Wake Up Call By FML Approved - 07/10/2017 03:00 The most frustrating sound ever. I agree, your life sucks 463 You deserved it 87 Share Tweet Share
Today, I was at a wedding reception. Everyone got offended when I threw my hands up and backed off to avoid catching the garter and let the two guys on either side fight for it. Nothing but laughs for the cousin who grabbed the bouquet out of someone else's hand and punched her, though. FML I agree, your life sucks 419 You deserved it 83
Today, on my way home, my girlfriend started sexting me, telling me that she was waiting at my house. In my rush to get home to see her, I got pulled over and had to be patted down. He found no weapons, but he did find my stiffy. FML I agree, your life sucks 41 961 You deserved it 12 658
Today, I found out my husband cheated on me two months after our wedding (and two days before my birthday). The worst part is that he's my high school sweetheart and we've been together for 8 years. I should've known not to marry him, considering he cheated on me with his friend's mom. Now I miss a guy I never dated. FML I agree, your life sucks 415 You deserved it 1 070
Today, my two year old decided to run out the front door alone. I ran after him, tripped over the bottom of my jeans, fell onto the sidewalk and scraped up both my hands and knees. My neighbors just watched. FML I agree, your life sucks 24 760 You deserved it 4 379
Today, I was having amazing sex with my husband. When he blew his load, he also blew something else - a giant glob of snot, directly at my face. FML I agree, your life sucks 16 241 You deserved it 1 574
Today, the deranged idiot that I am defending in court went completely nuts and told the judge that I am the guy who planned the whole armed robbery that he is on trial for. FML I agree, your life sucks 54 114 You deserved it 4 843
Today, I traveled through a winter storm to NYC. After a miserable interview, I got in my car and drove only 200 feet before being pulled over and ticketed for momentarily picking up my GPS. Today's total: 5 points, $150, no new job, and 6 hours of driving in a Nor'easter. FML I agree, your life sucks 3 527 You deserved it 502
Today, after finals, my English professor left me less than one percent from an A. Why? All semester long, he took away points because my opinions did not match his. FML I agree, your life sucks 45 773 You deserved it 3 721
This is usually followed by the "plotting their demise knowing that you will never actually act on it" phase.