Painful Health Ten out of ten performance, no notes

Ten out of ten performance, no notes

Jesska - - United States

Today, I was applying Icy Hot. I squeezed the bottle too hard making it squirt in my eye. I ran to the bathroom in agony, turned on the faucet, and slammed my face right into it. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Use the force

BlueMacaw - - United States - Lake Elsinore

Today, I accidentally threw a glass of iced tea in my own face, because the restaurant I'd been going to for over a decade switched from heavy glass mugs to identical light-as-a-feather plastic mugs. FML

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Right back!

Anonymous -

Today, while I was eating spicy wings, I suddenly sneezed. I was sitting in front of a fan and effectively maced myself when my spicy sneeze blew back into my face and eyes. FML

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Smoking is so cool

Burnt - - United States

Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML

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Anonymous - 06/02/2016 01:34 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML

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Rewind time

supersmashpika - - United States - Hershey

Today, while walking down the street, a truck hit a puddle and splashed me with water. After I cursed and flipped him off, he put his truck in reverse and splashed me again. FML

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The struggle

lizi - - United Kingdom - Saint Andrews

Today, I accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to take my bra off. FML

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Red flag

Kirby - - United States

Today, as I was walking back to my dorm, I looked down and thought, "I wonder why the ground is wet in just this one spot?" Then I got hit with a water balloon. FML

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Zit remedy

Anonymous - - United Kingdom

Today, I was getting ready for a date when I noticed a spot on my chin. To get rid of it, I applied my sister's spot cream rather than picking it off. Within minutes, my entire chin looked like a swollen tomato. FML

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Piss poor prank

peedonme - - New Zealand

Today, I was in the toilet. Some idiots thought it was funny to throw a water balloon into the cubicle. The balloon didn't pop, but fell in the toilet, sending my own urine onto my shorts. I had 4 hours left of school. FML

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Who are you?

Anonymous - - United States

Today, I was in the bathroom stall when a man made eye-contact with me through the crack in the door. I quickly looked away, but about a minute later I looked back to see if he was gone. He was still there and was actually trying to keep making eye-contact with me while I pooped. FML

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SeduceRecycle 0

Friday 3 September 2010 23:18

 Nooooooo good.

YupImBack 0

Friday 3 September 2010 23:22

shit happens

w2z1 0

Friday 3 September 2010 23:27

It would be funnier if it was on your downstairs.

kieran247 0

Friday 3 September 2010 23:28

first

w2z1 0

Friday 3 September 2010 23:35



substitutes 0

Friday 3 September 2010 23:30

have*

josh5634 0

Friday 3 September 2010 23:37

made me lol :) but seriously FYL

remy3106 10

Saturday 4 September 2010 3:17

u put a pic up!!! :)

flamegrilled123 3

Friday 3 September 2010 23:38

you fail at life

leerdz23 0

Friday 3 September 2010 23:38

Haha... I'm sorry, but this is a classic. love it :) hope you get better.

UpYoursInAdvance 0

Saturday 4 September 2010 0:06

A Jim Carrey Moment... MAX!

fmlwinnn 0

Saturday 4 September 2010 0:06

you mean those Icy Hot condoms, which are supposed to be twice the turn-on? if so, you probably picked the wrong gender.

OwNowBrownCow 0

Saturday 4 September 2010 0:17

Dumbass

muffinkitty 15

Saturday 4 September 2010 0:34

bahahahahahahaha niiicee one! :D

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, at a ski resort, I tried to impress an attractive girl on the slopes and failed, horribly. I ended up with a mild concussion and some serious cuts after tripping, tumbling and hitting my head against the ground. I don't think she was impressed. FML

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Today, I have found the Holy Grail of fast food ordering. You will never be disappointed: when they say, “May I take your order?” Say, “Yes surprise me, and please charge me for something that will never make it to the bag.” Your order will always be perfect. FML

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Fine... I guess?

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Today, my boyfriend came before I'd even unbuttoned my pants. FML

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Today, my girlfriend broke up with me and said I was not 'Christian enough' for her. Later I found out she had been cheating on me with my best friend. FML

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Today, my friends got me a cake for my birthday. As I blew out the candles, they shoved my head into it and I was knocked out for 3 minutes before an ambulance took me to the hospital. I got a concussion from a cake. FML

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