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Thanks, asshole

By God dammit - 06/12/2025 20:00

Today, the new guy at my workplace was on his phone so much that he has become solely responsible for a new rule: no one is allowed to have their phone on their person, except on breaks. So, I guess that if my severely disabled mom ever has an emergency at home, she'll have to fend for herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 75

I hate my life

By Anonymous - 08/12/2025 15:00

Today, during a presentation, I gestured too dramatically and launched my pen across the room. It bounced off the projector screen, hit my boss’s coffee cup, and splattered it across the conference table. Everyone froze while I jokingly apologized to the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 172

You deserved it 273

Go go dancer

By Anonymous - 12/12/2025 03:00

Today, I was dancing in a club when some manager told me to stop messing around and get back on stage or I’m not getting paid. I think he thought I worked for him. I was in jeans and a glittery vest, all the dancers were in booty shorts and bikini tops. What the hell, my guy? FML

I agree, your life sucks 321

You deserved it 75

Yada yada yada

By Anonymous - 13/12/2025 22:00

Today, I tried to look productive in a meeting by nodding along, only to realize too late that I was actually nodding off. When my head dropped forward, it made a loud thud on my desk, and everyone stopped talking at once. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 378

Nice to see so much of you

By Anonymous - 20/12/2025 22:00

Today, I had to prepare a good setup to video chat with my friend in Hong Kong. I was so focused on the right lighting and angle, I didn't pay attention to what was in the background… Until my friend started giggling because she saw my tighty whitey-clad ass in the reflection of the mirror behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 468

Out of service

By Anonymous - 14/01/2026 20:00

Today, after I injured my left wrist from holding my nephew the wrong way for too many hours on New Year's, and found out that it would optimistically take 4-6 weeks to heal, this morning I managed to give myself second degree burns on my right hand from handling a tray I didn't know was hot. So that's three weeks with no hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 291

You deserved it 149

New avenue

By Pride lost - 20/01/2026 03:00

Today, my girlfriend and I went out with one of her guy friends. After two bars, we ended up back at her place and somehow the three of us ended up in bed. I was a Gold Star Lesbian and now I'm just a slutty bi girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 399

Playing favorites

By So sick of disrespect - 21/01/2026 22:00

Today, I was making dinner for my family while my wife was at work. She walked in the door with McDonald's, even though she knew I was cooking. Then our kids saw and started screaming that they wanted McDonald's too and that it was unfair. I've told her not to pull this shit and she won't listen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 621

You deserved it 72

Not my problem

By I cleaned it...slowly... - 27/01/2026 03:00

Today, someone (we don't know who) put a very massive and noticeable graffiti "mural" in the bathroom at my workplace. Guess who's job it was to clean it? If you said me, you'd be wrong. However, the guy whose job it was got distracted and didn't do it, so it became my job after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 348

You deserved it 84

LANGUAGE, SON!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was home on leave and having breakfast with my parents and my younger brothers. I guess I got too used to the rougher language around the Army barracks where I'm stationed. At the breakfast table, I asked my Mom to "pass me the f***ing butter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 231

You deserved it 70 589

Crash

By Anonymous - 01/02/2026 12:00

Today, I was proud of myself for buying the lowest calorie option at a Subway that I could walk to. By the time I managed to get there my blood sugar severely crashed (it didn't help that two people in front of me were ordering subs for their family and coworkers). I ended up buying six cookies to stave off the crash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 179

You deserved it 269

Damn, girl!

By just lemme smash - 12/02/2026 03:00

Today, my wife has quit nicotine. As expected, she's put on some weight, but it's all gone to her butt, boobs, and hips. She looks better than ever, easily 5 years younger, but she's so upset about the weight gain that she refuses to let me touch her, and she wears baggy clothes 24/7 now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 463

You deserved it 92

Leaky

By Anonymous - 03/03/2026 20:00

Today, I decided I was tired of being fat so I started GLP-1. Today I also learned it can cause intractable diarrhea. Today I shit in an emesis bag in my car in a line at my kids' school, so now I’m fat and a shitty mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 288

You deserved it 189

A bit much

By Jfc son - 09/03/2026 03:00

Today, my son was getting ready for a first date. I asked him what he was doing, and he revealed he'd saved his money and bought her a GOLD NECKLACE to show his love. I facepalmed so hard I nearly gave myself a concussion, then told him to put that away until their first anniversary or something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 421

You deserved it 113

No smoke, no fire

By Anonymous - 25/03/2026 03:00

Today, a misunderstanding led to me falsely accusing my husband of cheating. We cleared it up and he forgave me and everything, but my parents are still convinced that he cheated, and won't believe me when I say he wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 129

You deserved it 520

Small business woes

By Anonymous - 26/04/2026 12:00 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I run a small online shop and I got an order from a new customer. I packed everything, added a handwritten thank-you note… and mixed up the shipping label with another package. One customer got handmade candles, the other got a box of unrelated items and a note saying, “Hope this smells amazing.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 140

You deserved it 326

Graphic design is my passion

By Anonymous - 19/05/2026 15:00 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, my boss asked if anyone knew basic Photoshop, and I volunteered because I once edited memes in high school. Two hours later I was sweating through my shirt trying to remove a reflection from a company head shot while my coworkers slowly realized I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 366

