Dogs and Animals: It hurts when I pee

It hurts when I pee

By yomamma787 - 24/11/2009 17:11 - United States

Today, I was outside, peeing on a cactus. Then all of a sudden my dog jumped on my back, knocking me into the cactus. FML

agreeclassic 14 906

vote type 1 54 469

Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Similar FMLs

By Anonymous - 31/08/2014 17:51 - United States

Today, I was hiking down a steep hill, and I slipped. I instinctively grabbed the nearest object to me: a very prickly cactus. FML

agreeclassic 39 527

vote type 1 3 877

Shout the victory

By dogpatch087 - 02/01/2020 03:00 - United States - Ventura

Today, while climbing a mountain, I got to the top and then put both of my arms up in a victory kind of way only to trip on a rock and fall into a cactus plant. FML

agreeclassic 1 799

vote type 1 509

By Anon - 24/03/2012 02:42 - United States

Today, while hiking and wearing sandals, I stubbed my toe. This wouldn't have been so bad had it not been into a cactus with 3 inch thorns. FML

agreeclassic 12 418

vote type 1 32 310

By thanksdad - 16/03/2014 19:28 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I found out what it feels like to be slapped in the face with a potted cactus. FML

agreeclassic 46 833

vote type 1 6 297

By Username - 15/07/2011 19:51 - United States

Today, the plant on my windowsill fell and landed in my face while I was napping. It's a cactus. FML

agreeclassic 44 213

vote type 1 7 951

By Anonymous - 29/02/2012 16:52 - United States

Today, I rescued a cactus from a lethal fall. It thanked me with a handful of spines. FML

agreeclassic 10 416

vote type 1 33 020

By mraow123 - 30/05/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I was walking my dog but every time he looked like he was about to "go", he became uninterested with the spot and kept walking. I, following behind, tripped over a bump in the sidewalk and face planted. My dog then finally urinated, all over my aching body. FML

agreeclassic 53 406

vote type 1 4 666

By Broderick - 26/03/2011 06:32 - United States

Today, I was hiking, and four miles away from my car and civilization, I tripped over a rock into a cactus. I used duct tape, which ripped all the hair off my arms and legs but ignored the spikes. FML

agreeclassic 30 095

vote type 1 6 964

By Chandler - 16/09/2011 19:26 - United States

Today, in a desperate bid to avoid going to the doctor, my young son ran into and hid inside a cactus garden. I had to drag him out. FML

agreeclassic 26 871

vote type 1 2 945

By Koko - 07/04/2016 16:07 - Germany - Berlin

Today, my dog was so happy to see me that he laid down on his back and started pissing like a fountain. He pissed on everything around him, including me. FML

agreeclassic 19 802

vote type 1 1 955

Brave_Sir_Robin 4

Tuesday 24 November 2009 20:04

What a prick.

Stumblebum30 5

Tuesday 24 November 2009 20:24

do you think the world is your toilet? dumb ass

Comments

NomNomMuffin 5

Thursday 11 August 2011 3:02

Why are you peeing on a Cactus in the first place? Wtf

spicywatermelon 0

Wednesday 7 September 2011 7:52

fav.

XxLeoNaYxX 0

Sunday 2 October 2011 10:30

Dont you have a toliet ? And why would you use a CACTUS ? Use grass if your desperate.

CrazyV 22

Friday 18 November 2011 16:28

lmfao you freaking idiot

CrazyV 22

Friday 18 November 2011 16:30

lmfao you freaking idiot

CabbageTrees 13

Friday 25 November 2011 1:22

Because peeing on a cactus is a logical thing to do!

Samigirl11 0

Tuesday 6 December 2011 18:59

omggg that must have really hurt... I'm sorry I feel really bad

rachilio 26

Friday 30 December 2011 22:45

Y were u peeing on a cactus?

DuckyDave 6

Sunday 1 January 2012 0:24

Y the f were u peeing on w cactus??

Ruskie 0

Saturday 7 January 2012 7:41

Needle to the }---dick--->

VDM sur Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, our company got hacked. Our secretary fell for someone badly impersonating the head of customer service and sent them a full list of employee information from one of our new clients. The boss wants to blame us in IT for not training her on how to avoid this. He fell for a phishing attack last week. FML

agreeclassic 535

vote type 1 125

Today, while I was riding the bus to work, I noticed the guy sitting across from me had shorts on. He also had no underwear on and I could fully see his "parts" just hanging there. I decided to switch seats but as I stood up to move, the bus jerked. I fell face forward right into his "parts". FML

agreeclassic 12 135

vote type 1 1 488

Today, I saw maggots dropping from beneath my car. I looked under, to see a rotting paw dangling from my engine. That would explain the smell. FML

agreeclassic 1 024

vote type 1 178

Today, a friend asked me if I'd buy him some condoms because he's too shy to buy them himself. I obliged and whilst queuing at the till to buy them I felt someone tap my shoulder. I turned around to see my fiancée glaring at me. We don't use condoms. FML

agreeclassic 47 056

vote type 1 6 843

Today, my friends convinced me to go on a "short" hike. Little did I know, they're actually all avid hikers, whilst I'm more of an "indoor enthusiast." I've now been climbing a never-ending hill for hours, hallucinating about my cozy couch, and praying for a miracle to deliver pizza to the summit. FML

agreeclassic 590

vote type 1 378

Today, I was speaking with my therapist about future romantic endeavors. I'm currently separating from my husband of three years. I feel it's unlikely I will ever date again, and I've developed a phobia of sex over the past year. It's so severe that I cannot even masturbate. Destined to die alone. FML

agreeclassic 309

vote type 1 141

It hurts when I pee

Similar FMLs

Shout the victory

TOP COMMENTS

Comments