The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By Anonymous - 30/05/2012 05:25 - United States - Astoria

Today, my fiancé and I broke up, and he won't answer my calls or texts. I don't want him back; he has my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 234

You deserved it 3 503

By go fish - 08/07/2019 06:00

Today, my boyfriend gently pointed out that when we hug, it's our stomachs that touch first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 525

You deserved it 420

By Anonymous - 04/07/2014 19:04 - Netherlands

Today, on my first day as a lifeguard, a man had a heart attack in the pool. I jumped in, pulled him out, and even went to the hospital with him. He seemed genuinely offended, saying "You should've let me die." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 993

You deserved it 3 444

By PissNTra - 19/07/2011 17:11 - United States

Today, I went over to my girlfriend's house to meet her entire family for the first time. Trying not to be rude, I ate their 12-bean and chorizo soup. Now I'm stuck in the bathroom trying to unclog the toilet with no plunger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 932

You deserved it 5 282

No way

By Anonymous - 01/05/2013 18:41 - United States - Downey

Today, my bathroom flooded. I frantically cleaned my apartment as fast as I could before the plumber arrived. Everything was finally clean when I let him in. It wasn't until after he finished that I noticed I'd left my anal beads in the shower. There's no way he didn't notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 882

You deserved it 58 918

By keenan - 19/09/2010 23:55 - United States

Today, I had to use my driver's license to convince the security guard at a game room that I was a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 051

You deserved it 5 202

By Username - 13/09/2010 01:38 - France

Today, I told my 3 year old daughter to behave or I'd spank her. She looked right at me and said "Bring it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 393

You deserved it 31 437

Requirements

By Anonymous - 06/08/2019 06:02

Today, I wasn't allowed to fly. Again. Yesterday my flight was overbooked. Today I didn't have the yellow fever vaccine. Not once was this requirement mentioned. Nobody would believe me. Luckily, it turned out that this requirement did not apply to me. They realised this after the plane left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 049

You deserved it 133

By Anonymous - 08/05/2012 11:35 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he would still love me if I became a vegetable. His response: "Well, the sex wouldn't be any different." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 801

You deserved it 35 194

By Flora - 17/04/2013 22:56 - United States - Watsonville

Today, I got ancestry DNA tests for my parents and myself. The DNA testing company informed me that I'm a 50% match for my mother but I share no DNA with my father. Apparently, both my parents forgot that they used a sperm donor. This insignificant detail has slipped their minds for 35 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 707

You deserved it 3 306

Harmonic dissonance

By Anonymous - 05/05/2012 16:28 - United States - Belleville

Today, I came home from the minimum-wage job I suffer through to support my now ex-boyfriend's ailing music career. It seems his time management skills suck almost as badly as his music, because I found him in my bedroom, licking whipped cream off my step-sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 918

You deserved it 4 578

By urgg - 05/09/2010 14:20 - United States

Today, I woke up from a dream in which I had a penis. Apparently I talk in my sleep, because my boyfriend kept staring at my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 942

You deserved it 5 026

Hand shandy

By cdoyle - 08/04/2009 12:32 - Canada

Today, I went to dinner with my boyfriend. After we'd ordered, I started to unzip his fly really slowly. As I put my hand into his boxers, he stood up to greet his mom and dad who were joining us for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 530

You deserved it 110 771

By CathyMary - 20/08/2019 22:00 - United States - New York

Today, my date asked me if I enjoyed golden showers. We were in the middle of making out, and it was our first date, which I thought was going well. I guess when things seem too good to be true, they really are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 147

You deserved it 261

By Anonymous - 28/08/2019 06:02 - United Kingdom - Blackpool

Today, my legs were really sore from working out yesterday, so it hurt going down the stairs at work. To avoid the pain, l ignored how stupid I looked and limped down the staircase. When I finally got to the bottom, I hopped off the last step. And twisted my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 370

You deserved it 610

Rules are meant to be broken

By hospitalflunky - 28/03/2009 06:35 - United States

Today, I got an email from a professor saying he was going to fail me for missing the allotted absences, which is school policy. I pointed out I was in the hospital for two weeks with a life threatening illness and that he even came to visit me. He told me, "Rules are rules." FML

I agree, your life sucks 155 310

You deserved it 7 395

How very dare you?

