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By MorlockWarlock - 19/02/2016 17:16 - United States - Chesterton

Today, I was let go from my dream job. My manager said he couldn't keep me busy all day, and so he didn't need me. He still has a "Help Wanted" sign up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 433

You deserved it 1 539

MorlockWarlock tells us more.

MorlockWarlock 12

Saturday 20 February 2016 16:34

Hey OP here. Thanks for all the supportive and helpful comments. To answer any questions though, I do live in Indiana which is a right to work state so I'm not going to get anywhere with that. My ex manager had just hired in to the company about 2 weeks before. I definitely got the feeling that he didn't like me much so it was probably a personal vendetta for him. It's not like I was working to fast either. I was working for a Ford dealership as a line mechanic. I was on company book time. I'm not worried about it now though. It was probably for the best. Thank again though

By Angela17 - 24/10/2018 05:00

Today, it's 3:42 a.m. and my son is crying because I won't let him play with his dirty diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 971

You deserved it 332

The X Factor

By Tajjali Fatima - 13/09/2020 22:58

Today, I was singing in a terrible voice on purpose during a Zoom call from school, thinking I was on mute. I carried on, until a message saying, "The host has muted you" appeared on my screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 1 784

By boredtothemax - 17/02/2016 19:17 - United States - Hammond

Today, I gave a talk in my management class about creating effective presentations and holding people's attention. Go figure, pretty much nobody paid any attention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 198

You deserved it 3 354

Co-parenting

By not helping - 18/09/2020 02:02 - United States

Today, I confiscated my daughter’s tablet, phone and laptop after I caught her exchanging nudes with boys. My ex then called me in a rage, threatening to take me to court over “stealing his belongings” since he purchased them. No concern for our daughter’s behavior, just him wanting the stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 423

You deserved it 175

Just a dream

By Anonymous - 06/02/2020 01:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, at midnight, I heard my son calling for his mom. I stopped by his room and asked him what was wrong? He didn't tell me. Instead, he said: "Oh, I don't need you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 917

You deserved it 227

Misunderstanding

By lebanesewoman - 30/06/2009 16:17 - Hong Kong

Today, I went to my 7 year old son's school for a conference with his teacher. When I got there, the teacher said "she adored me for who and what I am". I was puzzled. Turns out my son told his class that I am a "lesbian American." Wrong. I'm Lebanese-American. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 036

You deserved it 3 948

By Rachel - 12/02/2016 06:26 - United States - Burton

Today, I found out that every time my boyfriend has cutely joked about my clothes not matching while we're just lounging around the house, he's really been hoping I would catch on that he thinks I look like a slob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 093

You deserved it 3 772

By lifesucks0925 - 06/09/2013 07:01 - United States - Vallejo

Today, I had to clean human excrement at work when the fitting room turned into the shitting room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 806

You deserved it 2 819

By wdavi022 - 05/01/2011 09:01

Today, I found out my identity was stolen. The person got credit cards in my name and didn't pay the bills, which has ruined my near perfect credit. The worst part about all of this is that I can't turn the person in. It's my mom, and sending her to jail wouldn't really work out for anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 506

You deserved it 5 454

By HOe HOe HOe - 02/11/2011 02:36 - United States

Today, I was trying to get my boyfriend in the mood so I held his hands against the bed, and whispered, "Have you been a bad boy?" Thinking he'd say something kinky back, he replied "Yes Santa" then burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 114

You deserved it 16 288

By BetrayedGirl - 13/01/2010 12:40 - United States

Today, my friend told me men can't be trusted. I told her that wasn't true; I have my husband's password to his email but I never check it because I trust him. She bet me he was doing something bad, and to prove her wrong I looked. Turns out he has been cheating on me for 8 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 957

You deserved it 5 521

By James - 08/02/2016 22:55 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, the power in my village went out. This caused the back-up battery powered alarm to go off. Nobody in the house even knew our alarm worked, let alone how to make it stop. It's been going off for over an hour now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 405

You deserved it 1 787

By silkysmooth - 31/10/2011 23:29 - United States

Today, I was almost out of conditioner, despite having just bought some. Apparently, my boyfriend has been using it to condition his pubes. He thinks doing this will make me want to give him more blowjobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 956

You deserved it 5 504

By Extravirgin - 16/12/2014 12:01 - Germany - Munich

Today, I blew my load in less than a minute. I wasn't having sex or even making out. I was spooning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 760

You deserved it 8 307

Road rage

By Hayley - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I sneezed with so much force while I was driving that I whacked my head on the steering wheel and honked the horn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 061

