Intimacy: Captain Jack

Captain Jack

By Anonymous - 11/08/2012 22:22 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML

agreeclassic 18 424

vote type 1 43 639

End-of-year festivities: New Year's Eve fun and frolics
End the year on a high note with anecdotes where every New Year's Eve firecracker is synonymous with laughter! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Similar FMLs

By milked - 27/02/2015 05:28 - United States

Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML

agreeclassic 36 462

vote type 1 6 877

By anonymous - 03/06/2013 04:41 - United States - Banner Elk

Today, feeling the need to spice things up in our sex life, I dressed up in my husband's navy uniform jacket, hat, and a pair of heels. When he came into the room, he took one look at me and started laughing uncontrollably. FML

agreeclassic 60 983

vote type 1 18 318

Tiger King

By ??? - 12/10/2020 08:00 - United States

Today, I asked my wife how we could spice up our sex life. She wants me to dress up and talk like Joe Exotic. No, she wasn’t kidding. FML

agreeclassic 1 420

vote type 1 241

Spice it up

By Jan - 13/10/2025 20:00

Today, my husband came home, threw me over his shoulder, and carried me to the bedroom. Furious, I shrieked to be put down and demanded an explanation. He said, "I thought you wanted us to be more spontaneous…" Apparently, that means he should treat me like a sex toy. FML

agreeclassic 93

vote type 1 768

By Anonymous - 04/01/2016 06:59 - United States - Atwater

Today, my husband and I were getting frisky. All was going well until I decided to go down on him, causing him to freak out, thinking I was going for his butt, ending the night with a black eye from being knee'd in the face. FML

agreeclassic 25 636

vote type 1 2 710

By JK - 01/02/2010 00:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he'd like to dress me in a squirrel suit and chase me through the forest. This was the surprising result of a discussion on how to spice up our love life. FML

agreeclassic 30 979

vote type 1 4 736

Get it on

By xomelodygervais - 08/11/2013 14:00 - Canada - Timmins

Today, my husband's version of roleplaying was pretending that he actually wanted to have sex with me. FML

agreeclassic 29 024

vote type 1 6 197

Dirty talk

By Anonymous - 05/12/2010 06:57 - United States

Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML

agreeclassic 44 328

vote type 1 4 762

Try it, you never know…

By Anonymous - 02/01/2013 10:34 - United States - Sanford

Today, my husband came home with a bunch of realistic-looking wigs for women. When I asked them what they were for, he said he wanted to spice up our sex life with them. When I told him I refused to wear a wig, he said in a very serious tone that I wasn't going to be the one wearing them, he was. FML

agreeclassic 46 365

vote type 1 7 077

Revealing

By kitkat545 - 15/06/2009 23:18 - United States

Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML

agreeclassic 30 136

vote type 1 51 062

alstbv12 13

Sunday 12 August 2012 5:06

I guess he wanted to try the one-eyed pirate with you.

alissa222 15

Sunday 12 August 2012 5:09

At least he tried?

Comments

can2012 0

Tuesday 14 August 2012 0:39

Hahahahahhq best fml every

cheesendouche 1

Tuesday 14 August 2012 13:41

i would have loved it. wingeing bitch! why didn't u play along?? u might have enjoyed it. **** his life, poor guy can't do anything right in your eyes. don't worry he will never try again, it's all up to you now. if you can keep him...