By Anonymous - 04/05/2021 02:01

Today, I caught my wife trying to give herself oral sex. It was sexy and also kinda funny, so I offered to do it to her properly. She got explosively mad for some reason and actually threw me out. I’m writing this from my brother's spare room, wondering where I went wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 864

You deserved it 375

By Alex - 26/03/2009 04:42 - United States

Today, I realized my friends and I should be more careful what we say around my younger brother. I never thought he was paying attention until today. My stepmom told him it was time to go to bed. He responded, "I think it's time for you to suck one." My brother is 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 203

You deserved it 76 894

By anonymous - 08/06/2011 06:55 - United States

Today, my husband and I got married. The only thing that is different so far is that he now thinks that it's okay to shit with the door open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 024

You deserved it 8 742

About last night…

By missalexa - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, upon getting out of the shower, I discovered the towel I grabbed off the rack had dried poop on it. Apparently, during my sister's birthday party yesterday, we'd run out of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 151

You deserved it 4 164

Well Well Well

By no good deed... etc - 16/10/2017 04:30

Today, I tried to surprise my mom and wash her car while she was away. Today, I also found out how gross our well water is. The car looks worse than before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 955

You deserved it 413

Just a prank, bro

By Anonymous - 14/05/2021 22:03

Today, I had a job interview. I was feeling upbeat and confident I was gonna get the position, until I saw that my main qualification on my resume was being a "real n**ga" and "getting bitches and hoes 24/7." My brother had changed it as a prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 306

You deserved it 257

Checked out

By Anonymous - 27/09/2019 12:00 - Canada

Today, I went to Walmart to purchase a pregnancy test. I chose my checkout line carefully, to make sure I didn't see anyone I knew. After choosing one, I realized it was 4 o'clock on the dot. Shift change. My mom's best friend took over the shift just as I reached the checkout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 748

You deserved it 439

By minecraftwilldie - 02/06/2011 16:52 - United States

Today, I gave my husband an ultimatum: either he could have sex with me or play Minecraft. Needless to say, he spent the rest of the evening playing Minecraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 253

You deserved it 14 781

By skywayavenue - 19/03/2009 05:09 - Canada

Today, I went to my friend's house. While she went to the kitchen, I noticed a little pink pastry on her desk. It looked really good, so I decided to take a bite before she got back. As I bit into it, a sizzling noise started, and foam overflowed in my mouth. It was a bath bomb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 201

You deserved it 99 727

Telenovela FML

By Anonymous - 22/05/2021 04:02

Today, my sister announced she’s pregnant with my husband’s baby. The worst part? It was a plot for revenge against me. She lied about being on birth control to baby trap him. The crime? Me beating her at our high school beauty pageant. Ten years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 444

You deserved it 213

White collar crime

By potting shed woman - 27/05/2021 04:01

Today, after I told my boss I'd found a serious error that cost the company thousands each year, I found out he'd fled abroad. Turns out the error was him stealing for the past 40 years, our entire department is under investigation and the owner is considering scrapping our office and firing us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 594

You deserved it 90

By mrricecakes - 23/03/2012 05:55 - United States - Gilbert

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. Let's just say pubes and toilet paper residue were the least of my problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 454

You deserved it 5 243

Alexa, play "Guess I'm Dumb" by Glen Campbell

By nasuma - 11/10/2019 20:00

Today, I took a legitimate IQ test and got a score of 80. My parents both have IQ scores above Einstein’s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 489

You deserved it 306

Dear Leader

By IHateThisFamily - 04/08/2022 06:00

Today, my Trump-loving sister named her newborn daughter Maga. She’s dead serious. It’s on the hospital papers. And she has the audacity to say she’s “not in a cult.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003

You deserved it 331

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Health Airplanes Awkward Transportation Grandparents Miscellaneous Smartphone Photography Annoying Relatable Embarrassing Job interview Work Love Proposal My ex Social Media Weird Introverts Mental health Parents Dogs Animals Family Kids Make up Money Racism beach Pranks

The Top

Today, my dad got so drunk that I had to drive him home. He kept yelling at me to not speed, saying I was going too fast and that there were too many bumps on the road. I hadn't even started the car yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 834

You deserved it 2 177

Today, after coming home from school, I found that two birds had made a nest above the porch light. This wouldn't be a problem if they stopped attacking me every time I get within 5 feet of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 788

You deserved it 3 547

Today, I checked the app I had used during the night. It's supposed to record you while you sleep if you make any noise, and I had downloaded because my friends say I snore. The only noise it picked up was my parents having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 373

You deserved it 3 802

Today, I took my sister to the airport, after she asked me to a week ago. Five minutes into the ride, she told me she wasn’t going to the one 20 minutes away, but the one an hour away instead and gave me no gas money. FM

I agree, your life sucks 928

You deserved it 179

Today, after my father in law upset my 6-year-old son by telling him creating a world in Minecraft is a sin, because only god is allowed to create worlds so all Minecraft players will burn in hell one day, it's been 5 days since he's slept right because he’s scared the Devil will burn him if he falls asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 632

You deserved it 125

Today, I went out to my first Halloween event in 5 years, only to find out my boyfriend just saw it as an obstacle to playing Pokemon Go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 660

You deserved it 178