Intimacy: Today, I started making love to my wife as soon as the kids were...

By ahddib - 14/10/2010 02:13 - United States

Today, I started making love to my wife as soon as the kids were occupied. She just laid there the whole time and never responded, except for a few times to say "Ouch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 227

You deserved it 10 374

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Scarred for life

By Guess who's back - 10/07/2022 10:00 - Australia - Homebush

Today, in the morning, my wife and I were having hot but silent sex on my futon while our 3 year-old slept in his crib. It was going great until my turn to come when I released a loud, "AARRGHHHHHH". My son promptly got up, took one look at me and his mother's back, then promptly went back to sleep without a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 463

You deserved it 1 912

Mixed signals

By Anonymous - 11/07/2025 20:00 - Netherlands - Creil

Today, my wife and I were having amazing make up sex after several months of painful separation. Halfway through, she screamed for me to stop, climbed off the bed, and ran into the bathroom. She spent an hour screaming and crying, then came out and emotionlessly told me to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 138

Teaser

By Frustrating - 21/07/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, my wife spent the entire evening grabbing my crotch, whispering dirty things to me, and telling me how horny she was, right up until the kids went to bed. Then, it was, "Baby, I just want cuddles, I don't feel like sex" and pouting. This happens at least three times a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 757

You deserved it 151

Waste of time

By I'mmessedup - 29/09/2021 22:59

Today, after weeks of every excuse not to, my wife wanted sex. It was amazing, and she had at least 3 orgasms. Instead of cuddling afterwards, she got up like someone kicked her and started bitching about all the things she could have been doing, as she got dressed and stormed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 227

You deserved it 555

Actor's Studio

By biggieT - 14/06/2012 02:21 - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Today, I was having sex with my wife, when she fell asleep. She then woke up and started moaning, clearly faking an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 120

You deserved it 7 606

Peek a boo

By Anonymous - 08/05/2014 02:31 - United States - Tampa

Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 097

You deserved it 16 188

By sixsix - 24/12/2008 11:19 - France

Today, I made love to my girlfriend. I penetrated her for a while, then stopped to get my breath back... She carried on moaning even though I'd stopped moving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 210

You deserved it 8 680

Denied

By Anonymous - 02/02/2025 13:00 - United States

Today, I woke up with a raging hard on. My wife, who was also awake, felt it when I pressed against her. She said, "No thank you," got up, and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 494

You deserved it 197

Time for some DIY

By Anonymous - 20/05/2022 22:00

Today, my husband and I were home alone and we wanted to do the nasty multiple times before our kids got back from school. He lasted less than two minutes, then fell asleep. It's been 6 weeks since my last orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 644

You deserved it 382

Being a parent 101

By Shavaughn Riley - 31/10/2020 23:03 - New Zealand - Kawerau

Today, my girlfriend and I started to be intimate after a run of dry spells. I was looking forward to this, until one of our kids came barging into our room and ruined the moment for the rest of the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 020

You deserved it 304

truthishly 0

Thursday 14 October 2010 9:24

maybe u should have stopped?! you know since she was saying "ouch" maybe u should have checked to make sure she was okay?!

justsayfuck 5

Thursday 14 October 2010 9:08

Guess she was too tired for faking.

Comments

Fylminesawsome 5

Friday 17 February 2012 22:48

At least she let you when she wasn't into it. And it still counts

Dravite 9

Tuesday 29 May 2012 0:55

doesn't matter, had sex?

wickedclown321 3

Tuesday 17 July 2012 6:00

My ex wife did that to me so I would make myself finish and leave her lying naked to clean herself up. I'm now divorced and have a girlfriend who I Have wild and crazy sex with.

steam_engenius 21

Friday 18 March 2016 7:51

Your ex "did that" to you? You mean, you failed to please her so you regularly just used her body and left her there to clean up your mess after you had your fun? What a fantastic husband you were. Gross, man.

AzeHole 4

Friday 1 February 2013 19:10

two words....Wrong Hole

itssnotfunny 24

Saturday 18 October 2014 19:54

ouch :/

scottishoatmeal 22

Sunday 17 January 2016 3:31

Wow that must have been an awkward situation

[email protected] 6

Monday 22 May 2017 8:59

I was married to her once....once!

lucasj23 11

Tuesday 3 April 2018 15:06

good God man. didn't you think that ouch was a clear indication she was not enjoying herself? and yet it sounds like you kept going. maybe you shoikd learn to please her.

peterblack67 9

Wednesday 3 February 2021 3:06

Holy God! Did the first ouch not give you a clue as to how much she was not enjoying it? That sounds closer to assault than making love. I feel very bad for your poor wife.