Your everyday life stories

crapnugget - 03/04/2016 09:17 - Australia - Saint Marys

Today, my boyfriend asked me to help him apply hair remover cream to his back. Because he's Italian and is self conscious about his hair I agreed. While I was arms deep in the foul smelling cream, he asked me to do his arse crack 'because I was already there'. I got a handful of crap as thanks. FML

Anonymous - 03/04/2016 08:00 - United States - Santa Rosa Beach

Today I had a friendly competitive battle with a friend in a video game. I stated if he managed to get more kills than me that I would take his choice of character seriously. He was losing, and since I was proving him wrong he ended our 6 year friendship. FML.

randomuserlolol - 03/04/2016 07:30 - United States - Newark

Today, my key to my house broke inside of my doorknob. This would have been fine had I not been running from a very aggressive dog. FML.

fuxtix - 03/04/2016 07:23 - United Kingdom

Today, my sister-in-law got mad at me because we didn't ask her daughter (our niece) to be a bridesmaid at our wedding. we got married 10 years ago; our niece was born 6 years ago. FML.

nowsingle - 03/04/2016 07:17 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I learned that when my boyfriend jokingly broke up with me on April Fool's day, that he wasn't joking. FML

Anonymous - 03/04/2016 07:09

Today, I found out my 10 month old has a fascination with moles after he tried to scratch mine off to the point where he drew blood. I now have blood all over my white shirt and chest. FML.

salii321 - 03/04/2016 07:02 - Australia - Burwood

Today, I found myself mentally doing CTRL-F as I wanted to find a key word whilst studying for an exam. I guess due to so much stress I forgot I was actually reading my textbook. FML

Kurby14 - 03/04/2016 06:39 - United States - Fairbanks

Today, after being with someone for almost 5 years and standing with them in the hardest times, I discovered he has been cheating on me and sexting under age girls. FML

Anonymous - 03/04/2016 06:18 - Canada - Penetanguishene

Today, my boyfriend fingered me so hard that he thought I squirted when I came. It was pee. FML

Anonymous - 03/04/2016 05:48 - United States - Richmond

Today, I saw a girl crying on the subway. Wanting to be a good samaritan, I sat next to her and offered her a tissue. She shoved me out of my seat and screamed at me to leave her alone. FML

reverseracism? - 03/04/2016 05:48 - United States

Today, my boyfriend's father told me how happy he was his son was dating a white girl. He said he's not allowed to date outside his race, even though he's 23 years old. Uh, thanks? FML

nec6 - 03/04/2016 05:26 - United States - Abingdon

Today, while we were eating out at a restaurant, my 9 year old sister got wings and also learned what a boner is. She asked me, very loudly, if I wanted a wing and I said sure. Then, still very loudly, said "Do you want a one-boner or a two-boner?" She meant a flat or a drum. Everyone heard. FML

Anonymous - 03/04/2016 05:25 - United States - Bonney Lake

Today, I met the guy that I'm being forced to train to replace me at my high paying job. Not only is he a hardcore juggalo, my coworkers all agree he's more fun and more competent than I am. FML.

Ano "Clitoris" Nymous - 03/04/2016 05:01 - United States - Northampton

Today, I was hanging out with some friends. It came up that none of them knew my middle name, so they took turns guessing it. The closest they got was "Clitoris." FML

sheilandthegirls - 03/04/2016 04:20 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I have developed a full body, itchy rash expected to last 6-8 weeks. This is the second time in 4 months that I have had this rash. FML

anon - 03/04/2016 04:19 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after dieting and working out for weeks, my friends told me I had the perfect body to dress up as Pam from Archer on Halloween. FML

anonymous - 03/04/2016 04:06 - Canada - London

Today, my 3 friends all got into a fight, and I am now getting texts from each of them trying to get me on their side. FML

That's what you get for being nice, kids. - 03/04/2016 03:41 - United States - Bradenton

