Intimacy: Today, my wife told me she was pregnant. I don't remember having... - FML

By rj - 12/05/2012 14:42 - United States - Goddard

Spicy

Today, my wife told me she was pregnant. I don't remember having sex since last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 602

You deserved it 5 839

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Same thing different taste

By baron - 01/06/2009 17:36 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. We haven't had sex yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131 736

You deserved it 7 583

It's not a competition, but still…

By Shooter71 - 16/10/2010 04:09 - France

Spicy

Today, I discovered my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I've had in the last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 361

You deserved it 3 828

By Anonymous - 15/06/2014 19:22 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I found out that my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I have in our last year of marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 159

You deserved it 6 393

By Andrew - 20/04/2011 16:31 - United States

Spicy

Today, I tried to get my wife to have sex with me, she told me she couldn't because she had her period. She's two months pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 430

You deserved it 11 758

By Anonymous - 05/12/2010 01:28 - United States

Today, I found out my wife is pregnant. The problem is she convinced me to get a vasectomy two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 515

You deserved it 3 970

By doomed - 22/08/2009 17:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, my fiancée, who believes in "sex after marriage" like me, told me she was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 506

You deserved it 6 713

By both are dimwitted - 23/12/2014 18:32 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my ex called, saying she's 3 months pregnant. She seems to have forgotten that we haven't been in the same room, much less friends, in over a year. My dimwitted wife thinks the baby is mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 535

You deserved it 4 664

Making whoopee

By Broken trust - 19/09/2025 20:00

Spicy

Today, after years of my wife having almost no sex drive, and always insisting on using protection, she suddenly craves unprotected sex like an alcoholic craves booze. I went through her phone and learned why. Yup, she's pregnant, cheated on me since day one, and her scummy side dick skipped town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 480

You deserved it 95

That's… sexy

By Anonymous - 03/02/2021 01:01 - Mexico - Iztacalco

Spicy

Today, my wife threw up in the middle of sex, then fell asleep right after. I didn't even finish and it'd been over a month since the last time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 128

You deserved it 331

By noneedtostress - 17/03/2012 15:52 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I realised my period was two weeks late and panicked about being pregnant due to missing a pill a few weeks ago. Then I remembered I haven't had sex in almost a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 901

You deserved it 10 486

Next

Top comments

Il_Maestro 6

Saturday 12 May 2012 20:02

Either she cheated or I would recommend seeing a doctor about your memory.

linkinpark98 23

Saturday 12 May 2012 20:03

MAURY!

Comments

LeCommentator 1

Monday 14 May 2012 3:03

Maybe you were drunk.

guerillazinsuits 1

Monday 14 May 2012 5:19

Aww shit.

kissmyace25 6

Monday 14 May 2012 6:09

maybe she jumped on top while you were sleeping

melanierules123 7

Monday 14 May 2012 7:07

drunk???

kyle515 3

Monday 14 May 2012 8:16

Aww, shitttt. but how could you not having sex in one year? i am very sure your wife is not satisfied!

urbanimpression 6

Monday 14 May 2012 8:38

Ninja sex

bansheeshee 0

Monday 14 May 2012 8:43

Bro...you haven't had sex with your wife in that long? C'mon man!

TheHeavyOne 15

Monday 14 May 2012 16:02

All on you! Should have been pleasuring your wife!

RachelleMatson 0

Monday 14 May 2012 21:38

Maybe the fact you haven't had sex since last years the problem=|

darkforever_fml 1

Monday 14 May 2012 23:36

LEAVE HER NOW! Not having sex for a year is enough to wonder somethings wrong and now she's pregnant. You sound like a glutten for punishment! More fool you.

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The Top

Today, I was spelling T-R-E-A-T to my fiancé so that the dog wouldn't understand what I was talking about. Turns out, neither could my fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 002

You deserved it 5 569

Today, as I was at Starbucks writing a paper, a man came and sat next to me. He started staring at me, then I noticed his hands were down his pants. It was noticeable that he was masturbating, so I went to tell a worker. They just said, "He's a regular" and didn't do anything about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 784

You deserved it 719

Today, thanks to my estranged husband, I had three seizures at work. I came home yesterday to find that my seizure medications were completely gone. He'd flushed them down the toilet because he thinks I'm psychotic and "read on the internet" that it's because of the meds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 139

You deserved it 278

Today, my boyfriend asked me when my face was going to go back to normal after being swollen from having my wisdom teeth taken out last week. My face is back to normal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 230

You deserved it 3 787

Today, I learned that my new neighbour's car alarm goes off every time a car drives by blasting loud bass. So far, it's gone off 6 times in the last hour. I can't wait until he's done moving in here, where he and his car will stay for the next year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 452

You deserved it 148

Today, my cat learned that smacking his feather toy against the metal barrel I store it in will result in a loud and irritating sound that gets me out of bed fast. Taking it out and putting it on the floor doesn't work, because he learned how to pick it up and drop it in the barrel. My cat is a goddamn genius. FML

I agree, your life sucks 356

You deserved it 193