NSFW

Just stop

By Nightshade823 - 10/11/2016 19:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, I finally lost my virginity. I also found out the side effects of my antidepressants: It's hard for me to get it up, and I can't orgasm. When I finally got it up, I went so long, it ended with her saying, "Yeah, you should stop now, I'm numb." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 376

You deserved it 1 127

By ArsonistsLullaby - 21/09/2016 21:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. When he slid his penis in, he felt my NuvaRing, and with the most excitement I've ever seen a man muster, said, "Oh my god! You have your clit pierced! I can't believe I actually get to have sex with a girl who has her clit pierced!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 895

You deserved it 1 770

Framed

By Anonymous - 17/08/2016 15:18 - Australia - Adelaide

Spicy

Today, my brother showed my wife a Craigslist ad by someone seeking casual sex. It had very specific details that made it seem like I wrote it. My brother later admitted in private that he made the post as revenge for me not loaning him $500 last month. Meanwhile, my wife still thinks I'm unfaithful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 755

You deserved it 1 172

By i fuckin love habaneros - 22/07/2016 19:19 - United States - Charlottesville

Spicy

Today, I'm so deprived of female attention that I got a hard-on when a nurse told me I have beautiful veins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 880

You deserved it 2 406

By not even - 21/07/2016 11:20 - United States - Troy

Spicy

Today, my pregnant wife suggested we have fun tonight since we haven't had sex in three months. She also said we'll be having waffles and sausage. I'm actually more excited about the food than the sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 677

You deserved it 2 784

By Malarky - 23/06/2016 19:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had a cute girl over and we cuddled on my bed. Later she texted me that she had decided that she didn't want to ever do that again because it turned her on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 280

You deserved it 1 246

Keep it down

By Char-azard - 17/05/2016 09:03 - New Zealand - Napier

Spicy

Today, my father bought a pair of fancy noise cancelling headphones. He doesn't realise that the noise cancelling function only slightly muffles the moaning and screaming in the porn he's watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 413

You deserved it 1 768

Sharing is caring

By motherfucked - 15/01/2016 17:07 - United States - Baltimore

Spicy

Today, I tried to send my friend a link to a really weird porno. Unfortunately, Google Hangouts popped up with a message from my mom. I didn't realize the keyboard focus had switched until I hit Ctrl+V and Enter real quick. Now I'm grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 714

You deserved it 21 231

LOL whatever

By Anonymous - 02/10/2015 10:22 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my little sister thought it would be funny to send my girlfriend a text saying I cheated on her and wanted to break up. Her response was, "lol whatever I've been fucking Steve for like a month anyway." Steve is my brother, and he won't admit or deny it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 904

You deserved it 2 165

Dude, WTF is this?

By Anonymous - 28/09/2015 20:33 - United States - Las Vegas

Spicy

Today, after saying I'd edit and revise a coworker's report so he could go home and spend his anniversary with his wife, he sent me a file. Upon opening it, it was pictures of men wearing strange fetish gear while being dominated. He has yet to send me the correct file and I'm scared to ask. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 026

You deserved it 2 025

Twit to who

By Hooty - 02/09/2015 21:52 - United States - Groveton

Spicy

Today, I had yet another debilitating migraine that kept me awake. In the middle of the night, I heard an owl hooting. Thinking it was cool, I moved closer to the open window to hear better. After a few minutes, I realized it was actually my new neighbor having loud sex. My aunt moved in next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 518

You deserved it 2 350

Noob

By facepalming all the way - 19/07/2015 06:02 - United States - Colorado Springs

Spicy

Today, I had to explain to my incredibly sheltered 15-year-old brother that no, you don't wear condoms on your balls, and that they don't work by squeezing your balls so the sperm are blocked from coming out when you ejaculate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 795

You deserved it 2 361

Stud

By Anonymous - 02/05/2015 02:22 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered, "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 103

You deserved it 4 151

Gotcha

By Anonymous - 10/03/2015 23:15 - United States - Angleton

Spicy

Today, I jokingly sent my girlfriend a link to an article about giving better head. She didn't think it was funny, and has since sent me numerous articles about the female orgasm, and I just got a link to the Wikipedia article about the clitoris. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 648

You deserved it 57 897

By grossedout - 01/02/2015 23:10 - United States - Newport News

Spicy

Today, I witnessed a man masturbate into a public urinal, miss, fart, and then leave without washing his hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 323

You deserved it 2 761

Pure animal magnetism

By Anonymous - 29/01/2015 21:17 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, I had a one-night stand. After holding in my farts all night, as you should, I decided enough was enough and tried to calmly let one slip out. One did not calmly slip out; instead I shat myself in her bed. I was naked at the time, so was unable to hide it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 210

You deserved it 16 926

Nice guy

By Twysted91 - 28/12/2014 03:50 - United States - Milford

Spicy

Today, I was rushed to the emergency room in crippling pain, thanks to a very dangerous cluster of cysts on my ovaries that could rupture at any time. My boyfriend took this news as my way of denying him sex and broke up with me for "going to obscene lengths" to emasculate him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 100

