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Kids pick up stuff you say

By Embarrassed mom - 06/11/2025 15:00

Today, after a long, tedious and annoying wait in line at the supermarket, my 5-year-old told the cashier, “Mommy says you’re too slow.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 172

You deserved it 388

Thanks, asshole

By God dammit - 06/12/2025 20:00

Today, the new guy at my workplace was on his phone so much that he has become solely responsible for a new rule: no one is allowed to have their phone on their person, except on breaks. So, I guess that if my severely disabled mom ever has an emergency at home, she'll have to fend for herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 76

I hate my life

By Anonymous - 08/12/2025 15:00

Today, during a presentation, I gestured too dramatically and launched my pen across the room. It bounced off the projector screen, hit my boss’s coffee cup, and splattered it across the conference table. Everyone froze while I jokingly apologized to the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 173

You deserved it 276

Go go dancer

By Anonymous - 12/12/2025 03:00

Today, I was dancing in a club when some manager told me to stop messing around and get back on stage or I’m not getting paid. I think he thought I worked for him. I was in jeans and a glittery vest, all the dancers were in booty shorts and bikini tops. What the hell, my guy? FML

I agree, your life sucks 322

You deserved it 75

Yada yada yada

By Anonymous - 13/12/2025 22:00

Today, I tried to look productive in a meeting by nodding along, only to realize too late that I was actually nodding off. When my head dropped forward, it made a loud thud on my desk, and everyone stopped talking at once. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 381

Nice to see so much of you

By Anonymous - 20/12/2025 22:00

Today, I had to prepare a good setup to video chat with my friend in Hong Kong. I was so focused on the right lighting and angle, I didn't pay attention to what was in the background… Until my friend started giggling because she saw my tighty whitey-clad ass in the reflection of the mirror behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 470

Out of service

By Anonymous - 14/01/2026 20:00

Today, after I injured my left wrist from holding my nephew the wrong way for too many hours on New Year's, and found out that it would optimistically take 4-6 weeks to heal, this morning I managed to give myself second degree burns on my right hand from handling a tray I didn't know was hot. So that's three weeks with no hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 293

You deserved it 149

New avenue

By Pride lost - 20/01/2026 03:00

Today, my girlfriend and I went out with one of her guy friends. After two bars, we ended up back at her place and somehow the three of us ended up in bed. I was a Gold Star Lesbian and now I'm just a slutty bi girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 432

Playing favorites

By So sick of disrespect - 21/01/2026 22:00

Today, I was making dinner for my family while my wife was at work. She walked in the door with McDonald's, even though she knew I was cooking. Then our kids saw and started screaming that they wanted McDonald's too and that it was unfair. I've told her not to pull this shit and she won't listen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 633

You deserved it 73

Not my problem

By I cleaned it...slowly... - 27/01/2026 03:00

Today, someone (we don't know who) put a very massive and noticeable graffiti "mural" in the bathroom at my workplace. Guess who's job it was to clean it? If you said me, you'd be wrong. However, the guy whose job it was got distracted and didn't do it, so it became my job after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 348

You deserved it 85

LANGUAGE, SON!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was home on leave and having breakfast with my parents and my younger brothers. I guess I got too used to the rougher language around the Army barracks where I'm stationed. At the breakfast table, I asked my Mom to "pass me the f***ing butter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 233

You deserved it 70 593

Crash

By Anonymous - 01/02/2026 12:00

Today, I was proud of myself for buying the lowest calorie option at a Subway that I could walk to. By the time I managed to get there my blood sugar severely crashed (it didn't help that two people in front of me were ordering subs for their family and coworkers). I ended up buying six cookies to stave off the crash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 181

You deserved it 273

Damn, girl!

By just lemme smash - 12/02/2026 03:00

Today, my wife has quit nicotine. As expected, she's put on some weight, but it's all gone to her butt, boobs, and hips. She looks better than ever, easily 5 years younger, but she's so upset about the weight gain that she refuses to let me touch her, and she wears baggy clothes 24/7 now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 466

You deserved it 92

Leaky

By Anonymous - 03/03/2026 20:00

Today, I decided I was tired of being fat so I started GLP-1. Today I also learned it can cause intractable diarrhea. Today I shit in an emesis bag in my car in a line at my kids' school, so now I’m fat and a shitty mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 290

You deserved it 191

A bit much

By Jfc son - 09/03/2026 03:00

Today, my son was getting ready for a first date. I asked him what he was doing, and he revealed he'd saved his money and bought her a GOLD NECKLACE to show his love. I facepalmed so hard I nearly gave myself a concussion, then told him to put that away until their first anniversary or something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 113

No smoke, no fire

By Anonymous - 25/03/2026 03:00

Today, a misunderstanding led to me falsely accusing my husband of cheating. We cleared it up and he forgave me and everything, but my parents are still convinced that he cheated, and won't believe me when I say he wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 129

You deserved it 522

Small business woes

By Anonymous - 26/04/2026 12:00 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I run a small online shop and I got an order from a new customer. I packed everything, added a handwritten thank-you note… and mixed up the shipping label with another package. One customer got handmade candles, the other got a box of unrelated items and a note saying, “Hope this smells amazing.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 143