Today, as I was closing up at work, I noticed my coworker had forgotten to set out the newspapers for the next day. So, I did so and stayed behind as he and my manager left. When I was finally able to leave, my car wouldn't start. I was stranded for an hour alone in a sketchy dark parking lot. FML

rsue - 03/04/2016 03:40 - United States

Today, I learned what's even worse than having the Mexican food shits: having them while on your period. Every muscle from my ribcage to my knees is cramping. FML

mh_2323 - 03/04/2016 03:26 - United States - Troutville

Today, my boyfriend told me he has a STD. That he got from my friend. And he knew about this a week ago but he was too afraid to tell me. And we've had sex since then. FML

kitty4life - 03/04/2016 03:14 - United States - Mansura

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting pretty heated in my bedroom..well he put his hands in my pants, felt my pubic hair and looked at me and started singing "warm kitty, soft kitty, little ball of fur." I died inside, FML

Springtime Supernova - 03/04/2016 03:10 - United States - Roy

Today, I went in to the physical therapy program director to see why I wasn't accepted. She said I was an excellent candidate on paper, but that, "You are terrible at interviews." She said I seemed too nervous and if I changed my whole personality I would probably be accepted next year. FML

Just Saying - 03/04/2016 03:09 - United States - Lexington

Today, My sister called me a whore for dating two different dudes in the same month. Let me point out she's working on her 9th marriage. FML

terri_fran90 - 03/04/2016 03:03 - United States - Medina

Today, my fiance and I announced our engagement, only to be told by my horrendous to be mother in - law, "Nows really not the time for news like that." FML

xyris - 03/04/2016 02:56 - United States - Coldwater

Today, my dad assured me his dog would never hurt anyone and encouraged me to play with him. Two minutes in, he drew blood. My dad doesn't take responsibility. FML

Anonymous - 03/04/2016 02:54 - United States - Washington

Today, the spyware my mother installed on my computer is literally destroying it. My computer now runs like absolute shit, but she says I am not "trustworthy" enough to not have it. The only "bad" thing that ever happened was when my COUSIN used it to watch porn without me knowing. FML.

sillysadness - 03/04/2016 02:47 - United States - Carter Lake

Today, my misogynistic father got completely shitfaced and told me that the reason he and my mom were divorced was that he can't handle two women in his home at the same time. He then proceeded to tell me about how he cheated on his girlfriend by having a threesome with two college girls. FML

Anonymous - 03/04/2016 02:42 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my boyfriend of almost a year broke up with me, the day before my birthday. This is the second time this happened to me. FML

springbreak - 03/04/2016 02:40 - United States

Today, I got my tonsils out. My pain medication makes me nauseous and my anti-nausea medicine gives me migraines. Only 9 more days of recovery left. FML

ex-girlfriend - 03/04/2016 02:33 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me and still asked for my half of the rent although he had packed all my things and put them on the porch with a list of for rent condos. FML

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my mom told an entire room full of people about the time I almost died from severe diarrhea as a toddler. When I told her that it was embarrassing, she simply told me to “grow up”. FML

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Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML

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Today, my university is capable of sending me two diplomas in short succession due to a clerical error, but can't recognize that I've graduated and won't be taking classes with them in the fall. FML

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Today, I have to spray the kitchen whenever my new roommate cooks. Not only can he not cook, but what he usually makes is some godawful concoction of ramen noodles, canned tuna, Tuna Helper, and Ranch dressing for himself. The stink alone is enough to make me choke, but he smokes the entire time he makes it. FML

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Today, my boyfriend's idea of foreplay was to offer to make lunch, leave the room for a few minutes, then come back with no clothes on and offer me a "cockmeat sandwich". FML

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Today, I was psyching myself up in the office bathroom mirror before a big presentation. I was doing power poses and whispering, “You’re smart, you’re powerful, you’re unstoppable.” When I turned around, three coworkers were waiting silently for the stalls, watching my whole performance. FML

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