You deserved it 3 214

The incident

By Anonymous - 18/12/2014 22:45 - United States - Traverse City

Spicy

Today, I found out my girlfriend and all of our friends have begun referring to the time I was meant to lose my virginity, but couldn't get hard, as "The Cheese Stick Incident." They all think it's hilarious, and the worst part is that it's actually a pretty appropriate description. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 423

You deserved it 4 961

By soisblueballsdickhead - 26/10/2014 14:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 103

You deserved it 9 729

Kinda sus

By Anonymous - 25/10/2014 21:31 - United Kingdom - Watford

Spicy

Today, let's just say it's not always a good idea to storm into your mum's bedroom after hearing several loud slaps accompanied by yelps. What sounds like domestic violence might just be your mum and step-dad's foreplay. For Christ's sake, I need brain bleach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 367

You deserved it 9 785

The talk

By Anonymous - 22/10/2014 16:09 - Norway - Egersund

Spicy

Today, my 17-year-old son managed to easily convince my 13-year-old daughter that if you have sex before getting married, you'll instantly get horrible diseases that will kill you. Her freaking out is how I found out she's not only gullible as hell, but sexually active as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 347

You deserved it 6 076

Horny

By MotherMary - 12/10/2014 13:21 - United States - Park Hills

Spicy

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of three years, who can't get it up for me and has been blaming blood pressure issues, apparently has no problem getting it up while watching the neighbor undress from our window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 170

You deserved it 5 300

By Anonymous - 24/08/2014 05:51 - United States - Hicksville

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend sent me a bunch of sexy pics and said to come over to her place. I thought she was in the mood for sex. Nope, she just wanted me to come over and hang a shelf, after which she sent me back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 989

You deserved it 7 044

By Anonymous - 08/08/2014 21:05 - Israel

Spicy

Today, I finally felt ready for intimacy with my boyfriend, and I sent him a sexy picture of myself topless. He texted back, "Ewwwww." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 951

You deserved it 8 676

Saucy

By donutsex - 05/08/2014 16:48 - United States - Georgetown

Spicy

Today, since I work at a doughnut shop, I came home smelling like fry oil and had bits of sugar on me. My boyfriend told me he loves having sex with me right after I get off work. He said it's like having sex with a hot doughnut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 299

You deserved it 9 087

Sexy

By Anonymous - 23/05/2014 02:36 - United States - Rockland

Spicy

Today, I accidentally ripped out my boyfriend's insulin pump while trying to give him a lapdance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 693

You deserved it 17 210

Peek a boo

By Anonymous - 08/05/2014 02:31 - United States - Tampa

Spicy

Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 151

You deserved it 16 197

Check this out

By Anonymous - 06/05/2014 23:28 - United States - Elmwood Park

Spicy

Today, my best friend wanted to see what my new boyfriend looks like. By chance, he'd sent me a Snapchat a few minutes before, so I opened it to show her, only to see that it was a dick pic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 585

You deserved it 45 678

Saucy talk

By Anonymous - 14/04/2014 03:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was talking dirty with my husband over the phone while he was out of town. I started to verbally act out his fantasy and got quite into it. I was returned with silence. Embarrassed, I tried to hang up. Turns out the call had already been dropped, five minutes prior. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 039

You deserved it 7 888

Nice try, bucko

By Subliminal message - 19/01/2014 23:21 - Switzerland

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend started whispering "blowjobbbb" into my ear while we were watching a movie. When I asked him what he was doing, he denied ever saying it and claimed it must have been a subliminal message in the movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 786

You deserved it 8 512

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FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I found out that the girl I've been dating online for over three months is actually a very bored 14-year-old boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117 198

You deserved it 294 133

Today, my dog decided to poop while inside a revolving door. Before I could do anything, the door swung around and smeared it everywhere. My dog excels at timing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 167

You deserved it 4 765

Random

Today, after I caught my (now ex) boyfriend cheating. He told me that it isn't my business if he was seeing other woman, because we didn't had an official relationship. We have been living together in a house we bought, for two years now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 681

You deserved it 162

Today, my husband says he wants to file for divorce because he’s tired of me being a “bossy boots.” Apparently, asking him to stop sending a 17 year-old girl dick pics as a “joke” is too much to ask. My tongue is going to fall out from the many times I've had to explain to him why it’s inappropriate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 791

You deserved it 415

Today, my mother and I almost got driven off the highway by an SUV because we couldn't speed more than we were already. She had a major car accident by a drunk driver in the past, and she was inconsolable after this. We weren't able to get their license plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 903

You deserved it 142

Today, I'm recovering from an emergency room visit. I was vomiting, sweating, shaking, crying, and couldn't even speak properly. I was scared of that, and scared of hospitals after a routine surgery nearly killed me two years ago. Most of my family are convinced I was faking all of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 918

You deserved it 148

Today, my ADHD has gotten so bad that I called my son by my brother’s name, bumped heads with my 2 year-old, and just now went to sit back down on the couch next to husband and accidentally elbowed him in the eye so badly that he went to sleep because he was so angry with me. Praying he doesn’t have a black eye tomorrow.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 489

You deserved it 1 052

Today, I made my relationship with my boyfriend official. The guy who I liked, who'd ultimately friendzoned me, leaving me to find someone who would reciprocate my feelings, got irrationally angry at me. Didn’t he tell me just six months ago that we were “just friends”? Yeah, I'm confused too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 551

You deserved it 135