You deserved it 327

Graphic design is my passion

By Anonymous - 19/05/2026 15:00 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, my boss asked if anyone knew basic Photoshop, and I volunteered because I once edited memes in high school. Two hours later I was sweating through my shirt trying to remove a reflection from a company head shot while my coworkers slowly realized I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 374

This is us

By Anonymous - 23/05/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, CPS came to my door because they found out that I didn't report it when my sister abandoned her kids on my doorstep. They're telling me that I'm going to have to take them down to the foster care center and go through the proper channels if I want to keep them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 86

ChatGPT slop disinformation

By h8chatgpt - 01/06/2026 00:00 - United States

Today, a customer threw a tantrum and we had to get law enforcement involved, all because Chat GPT told them that they could qualify for “free government grants for seniors aged 55+.” I work at Wells Fargo and we don’t have such a program, but according to the customer, “Chat GPT said so.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 445

You deserved it 81

Bio mom situation is insane

By Anonymous - 02/06/2026 20:00 - United States - Perris

Today, my foster son’s adoption is once again being delayed thanks to his crackhead birth mom. Every time she gets a notice that we’re moving forward, she has some rando come forward pretending to be the bio dad, then we have to go through months of court and DNA tests. She’s done this 12 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 471

You deserved it 42

Eavesdropping is never a good idea

By Anonymous - 10/06/2026 03:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a meeting with my daughter's headmistress, which I thought went well, until I was walking to my car past the open staff room window and I heard her say to other teachers, “Jesus, I can see where that brat [my daughter's name] gets her shitty attitude from… and her fat arse.” They all laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 173

You deserved it 360

No can do

By off - 11/06/2026 20:00 - United States - Denver

Today, my parents told me I have a bunch of chores to do today, no excuses. I have severe diarrhea and can’t leave the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 73

What did I do wrong?

By Anonymous - 15/06/2026 09:00 - United States - Augusta

Today, after wishing my closest friend a happy birthday yesterday, he ghosted me without saying anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 303

You deserved it 54

Beyond parody

By Anonymous - 17/06/2026 00:00 - United States

Today, I had the supreme mega ultra final bosses of Karens. I knew I was cooked when they approached my brunch bar. I didn’t ID them because they were all very obviously 35+. They took immense offense to this and demanded to speak to my manager. They told on me for doing my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 370

You deserved it 84

Fake news

By Anonymous - 20/06/2026 15:00 - United Kingdom - Hartlepool

Today, my husband told me that his brother has told him that we slept together years ago. We didn't, it's a lie, and I'm so shocked that at first that I was convinced that this must be some sort of joke that I'm waiting to hear the punch line for. It turns out my husband was completely serious and needless to say we argued about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 365

You deserved it 110

Passionate secret

By Anonymous - 24/06/2026 03:00 - Bangladesh

Today, my boyfriend came to my room and we were kissing. He was being exceptionally aggressive and intense when my brother knocked outside my door, demanding I open it. He had to jump out while I was fumbling to fix my top and cover my marks with my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 122

You deserved it 356

Very brave

By Americas got no talent - 29/06/2026 12:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I gathered the courage to sing karaoke after saying no for years. The lyrics screen froze halfway through the song, and everyone expected me to keep going from memory since I picked it. It turns out I only knew the chorus. I hummed for an entire verse as bemused strangers politely clapped along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 320

You deserved it 92

Hero of the hour

By Anonymous - 06/07/2026 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I stopped a car with its handbrake off from rolling into a group of kids by holding it until it stopped with me half under the tyre, dislocating my knee. Everyone said I was a hero except my dad, who threw an empty can at me because now I can’t push his wheelchair to the working men’s club. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 51

Hang in there

By Anonymous - 10/07/2026 00:00 - Hong Kong - Kowloon

Today, everything is falling apart. I hate my job where I get to pick up the mess of clients who don't think. Insane weather: strong rain all the time, and I have to go outside for work. Also, applying for Master's but no offers yet. I desperately want to switch jobs. I feel so alone in this. Health is fucked up. Skipped periods for 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341

You deserved it 79

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The Top

Today, feeling magnanimous, I decided to help a frail-looking old lady across a busy street. She managed to "accidentally" hit me in the balls with her cane no fewer than three times before we reached the other side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 096

You deserved it 4 434

Today, I was watching a movie with my family in which a character said "Fuck you, dad." My dad then slapped me over the head to get my attention and said, "Never talk to your father like that." Okay, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 058

You deserved it 4 487

Today, after shopping alone at a grocery store, I was taking my groceries back to my car when a kid grabbed one of my bags and ran. Deciding not to risk leaving the rest of my groceries stranded, I didn't chase him. Later, I realized that was the bag my credit card was in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 741

You deserved it 17 365

Today, my girlfriend called me and asked me if I wanted to have phone sex with her. We got into it. It took us 13 minutes to figure out my mom had been on the other line the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 034

You deserved it 14 962

Today, I realized that it wasn't my science partner that smelled bad, it was me. How? The guy I have a crush on handed me a stick of deodorant and said, "Please use it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 870

You deserved it 37 099

Today, my wife hates being a mom so much that our daughter is practically being raised by her grandparents, due to how often she just drops her at their house, multiple times a week. I of course pick her straight up as soon as I finish work, but it’s her bedtime only an hour later. This is not good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 919

You deserved it 200