Intimacy: Today, I discovered that nothing kills a wet dream faster than... - FML

By JohnB - 20/10/2009 00:43 - United States

Spicy

Today, I discovered that nothing kills a wet dream faster than a kitten who pounces on things that wiggle under the blanket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 874

You deserved it 4 229

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Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

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Same thing different taste

By jenA - 21/08/2012 13:04 - United States - Russellville

Today, I realized the fastest way to wake up isn't from an alarm clock. It's from the warm, wet sensation of your old and senile cat peeing on you and your bed. I swear he was smiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 875

You deserved it 3 002

Wake up, human!

By inveralaska - 16/06/2016 21:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a kitten. She decided to sleep on my bed, waking me up periodically during the night by biting my face to make sure I was still alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 057

You deserved it 2 361

By meowmeow - 21/09/2010 04:38 - Australia

Today, I noticed my kitten was growling and twitching in his sleep. I tried to wake him up by gently prodding him. He responded by waking up and attacking my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 779

You deserved it 31 300

Alone time

By Anonymous - 19/04/2021 14:00

Spicy

Today, I had some unexpected alone time for the first time in months and decided to *ahem* play with an adult toy. As things were getting close to the end, my cat jumped up on the bed, saw the movement under the blanket and immediately pounced on my downstairs, puncturing certain delicate areas with his claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 343

You deserved it 351

By Fykkhttdsetkkhvln - 26/04/2009 16:45 - United States

Today, I was snuggling with my neighbors four week old kitten while babysitting their kids. I fell asleep, rolled over, and woke up next to a dead kitten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 819

You deserved it 58 183

By Anonymous - 21/08/2015 08:33 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was putting the cat outside. He wouldn't go, so I kicked him. Then I woke up to my husband screaming. I’d been dreaming, and the "cat" I kicked was his family jewels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 700

You deserved it 9 188

By Cat Piss - 15/12/2013 16:58 - United States - Lavon

Today, I was woken up to the sound of my cat peeing on the pillow next to mine. When I yelled at him, he jumped over my face and off the bed. He was still peeing the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 697

You deserved it 6 887

Little cuties

By DanielleinDC - 22/05/2025 08:00 - United States

Today, I washed the comforter one of my nine-month-old kittens peed on last night. Just as soon as my boyfriend put it on the bed, she peed on it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 342

You deserved it 140

Nasty

By What an asshole - 13/01/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, as I crawled into bed and hid under my blanket, I was hit with a very strong and familiar smell. The smell of piss. My cat had peed all over my only blanket. Guess I'll sleep under the mattress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 365

You deserved it 157

Surprise, wanker!

By pussnboots - 16/07/2024 13:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, as I was feeling frisky, I started to jack off. I was about to come when my cat attacked my hand and nether regions under the blanket. I really got the pussy, didn’t I? FML

I agree, your life sucks 399

You deserved it 248

Next

Top comments

allmidnighteyes 10

Tuesday 20 October 2009 9:41

That's the only, and the youngest pussy you're ever gonna get.

TaterSalad187 5

Tuesday 20 October 2009 14:19

Haha, sorta ironic. Who ever would of thought that pussy would kill a wet dream?

Comments

gorbeast 0

Wednesday 17 February 2010 12:19

LOL

lolwtfwasthat 0

Tuesday 6 April 2010 3:46

aww it likes toys

SixPackJonny 0

Sunday 11 April 2010 5:06

y r u complaining? u got pussy man! congradulations:)

nerf456 0

Sunday 11 April 2010 16:37

1 and 15 winnnnnn!!!!

ZacharyorAndrew 0

Tuesday 27 April 2010 4:29

uve taught ur kitty well my good sir

rety1 13

Wednesday 9 June 2010 16:55

I was having a really nice dream one night and awoke with my cats "in heat" ass in my face... I punched her off my bed in my tired daze and went back to sleep lol

amisenho 11

Tuesday 27 July 2010 0:27

Skroo cheezburger; I can has peeniss? >{^_^}

meowmeowwkitty 0

Friday 11 February 2011 18:36

bahahahaa awwww

cantevenimagine 0

Tuesday 15 February 2011 3:27

wat the heck is wiggling? do ur body parts spasm when u wet dream?

Ashley07 2

Monday 8 August 2011 22:54

lol funniest thing ive read on here for a long time

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The Top

Today, I got written up because I took a dump at work that lasted longer than 5 minutes, and I didn't punch out for it as a "paid break." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 100

You deserved it 168

Today, I told a cashier I always bullshit with that I was getting a new tattoo. She shook her head and said, "Honey, don't get a tattoo. You'll look like a whore." I already have five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 892

You deserved it 36 563

Today, my girlfriend hates my friends and I'm not allowed to talk or hang out with them. She keeps threatening my job. The only reason I'm still with her is because she will try and get me fired. She's crazy and so is the rest of her family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 529

You deserved it 631

Today, we had to sit our friend down and explain that President Zelensky is not a Mossad agent/US puppet who forced Putin to invade Ukraine. He responded by talking about Hunter Biden for an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 947

You deserved it 265

Today, I went to the dentist; no one was in the waiting room so I danced around and mouthed songs that were on the radio. It wasn't till after I went to the counter and saw the receptionists laughing like a pack of hyenas that I realized there was a camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 956

You deserved it 8 166

Today, I walked into Best Buy to buy a 42" widescreen TV I'd been saving up for many months. As I walked in, a man stopped me and handed me my wallet that I'd accidentally dropped. I thanked him. Five minutes later at the checkout, I opened up my wallet to realize it was empty. He had stolen everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 986

You deserved it 12 077