agreeclassic 38 579

vote type 1 5 541

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Twisted

By sleepwalker - 22/11/2009 01:33 - United States

Today, I woke up in my roommate's bed. Apparently, the previous night I sleep-walked into her room, layed on her bed, and fell asleep. In the middle of her and her boyfriend having sex. He's now going around saying he slept with both of us. FML

agreeclassic 25 808

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By Anonymous - 17/01/2016 18:41 - United States - Valparaiso

Today, I was having a wet dream and had a pretty vivid imagination. I ended up thrusting so hard that it showed up in reality. I literally humped so hard that I woke myself up. Not only that, but I was sleeping on the living room floor so my roommates saw and now it's their joke of the day. FML

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Poor pillow

By Randy Candy - 12/02/2021 17:01 - United States

Today, I was having a fantastic sex dream. So good, in fact, that I woke myself up breathing heavily and humping my pillow. I was at my friend's house and she saw everything. FML

agreeclassic 1 347

vote type 1 301

Fart are funny, period

By amg85904 - 30/01/2009 00:13 - United States

Today, I was in one of those lucid half sleeps with my boyfriend. Not fully awake to control myself, I ripped ass. I had no idea what to do. I pretended to still be sleeping. I'm pretty sure he noticed because he patted me on the back in a congratulatory sort of way. FML

agreeclassic 26 917

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By Light Sleeper - 14/10/2012 04:24 - United States - Evansville

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to initiate sex with me in my sleep. He confessed to thinking that if he did it lightly enough, I'd think I was just dreaming. FML

agreeclassic 33 068

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By Anonymous - 21/11/2015 10:03 - United States - Norwalk

Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML

agreeclassic 25 056

vote type 1 2 328

By Sleep Walking - 23/01/2009 18:51 - United States

Today, I found out that after drunkenly falling asleep at a guy's house, I not only slept-walked in his house, but I went upstairs into his parents room. And used their bathroom. I don't remember any of this, but his mom does. FML

agreeclassic 30 926

vote type 1 9 243

By ihateeverything - 14/01/2015 17:35 - United States - Granbury

Today, I dreamed that I cheated on my boyfriend. I was so overwhelmed with guilt that I called him while half-asleep to tell him about it and apologize. I'm fully awake now and he doesn't believe it was really a dream. FML

agreeclassic 36 544

vote type 1 8 479

Stop, please stop

By yuck - 05/06/2015 19:11

Today, I found out that what I thought was my brother gasping and groaning in his dreams most nights is actually him jacking off. FML

agreeclassic 30 463

vote type 1 4 207

Night terror

By Freaked OUT - 06/09/2025 03:00 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I woke up to my roommate screaming. Turns out, I had sleepwalked into her bed during the night. I don’t remember anything, but apparently I told her, “Shhh, don’t mention the ducks” before laying down next to her and fell asleep. FML

agreeclassic 413

vote type 1 107

facefirst 0

Saturday 28 November 2009 23:06

That blows.

mykehawke 0

Saturday 28 November 2009 23:07

you can be my roommate anytime 

Comments

giiiiinge 0

Saturday 28 November 2009 23:01

Too many negative votes, comment buried

Show the comment

DameGreyWulf 0

Saturday 28 November 2009 23:13

LOL Nice, nice, very nice. [edit] Ah, the comment I replied to said "Dreams do cum true." Damn you, Faulty Comment System! I wonder if he pretended it never happened because he didn't want you finding out or because he found himself oddly disturbed by how much he enjoyed it. (And I mean the latter regardless of gender; think about if your friend (I would assume you'd be friends if you were room mates) just randomly came in, half asleep, and started giving you oral? Confusingly good)

skulldrix 0

Saturday 5 December 2009 1:14

LMAO!!!

giiiiinge 0

Tuesday 22 December 2009 12:11

ooh i was first and i didn't even notice :) at least this is one less FML that doesn't have FIIIIIIRST!!! as a comment -.- :L

PoopTrainDix 0

Wednesday 3 March 2010 20:10

are you a girl!?

megamuffin128 0

Wednesday 14 April 2010 13:47

regardless of whether your a guy or a girl maybe your dreams are trying to tell you something

DemonicFatty 2

Friday 30 July 2010 5:56

sleepover at my house

sexycourtcourt 0

Saturday 9 October 2010 19:48

haha I've done that before lol it was hella funny

giorgi0202 9

Tuesday 1 October 2013 14:18

American girls are such ****** they cant even stop sucking dick in their sleep

giiiiinge 0

Saturday 28 November 2009 23:01

Too many negative votes, comment buried

Show the comment

Clitastrophe 0

Saturday 28 November 2009 23:04

Too many negative votes, comment buried

Show the comment

Zoroark899 6

Tuesday 12 June 2012 23:35

Pretty sure it is a guy. I don't think they put opposite genders as roommates. :)

ahti546 11

Monday 16 July 2012 1:41

It may not be a college dorm, could just an apartment, in which case most don't care.

acciofrenchhorn 16

Sunday 23 February 2014 5:28

What I want to know is why it would be ok if they were a girl?

supersitter 11

Wednesday 11 June 2014 3:20

You mean not if you're a girl/guy, but if you are interested in guys/girls, right?

Clitastrophe 0

Saturday 28 November 2009 23:05

Too many negative votes, comment buried

Show the comment

Clitastrophe 0

Saturday 28 November 2009 23:05

Too many negative votes, comment buried

Show the comment

Clitastrophe 0

Saturday 28 November 2009 23:09

I have no clue what the **** is wrong with FML today. I just don't.

facefirst 0

Saturday 28 November 2009 23:06

That blows.

gods_hunter10 0

Wednesday 10 February 2010 7:09

that is an oxiemoron... nice job *high fives*

imcannedfruit 0

Saturday 20 February 2010 5:48

You're so punny!!! :)

xxroseyxx 0

Wednesday 6 October 2010 16:01

ahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahaha good one!

mayumm 0

Tuesday 9 November 2010 1:40

WIN @ 6 && look at the picture to ..... lol

cupcake10101 0

Sunday 27 March 2011 22:09

I love puns :) and nice picture

almostalbino 10

Thursday 9 June 2011 2:04

that's not an oxymoron... fail

dyschordia 0

Sunday 12 June 2011 15:29

No - that's not an oxymoron. That's a pun. But I guess if you don't know how to spell the word you probably don't know how to define it, either...

h8rs_get_at_me 4

Saturday 7 January 2012 15:12

105- i agree

mckibabe 7

Thursday 26 April 2012 9:35

Yah your life really sucks.

mykehawke 0

Saturday 28 November 2009 23:07

you can be my roommate anytime 

weissesengel 0

Tuesday 25 January 2011 0:22

Too many negative votes, comment buried

Show the comment

idontcare8l 3

Monday 19 September 2011 8:53

ahem let me correct you , smart!

HunterB0y 0

Saturday 28 November 2009 23:24

Too many negative votes, comment buried

Show the comment

a192837465 0

Saturday 28 November 2009 23:25

wow that would be amazing. lol free blow jobs everynight and no worries

MorlekEngel 0

Saturday 28 November 2009 23:26

Damn.... Is he attractive? mmmmmm sleep sex...... Oral sex. Whatever.

blland 0

Saturday 28 November 2009 23:36

your life is a dream.

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, I found the engagement ring I'd bought and been missing for a week. On my girlfriend's hand. While my childhood friend was inside her. They apparently like pretending she's married while doing this. They made this self-discovery a week ago. Good for them. I don't want the ring back. FML

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Today, my boyfriend got mad at me because I refused to keep him company while he took a shit. FML

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