You deserved it 4 664

By Anonymous - 30/08/2013 00:48 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother yet again went on a long rant about how much of a loser I am as I have "never had boyfriend" and I'm 26. Truth is, I've been in the same relationship for over five years but it "doesn't count because he's black." FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 872

You deserved it 7 343

By gingerlover01 - 30/01/2016 15:57 - United States

Today, when I went to see my therapist, she handed me a tube of tooth paste and said, "Please use it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 201

You deserved it 9 024

gingerlover01 tells us more.

gingerlover01 24

Sunday 31 January 2016 19:10

I love how politely that was put but I do brush my teeth I just drink to much coffee and tea apparently

By Anonymous - 25/12/2010 23:21 - United States

Today, I rented a copy How To Train Your Dragon for my young son to watch. I put the DVD in, hit play without paying attention, and went off to make lunch. A few minutes later, my son ran into the kitchen screaming. Apparently, there was a mix up at the rental store and I got a copy of Saw IV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 533

You deserved it 11 875

By thanks mom ¬_¬ - 24/08/2013 22:05 - United States - Carlsbad

Today, my mom visited my new apartment for the first time. I was showing her the bedroom, when she looked into my opened sock drawer and said, "Using Durex, eh? Yeah, you were born 'cause a Trojan split." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 733

You deserved it 4 749

By StupidBerk - 17/09/2012 23:25 - United Kingdom

Today, my nitwit son infected our family computer with some sort of mad bastard virus after getting fooled by the promise of some non-existent Hannah Montana nudes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 634

You deserved it 3 168

Stop talking!

By notsoclean - 24/12/2010 21:14 - United States

Today, I was at the dentist's, getting my teeth cleaned. He thought it would be funny to suddenly go on in detail about the fantastic sex he and his wife had the night before. I was unable to speak the entire time. The dentist is my grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 531

You deserved it 3 704

Let down

By anonymous - 21/06/2009 02:00 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend's virginity. A few minutes in she remarked, "If this is what sex is normally like then I'm seriously disappointed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 272

You deserved it 17 293

By Anonymous - 24/11/2018 17:30

Today, I came home from a long business trip. I walked in the front door to see my house was a complete mess. The first thing my son said was, "Did you bring pizza?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 855

You deserved it 366

By Dramori - 27/11/2014 16:30

Today, I realised I was far too attached to my duvet. Literally. I just got a large tattoo on my back, and my duvet somehow stuck to my skin during the night and formed part of the scab. I now have the joy of deciding whether to tear it off fast or peel it away slowly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 477

You deserved it 6 607

Dramori tells us more.

Dramori 29

Sunday 30 November 2014 5:10

OP here! Thanks for the funny comments! This actually happened a couple of years ago - it was my first tatt and was only told to rub it regularly with savlon until it healed, and to sleep on my stomach. I ended up jumping in the shower and soaked the duvet to peel off slowly. As seen from my profile pic it wasn't damaged in the end and turned out pretty damn sweet!

By kenbez123 - 14/08/2013 07:55 - Malta - Santa Venera

Today, I found my elderly neighbour on all fours in my garden eating my flowers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 612

You deserved it 3 500

kenbez123 tells us more.

kenbez123 10

Wednesday 14 August 2013 23:10

The neighbour in question was male. No he was not naked (thank god). When he noticed me he just ran off back to his house.

By SparkOfJade - 13/08/2013 04:07 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, my superior gave me a box of ethernet cables which were previously attached to mainframes storing classified data. He requested I cut them in half so that the residual data would leak out. Not only does this guy make twice my salary, there was no convincing him otherwise. We cut them up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 133

You deserved it 3 000

SparkOfJade tells us more.

SparkOfJade 18

Wednesday 14 August 2013 5:37

First thing first: I'm a girl. I have an engineering degree from one of the top universities in my field, and hold all the necessary certifications and then some. I do have a military background, but I am not in the military any longer, and I now have a full-time job at one of the top IT firms in the country. I'm a consultant, meaning I contract out to our company's clients. The "superior" in question was a higher up on the client side which is why he makes so much more than I do. He's been there at least 10 years. I'm on year 2 with my company. As anyone who's been a contractor will tell you, you can only explain to a client that they are being insane for so long until you do what they ask because they are paying the bills and "the customer is always right" *sigh* I obviously can not tell you which client it was. I'm really enjoying the witty responses, and even the not so witty ones (I did use the proper form of "there," you imbecile.)