NSFW

Burn unit

By Anonymous - 28/01/2019 18:00 - United States - Arcade

Spicy

Today, I woke up with a horrible UTI after having sex with my fiance the night before. I went to an urgent care to get antibiotics as my primary was closed. Turns out, I'm allergic to condom lubricant. Now every time I pee, it not only burns, but smells like a nasty condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 533

You deserved it 223

Misguided

By baller - 08/06/2009 10:39 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I was at a 21st birthday party. It got to the bit where they bring out the cake, and the birthday girl hosting blew out her candles. While she was blowing, I whispered to the fella next to me, "That's not the only thing she'll be blowing tonight." The guy next to me was her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 010

You deserved it 93 028

By Anonymous - 04/09/2011 16:21 - United States

Spicy

Today, I finally got intimate with the girl I like. As I started lifting her shirt, she stuck her hand down my pants and grabbed my junk. She immediately stopped what she was doing, snickered, and calmly said, "Take me home." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 359

You deserved it 6 403

Reveal

By everyoneheard - 28/03/2013 15:11 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, I was eating out with a group of friends and my boyfriend. During the meal, I accidentally took a sip from my male friend's glass. My boyfriend pointed and said, "Babe, you took his drink." My friend responded by putting his arm round me and saying, "Whatever, I took her virginity." FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 189

You deserved it 18 279

Bad trip

By MoneyMike - 12/03/2009 00:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I fell asleep in the car on a 10+ hour trip with my family as soon as we got on the highway. When I woke up an hour later, I realized I'd had a wet dream. I had to sit next to my grandma with semen all over my thighs and boxers for the rest of the trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 252

You deserved it 11 931

Just perfect

By Lilly - 17/07/2024 14:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, my coworker and I got caught having sex in the break-room. It was 6 p.m. and there was only him and me from our department in the office. Apparently, this bitch from another department in another fucking building decided it was the perfect time to make microwave popcorn, and our break-room was the perfect place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 168

You deserved it 1 076

Dr. Dick

By Peter - 11/05/2019 14:00

Spicy

Today, I discovered that my girlfriend has been lying to me about having a long-term illness requiring multiple trips to the doctor's. She isn't ill, she was cheating on me with the local GP. So I’ve literally driven her to the clinic and then sat in the waiting room while she screwed the doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 359

You deserved it 352

Anger management classes going well?

By Fuckrs - 15/05/2026 15:00 - United States - Secaucus

Today, not only did my deadbeat brother mooch off me for six months, wreck my car, and screw my wife, he just successfully sued me for the medical bills he incurred when I caught them and beat him within an inch of his life. Twelve fucking grand in debt. I should have just stabbed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 554

You deserved it 154

So, it is not immoral ?

By Anonymous - 17/11/2019 01:00 - United States - Chicago

Spicy

Today, my parents were arguing about their relationship. My mom, who is very Christian, yelled at my dad for watching porn. My dad responded, "Of course I watch porn, I've told you! I've shown you!" He's also the one who stressed to me at a very young age that porn is immoral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 981

You deserved it 192

Wrong door

By apavies444 - 28/11/2010 07:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, while sleeping over at my girlfriend's house for the first time, I got up to go to the bathroom. I went to go back and once in the room asked, "You ready for round two baby?" The light came on and at this moment I realized I went into her parents' bedroom by mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 185

You deserved it 45 218

Giggley McGiggle

By not sexy! - 01/01/2023 12:00

Spicy

Today, my husband decided to surprise me with some "sexy" manscaping. When he took his clothes off, I immediately got drier than the Sahara desert. He was going for "porn star" but instead looked like a prepubescent kid, which immediately turned me off. He then got mad at me for “ruining the mood.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 997

You deserved it 442

Are you the one?

By Anonymous - 14/09/2026 12:00 - Sweden - Stockholm

Spicy

Today, I'm casually dating on the apps. Took home yesterday's date and believed she was casual too. In the morning she tells me she wants to be exclusive and has her future planned out with me. This is the fifth time in a row this has happened. Guess I shouldn't take anyone home unless I'm ready to be her life partner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 243

Is this a joke to you?

By smiletellsall - 06/08/2009 23:41 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boss called me into his office. He had a huge smile on his face, so I assumed I was going to get promoted. He then sat down, and told me that he had been sleeping with my wife for the last three months. He still had a huge smile on his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 437

You deserved it 3 143

Traitor

By Emily - 03/08/2010 23:54 - United States

Spicy

Today, my best friend, who I've known since high schoo, is getting married. I'm supposed to give a toast during the reception about how great the bride and groom are. I've been sleeping with the groom for the past seven months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 313

You deserved it 149 887

By Malarky - 23/06/2016 19:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had a cute girl over and we cuddled on my bed. Later she texted me that she had decided that she didn't want to ever do that again because it turned her on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 280

You deserved it 1 246

Moments of wonder

By secret123 - 24/02/2009 11:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, me and my girlfriend were watching some show about sex on the discovery channel. The topic of female orgasms came up and she said, "Wow, I wonder what that's like?" We've been dating and sexually active for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 264

You deserved it 19 211

Please, no more!