This is us

By Anonymous - 23/05/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, CPS came to my door because they found out that I didn't report it when my sister abandoned her kids on my doorstep. They're telling me that I'm going to have to take them down to the foster care center and go through the proper channels if I want to keep them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 461

You deserved it 84

ChatGPT slop disinformation

By h8chatgpt - 01/06/2026 00:00 - United States

Today, a customer threw a tantrum and we had to get law enforcement involved, all because Chat GPT told them that they could qualify for “free government grants for seniors aged 55+.” I work at Wells Fargo and we don’t have such a program, but according to the customer, “Chat GPT said so.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 432

You deserved it 80

Bio mom situation is insane

By Anonymous - 02/06/2026 20:00 - United States - Perris

Today, my foster son’s adoption is once again being delayed thanks to his crackhead birth mom. Every time she gets a notice that we’re moving forward, she has some rando come forward pretending to be the bio dad, then we have to go through months of court and DNA tests. She’s done this 12 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 448

You deserved it 41

Eavesdropping is never a good idea

By Anonymous - 10/06/2026 03:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a meeting with my daughter's headmistress, which I thought went well, until I was walking to my car past the open staff room window and I heard her say to other teachers, “Jesus, I can see where that brat [my daughter's name] gets her shitty attitude from… and her fat arse.” They all laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 158

You deserved it 331

No can do

By off - 11/06/2026 20:00 - United States - Denver

Today, my parents told me I have a bunch of chores to do today, no excuses. I have severe diarrhea and can’t leave the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 301

You deserved it 68

Sounds about right

By Anonymous - 18/06/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I spent an hour frantically searching for my car keys, turning the entire apartment upside down. After giving up and calling a locksmith, I found the keys… in the fridge. Because apparently I put my leftover pizza on top of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 145

You deserved it 387

Someone needs a good talking to

By Anonymous - 02/07/2025 20:00 - United States - Riverside

Today, my husband once again woke me up in the wee hours to have sex. Don’t get me wrong, the sex is great but as soon as he nuts he rolls over and goes right back to sleep. I however am stuck awake and can’t get back to sleep no matter how hard I try. FML

I agree, your life sucks 482

You deserved it 147

Boom!

By Anonymous - 09/07/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, my husband is such a tight-wadded cheapskate that his idea of “taking the family out” is going to Costco to try all the samples. PS: Yes, I work too, so he’s not the only “provider", he’s just cheap and boring as all hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 422

You deserved it 149

The big waiting room

By Big sad - 27/07/2025 22:00 - United States - Steele

Today, my depression has reached the point where I'm not sure if I'm even living anymore. Sure, I'm very much alive and able to type this, but I feel as though I'm just existing. Taking up space. Doing nothing. I can't be alone here, right? FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 125

Fitness check

By Christine - 11/08/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, I went to my first spin class. Trying my best, I hopped on the bike and started pedaling like I’d been doing it for years. The instructor came over, adjusted the seat, and as soon as she let go, I completely lost my balance and tipped over. The bike fell sideways, taking me and two water bottles with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 135

Nervous wreck

By Anonymous - 14/08/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I kept running into the same guy in every aisle of the supermarket. By the fifth time, I nervously joked, “I guess we’re destined to be soulmates.” He gave me a deadpan look and replied, “I work here.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 169

You deserved it 472

Overly polite in public

By Anonymous - 16/08/2025 09:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I was browsing the frozen section at the store when I saw movement in my peripheral vision. Thinking it was another customer, I said “Oh sorry, go ahead.” No one responded. I turned to see my own reflection in the freezer door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 134

America's got talent

By Anonymous - 30/08/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I connected my phone to my car’s Bluetooth to listen to music. I didn’t realize my playlist had shuffled onto an old voice memo where I'd drunkenly recorded myself singing a heartfelt love song about pizza. It played as my boss got in for our carpool to a conference. I had to sit through the drive while she hummed along to “Cheese, you complete me.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 425

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The Top

Today, while having a serious talk with my father, he said, "Son, you're only alive because of a faulty, off-brand condom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 080

You deserved it 3 755

Today, I got a root canal. It wouldn't have been that bad if the dentist hadn't performed it on the wrong tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 069

You deserved it 1 851

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time in over a week, because I had been having weird cramps. Afterwards, I was experiencing the worst pain I’ve felt in my entire life, so we went to the ER. Turns out my cramping was from an ovarian cyst, and having sex made it rupture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 692

You deserved it 219

Today, I was getting ready for work and I sprayed my hair to stay in place, then went to spray deodorant under my arm, but noticed that it was super sticky. No wonder my hair spray smelled like baby powder, I'd confused one product with another. FML

I agree, your life sucks 401

You deserved it 701

Today, my date saw me naked, and was disgusted that 1. I shaved my pubes into a landing strip instead of completely bald, and 2. I missed a few hairs below my knee while shaving my legs. His actual words as he was half out the door were that he "wanted Princess Leia, not Chewbacca." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 244

You deserved it 290

Today, my boyfriend begged me to spend an extra night at his house. I agreed, cancelled my Uber, and arranged for my pets to be cared for, since I wasn't coming home. Five minutes later, he decided that he had to work tonight instead. Then he got angry at me for leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 399

You deserved it 66