Actually, it never happens...
Today, my best friend told me he had a crush on someone in my house. I got excited, but he told me it was my mom. FML
Today, I found out my parents truly believe that Donald Trump will return to power in August. They also believed it was going to happen in March. It's like living in a death cult. Help. FML
Today, my roommate barged into my bedroom while my girlfriend and I were getting intimate. She freaked out and spun off of me trying to cover herself. I'm now in the hospital with a fractured dingle-dangle. What did he want that was so important? To ask if he could eat last pack of Pop-Tarts. FML
Today, my grandpa set out snare traps to catch the foxes that have been around our property, because he wanted to protect our dog from being attacked by them. I then got a phone call from my dad telling me our dog got caught in one. FML
Today, I just hit 41 weeks pregnant. Today is also the day my AC decided to die. I live in Florida, where it's hot WITH the AC on. This is gonna be fun. FML
Today, I was with my boyfriend and I said that I was self-conscious of my acne. He told me that only one of my zits was noticeable and that it wasn't so bad. In fact he said it looked cool, like a bullet wound or something "awesome" like that. FML
Calm yourself!
I’ll just grab a quick snack & no one will ever know...