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By Our Talisman - 01/08/2010 19:41

Today, I was at a red light when the guy next to me gave me that look people give when they want a street race. I won, but I should've seen the word "Sheriff" written on the side of his car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 853

You deserved it 82 607

BFF

By hairplease - 27/02/2010 19:03 - United States

Today, I brought my best friend to my uncle's birthday party. We were having a great time until my grandmother walked up to us and said to me, "You sure have a nice looking boyfriend." My friend is a girl. She has cancer and lost all of her hair due to chemotherapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 794

You deserved it 2 412

By Jane - 24/11/2011 13:57 - Australia

Spicy

Today, at the point of orgasm, my boyfriend screamed out, "Is this all there is?!" then rolled over and stared blankly at the ceiling without speaking for ages. This happens a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 892

You deserved it 6 241

By Anonymous - 01/02/2016 12:00 - United States - Montgomery

Spicy

Today, I accidentally walked in on my sister shaving, naked. I don't know what's worse, the fact I've now seen her nude, or that she looks ten times better than any girl I've ever slept with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 346

You deserved it 6 112

By Anonymous - 27/10/2010 05:58 - United States

Today, I spent all day handing out flyers advertising my services as a psychic. I got only one call. The caller wanted to inform me that I had misspelt the word "psychic" on my flyer. She was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 794

You deserved it 42 646

By blah56 - 23/06/2012 05:17 - United States - Vine Grove

Today, my husband put some photos of our wedding on Facebook. He named the album "FML". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 549

You deserved it 3 560

Nice try

By Journo - 27/04/2009 19:46 - United States

Today, after two months of unemployment, I got a call from a marketing firm offering me an interview for an entry-level position. While Googling the company, I discovered it's a scam. I graduated college in 3 years with a 3.5 GPA, and the only interview I can get is at a fake company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 149

You deserved it 5 019

Turned on

By Nicki - 21/12/2011 12:30 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I said something grammatically wrong during it. He chose to correct it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 619

You deserved it 31 918

By Anonymous - 03/11/2012 01:23 - Canada - Bedford

Spicy

Today, I finally lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It hurt like hell, was over in less than a minute, and he tried to reuse the condom for a second round. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 087

You deserved it 6 102

By Anonymous - 12/11/2011 01:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, a month after my final bout of intimacy with the stage five clinger who's been borderline stalking me since high school, she called to tell me I'm going to be a father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 461

You deserved it 63 229

By Anonymous - 05/04/2013 11:23 - Australia - Mackay

Today, I regretfully confessed to my parents I have trichotillomania. There was a torturous pause, followed by the question, "Are you gay?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 952

You deserved it 5 092

Don't mind me

By Anonymous - 16/04/2012 12:38 - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I watched as my neighbor walked to my front lawn, looked me right in the eye, and pissed on my mailbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 029

You deserved it 3 399

By Live Sweet - 25/04/2013 05:33

Spicy

Today, I finally hooked up with the guy that I have been in love with forever. If there is such a thing as soul mates, this guy is it. He's my best friend in the whole world. It was the worst sex I have ever had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 666

You deserved it 14 786

By hotmommy - 20/12/2010 00:23

Spicy

Today, I went to the mall with my daughter. She asked me if she could go see Santa, so I said yes. She made me sit on his lap with her, and that's when I felt something on my bum. Let's just say Santa had a present for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 275

You deserved it 6 645

By lfssecond - 30/05/2009 18:04 - United States

Today, while arriving at my best friend's wedding, I accidentally ran over her 2 dogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 774

You deserved it 25 608

By Anonymous - 11/07/2011 04:48 - United States

Today, I got a text message from my ex from about a year ago, asking if my 4-day-old son was his. I don't know what's sadder - the fact that he thinks a gestation period can last 11 months, or that he's more willing to step up to the plate than the baby's actual father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 896

You deserved it 9 466

By nick_of_time - 23/05/2010 14:23 - United States

Today, the supervisory staff at work was changed in my area. The good news? My boyfriend is now my manager. The bad news? My ex, the guy I cheated on my boyfriend with, is our supervisor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 618

You deserved it 75 047

nick_of_time tells us more.

nick_of_time 0

Tuesday 25 May 2010 3:53

Lol, people are soo funny. I agree with half of the post on here. Karma is indeed a bitch but as for me saying FML because now they might find out and I'll get punished well, they both already know so not so much. BTW, no hearts were broken so wrong again.