By Cyberella - 17/07/2009 05:36 - Australia

Spicy

Today, at my sister's engagement party, my cousins thought it would be funny to get my nanna drunk. They regretted it when she told them, and everyone else at the party about her sex life and how she fakes orgasms with my grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 333

You deserved it 9 668

Lights out

By AVeryConfusedGuy - 11/05/2017 22:00

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with a girl and she passed out about a minute in. I panicked and thought she'd died so I tried to feel for a heartbeat. She woke up 45 seconds later and accused me of fondling her breasts while she was out. Apparently she has narcolepsy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 873

You deserved it 625

Terminating

By Tee - 11/12/2009 09:26 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were laying in his bed. I was watching the Terminator on T.V. A commercial came on in the middle of the movie. We just started having sex when the movie came back on he said "I'll be back." in the Arnold Schwartzenegger accent and rolled over to watch the movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 891

You deserved it 4 634

Conspiratorial under the sheets

By Anonymous - 29/11/2022 22:00

Spicy

Today, I hooked up with a man for the first time since my divorce. The sex was mind-blowing. His pillow talk then began with something like, “A cabal of Hollywood celebrities and political insiders want to rape your children…” I’m so dry now, I think I hit menopause. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 929

You deserved it 402

Kittenblocked

By Anonymous - 04/03/2022 22:00

Spicy

Today, my husband has shown more love and affection to our new kitten in the last week than he has to me. That cat sits on his lap more than I do. I’m a 26 year-old woman, I have needs, dammit. The cat is literally sitting on and blocking access to what I want most on a Friday night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 035

You deserved it 515

Scared flaccid

By Anonymous - 01/04/2026 20:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend met my dad and my brother, and is now shit scared of them. I was hoping to lose my virginity to him this weekend but he’s so scared of what my dad would do if he ever found out that he couldn’t get hard no matter what I did. Thanks a lot dad, you bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 384

You deserved it 159

What about me?

By crushed - 23/05/2020 02:00

Spicy

Today, my wife told me about an old boyfriend she had. She told me that they used to fool around, and that she’d give him blow jobs all the time. I never get any action like that from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 812

You deserved it 277

Nosy

By QUIT MY JOB - 19/09/2026 22:00 - Bahamas - Nassau

Today, my boss was standing behind me, looking at my phone. Why was I writing smut? Did he see? How much did he see? Is he a fan? Why was he even there? I hate it here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 441

Twit to who

By Hooty - 02/09/2015 21:52 - United States - Groveton

Spicy

Today, I had yet another debilitating migraine that kept me awake. In the middle of the night, I heard an owl hooting. Thinking it was cool, I moved closer to the open window to hear better. After a few minutes, I realized it was actually my new neighbor having loud sex. My aunt moved in next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 518

You deserved it 2 350

ED FML

By Anonymous - 22/04/2011 02:55 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I had to console my drunk dad over his girlfriend breaking up with him. When he said, "You know why we broke up don't you?" I replied, "Yeah, you were fighting a lot, right?" Wrong. I then had to explain to him that his erectile dysfunction wasn't something to be embarrassed about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 408

You deserved it 3 524

Deflated

By Sexless4Life - 05/08/2013 18:33 - United States - Cincinnati

Spicy

Today, I realized that it's been well over a month since my boyfriend has even tried to have sex with me. The last time was our first time, and because he couldn't keep it up, he's too humiliated to accept any of my advances. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 998

You deserved it 6 961

By Anonymous - 01/07/2012 04:22

Spicy

Today, I went to the beach with my boyfriend and family. My sister coyly pointed out the scratch marks down his back, hoping to embarrass me in front of my parents. The marks weren't from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 228

You deserved it 2 382

Bang bang bank

By Freerickson - 12/04/2026 12:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, I learned that you should never take a girl you meet at the club home, even if she looks like she wouldn’t hurt a fly. We had the most amazing sex ever and I guess the edibles we had threw me off-guard. I woke up to find her gone and my house cleaned out. I didn’t even get her name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 175

You deserved it 437

Panic!

By some_girl_19 - 05/08/2009 13:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was in the middle of an intense orgasm when we heard the panicky voice of his little sister saying there was an emergency downstairs. He jumped up and left to see what the matter was. The big emergency? The Wii remotes had dead batteries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 275

You deserved it 9 467

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Keywords

Job interview Work NSFW Awkward Sex Intimacy Miscellaneous Relatable Health Weird Grandparents Kids Food Shopping Parents Delivery Weddings Friends Love Clothes Mysterious Laundry Transportation Embarrassing Annoying Dentist Dogs Mental health Cats Neighbours

The Top

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 267 651

You deserved it 90 962

Today, at work, a customer threatened to punch me in the face because the store I work at doesn't have shopping baskets, only carts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 020

You deserved it 2 431

Random

Today, I walked in on my 12-year-old sister, naked, streaming herself eating a banana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 437

You deserved it 1 420

Today, after volleyball practice, I noticed my pants were missing. Now I have to go to work wearing spandex bottoms, all because one of my teammates is a thieving douche. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 434

You deserved it 2 209

Today, after spending the night at my boyfriend's house, I was heading out the door when he called me back to hand me something I had left at his house a while ago. It was one of my bras. It wasn't until I got home I noticed the cup size was a B. I'm a size D. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 486

You deserved it 3 762

Today, I asked my husband what he wanted for his birthday, hinting that he could have anything sexual, and he asked me to… take the kids and visit my mother over the weekend, so he could have 48 hours totally alone, naked, drinking beer, and playing his Xbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 252

You deserved it 1 045

Today, I got a call from a former client. After migrating his firm to cloud-based apps a few months back, he decided I was too expensive, and he'd manage things himself. He called today with "a couple of quick questions." Question 1: How does he log in to make changes? FML

I agree, your life sucks 861

You deserved it 113

Today, a customer greeted me with, "So! When's the baby coming!?" I'm NOT pregnant. I just gain weight in my guts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 194