Intimacy: Today, I've tried to have a quiet jack off four times, only for...

By fuck fof and die dad - 20/11/2014 19:48 - Germany - Kiel

Today, I've tried to have a quiet jack off four times, only for my dad to knock on my bedroom door within seconds and say "STOP IT." every single time. Now I'm too paranoid to even function. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 590

You deserved it 9 460

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Same thing different taste

By jack s.b. - 14/11/2013 22:15 - United States - Austin

Today, my dad walked in on me jacking off. He swore and told me to lock my door next time. Later on I heard him snickering and telling my mom that I "jack off real weird." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 113

You deserved it 16 450

Caught in 1080p

By wtf - 16/05/2014 22:25 - Australia - Narangba

Today, I started watching porn in my room with the volume muted. A minute later, my dad knocked on the door, so I closed everything and called him in. He just said, "Son, you disgust me." and walked out. Now I'm too paranoid to use my own computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 667

You deserved it 15 010

Nearly there

By sally - 25/01/2014 17:42 - United States - Augusta

Today, after 3 months of no orgasms, I was in the shower, working to rectify that. As I was seconds away from coming, my dad loudly knocked on the door and demanded to know how much longer I was going to take. Probably another 3 months now, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 846

You deserved it 9 500

Realistic

By IBleedArbor - 16/02/2009 22:59 - United States

Today, my dad told me to take my stress out by getting a girlfriend. My mom laughed and said, "No that won't work, just go jack off in the shower again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 324

You deserved it 5 039

Knock first

By jesus christ, dad - 06/09/2013 16:48 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, for the third time since breakfast, I accidentally walked in on my father wanking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 941

You deserved it 7 079

Lock your doors

By Anonymous - 27/05/2019 00:14

Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 524

You deserved it 776

By Anonymous - 22/07/2017 05:29 - United States - Irving

Today, my dad unlocked the bathroom door and barged in without warning only to catch me, with no clothes on, masturbating. He said, "sorry" but stayed for another 20 seconds to look for his shampoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 223

You deserved it 1 287

By Anonymous - 27/08/2014 21:50 - United States - Franklin Park

Today, I bought some noise-canceling headphones. They work well. Too well. My mom came home, unpacked her shopping, walked upstairs, knocked on my door, opened my door, and found me jacking off to a porno, all without me hearing a thing. Fucking hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 422

You deserved it 43 222

By fmjob - 21/07/2009 04:39 - Canada

Today, I finally told my parents I would be changing bedrooms because I could no longer stand hearing them having sex, which is awkward and disturbing. Later, my dad came and asked me quietly if I thought my mom sounded "satisfied." FML

I agree, your life sucks 90 348

You deserved it 6 257

By helloimkylieee - 25/01/2016 01:04 - United States - Tracy

Today, I had to convince my parents to shut the door when they have sex. They have done this on multiple occasions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 816

You deserved it 1 567

ojskyguy 8

Thursday 20 November 2014 22:50

Search your room for hidden surveillance.

michaelm1290 23

Thursday 20 November 2014 22:51

Tell your dad to beat it.

Comments

skyeyez9 24

Monday 24 November 2014 3:07

Interrupt your parents every time they try to have sex or if you dad is spending too much time alone.

stumanchew 4

Monday 24 November 2014 3:49

Find that camera and finish on it.

SammiixSue 13

Tuesday 25 November 2014 4:37

After the first time you either shut up or stop. YDI

limabeans101029 20

Tuesday 25 November 2014 22:31

He was trying to have a "quiet jack off", so I think we can assume he wasn't being too loud. His dad was totally at fault here.

ShenaniganNinja 20

Wednesday 26 November 2014 17:58

Yeah he's probably spying on you somehow. Next time he says stop it, just say no and keep going. Go full insanity wolf on him.

devans00 14

Thursday 27 November 2014 21:49

Obviously you aren't as quiet as you think. If someone can hear you through a closed door. Work on it.

KingAdrock 16

Thursday 4 December 2014 20:57

That's what locks are for. If your bedroom doesn't have one, then go in the bathroom and have your fap while the water's running.

BubbleCobra 6

Tuesday 9 December 2014 20:32

If he wont let you get some one handed love making gong on in your room, take it to the livingroom, or better yet, the diningroom, and just assume your ultimate form on that shit. If he walks in look him dead in the eye, and don't look away or stop, keep going.