By emperor - 21/07/2009 05:38 - Bangladesh

Today, I woke up screaming. Why? Well, I was complaining to my dad yesterday about how I always hit the snooze button and just roll over when my alarm goes off, and how that results in me being late for morning classes. My dad thought he'd help out by placing a mousetrap on the snooze button. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 510

You deserved it 30 676

By Rick - 14/03/2010 13:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I fell in a river with a £700 camera, a £200 lens, and an iPhone while trying to rescue a 50 pence ball for my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 865

You deserved it 32 950

Snafu

By Anonymous - 19/01/2015 23:58

Today, while on my driving test, the guy told me to pull over and do a U-turn. A few minutes later, he asked me to do another one. After the test, he said I'd failed because the second U-turn was illegal, and I should have refused to comply. I didn't know they're even allowed do that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 709

You deserved it 5 585

By Anon - 23/11/2011 01:53 - United States

Today, after changing his mind 3 times, my long distance fiancé told me he wasn't coming to see me for Thanksgiving. Out of anger, I threw his clothes, car magazines, and whatever else I could find in a huge, messy pile. During this, he walked into the room. He was going to surprise me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 728

You deserved it 48 283

By Mikey - 26/04/2009 04:11 - United States

Today, I was hanging out at my school with some friends when my mom came to pick me up. A girl I knew wanted a hug before I left. I turned around to hug her and a clip on my backpack got stuck on her tank top. I tuned away the clip pulled the shirt ripping it and exposing her naked chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 514

You deserved it 8 726

Charming

By FootyFoot - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I texted my mom if she could pick me up from the hospital. She replied, "No fatty, walk home." I have a broken foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 852

You deserved it 3 276

By mattttbob - 04/02/2012 10:16 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I realised my girlfriend only has sex with me to make me exercise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 533

You deserved it 36 064

By "people these days" - 19/07/2013 20:36 - United States - Fairfax

Today, a kid was ranting that "people these days are so rude" and that "things were much better in the '50s." Annoyed, I asked the delusional twat what was so great about the racial segregation, rampant sexism, homophobia, and all the rest back then. He responded by punching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 979

You deserved it 15 905

Headshot

By owowowow - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I found out how much it hurts to be shot with a paintball in your open mouth. My mouth was only open to say I was hit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 730

You deserved it 7 743

Outrageous

By Anonymous - 14/05/2011 11:40 - Canada

Today, I found out that my grandma has been sending me birthday money every year. My mom just steals it before I ever see it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 480

You deserved it 3 275

By trice - 08/05/2013 17:48 - United States - Austin

Today, it's my birthday. Three people wished me happy birthday: Google, my insurance company, and the place I lease my car from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 386

You deserved it 4 305

By Anonymous - 25/04/2014 21:21 - United States - Marlboro

Today, my teenage daughter tried to convince me that the UK is a part of Canada. After I pulled out a map to prove her wrong, she got all angry and defensive, and said that nobody's perfect at "geometry". My daughter is an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 216

You deserved it 11 276

DIY

By liver - 19/03/2012 00:51 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, since I'm too broke to get a new one, I had to duct tape my bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 898

You deserved it 3 603

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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Today, my ex came back into my life, professing his love and begging for another chance. This begging act ended rather suddenly once he remembered I have a daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 387

You deserved it 1 170

Today, after years of researching and saving money, I got a pet fox. I was able to enjoy the majesty of the animal for three hours before it burrowed under the fence and ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 786

You deserved it 55 706

Today, I'm doing homework but still can't submit it, mainly due to the homework being bombarded more than three times during the week, from eight subjects, all due in three days. I sleep barely two hours a day, still not finishing the work and getting shitty exam marks. I wonder when this cycle of work will end… FML

I agree, your life sucks 353

You deserved it 122

Today, I found out my family doesn't actually use the secret codeword we've had since childhood for when we’re in trouble. They've just been saying it around me for years because they thought it was funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 389

You deserved it 98

Today, I was caught trying to use the employee bathroom at the back of the store when an employee asked if I worked there. I responded with, “Oh what? Are you a hall monitor? That’s what I thought!” but ended up bumping into a corner and my nose started bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 142

You deserved it 1 670

Today, as I was leaving the office, I heard my very cute coworker behind me say "Hey gorgeous, where are you off to?" I turned around with a smile and said "About to hit up happy hour." He was on the phone with his wife. I'm calling in sick tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 487

You deserved it 12 235