Sex, Painful, Ironic Intimacy Squirting the night away

Squirting the night away

svet - 22/02/2009 02:07 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob, which I don't normally do because I have a fear of getting hit in the eye. Afterwards, I went to suck a lemon to get the taste out of my mouth. Sure enough, I bit the wrong spot and had lemon juice shoot right into my eye. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

The heat of the moment

righthook - 08/04/2015 19:56 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He was about to make me come so I lifted my arm above my head with pleasure. I accidently punched him in the eye, hard enough that he had to stop for a while because he said he felt dizzy. FML

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KAAALIS - 16/03/2009 02:20 - United States

Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML

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fmlpanda - 29/05/2010 04:14 - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. It was going well until our braces got caught. Out of pain, I tried to pull away, which made my eyes water. Then I sneezed in his mouth. FML

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Anonymous - 16/03/2012 20:23 - Ireland

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML

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Junkrat - 08/12/2016 13:32

Today, I was giving my boyfriend oral sex when he pulled away without warning. As I looked up at him to see what was wrong, he screamed "JUSTICE RAINS FROM ABOVE!" and shot his load in my eyes. FML

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Really into it

Anonymous - 08/11/2023 22:00

Today, I was having sex with my partner and we got very into it. I went to wrap my hand around his neck and somehow accidentally poked my finger in his eye socket so hard he ended up in emergency. He still can’t see properly out of that eye now. FML

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Anonymous - 18/02/2013 19:11 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML

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eeewww - 21/11/2018 03:13

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and he ejaculated without warning, shooting straight up my nostril. I accidentally snorted it, started choking, and then coughed it up in my mouth. FML

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abc123 - 16/12/2013 16:44 - United States - Marysville

Today, I was taking a shower with my boyfriend. While we were washing our hair, he got soap in his eyes and mouth. I was facing him, and since his eyes were closed he didn't realize how close I was. When he spat the soap out, it went straight into my eyes. Neither of us could see. FML

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Brian - 18/03/2012 02:32 - United States - East Wenatchee

Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML

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sunshyne84_fml 0

Sunday 22 February 2009 5:22

try mouthwash?

red_apples 0

Sunday 22 February 2009 5:14

Now you're scared of lemons.

ekdikeo 0

Monday 2 March 2009 18:11

afraid to give ******** because you might get it in your eye? Umm.. yeah, right.

lemonhead123 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 6:11

when life gives lemons, just swallow.

mikeike8422 0

Wednesday 4 March 2009 7:07

karma give your boyfriend head more and let him come in your mouth. come tastes gross you say? make him drink gatorade. make it taste like candy

kurquizu 3

Tuesday 12 July 2011 19:27

spelled cum

Jimboom 11

Wednesday 4 March 2009 15:53

Silly girl. Dicks are for sucking.. not lemons.

RenoEnvy 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 10:27

Man, when life gives you lemons, eh? =)

yuyo_fml 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 13:44

i mean u had to get your squirt in the eye anyhow

eldar89 0

Friday 6 March 2009 17:17

you could always just let him **** in your mouth and swallow it. no muss no fuss, try it!

lifehatesmedamn 0

Saturday 7 March 2009 0:53

ahh, a classic tale of irony and idiocy. love it. but... why in the world do you have a fear of getting sperm squirted into your eye? that has to be one of the most ridiculous fears i've heard of. and there are some weird ones out there.

girlgeorge_fml 0

Sunday 8 March 2009 5:20

the fear of cum in the eye is so relevant. maybe not for ********, but, i know at least my boyfriend likes to cum on me and its gotten in my eye and it sticks shut and gets all bloodshot and its ******* traumatic. still think the lemon stings worse though.