Cats, Injury Animals Never disrespect the cat - FML

Never disrespect the cat

Rafiki - 22/02/2010 03:14 - United States

Today, while I was at my girlfriend's house, I picked up her cat and held him like he was baby Simba. Apparently he didn't enjoy that, because he managed to somehow leap out of my hands and attach himself to my chest, claws extended. I now have four one-inch-long gashes on my chest. FML

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Anonymous - 28/12/2018 06:00 - United States - Pittsford

Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML

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Anonymous - 27/05/2009 22:44 - United States

Today, my kitten was playing with the drawstring on my pajama pants. He then jumped, clinging on to my crotch. I screamed in pain, which scared him and made him hold on tighter. My cat was literally hanging from my vagina with its claws for a good 30 seconds before I could pry him off. FML

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Catremorse - 01/08/2019 14:00 - United States - Centreville

Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML

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scratchpost - 28/10/2010 12:07 - United States

Today, my cat woke me up by sharpening his claws on my breast. FML

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Nuts

Almost neutered - 02/07/2023 23:00 - United States

Today, I was laying on the couch when my cat decided to join. Instead of jumping, he opted to climb. While he was climbing, he put his paw on my junk and got his claws stuck there. He then tried to force them out, which hurt even more. It took almost a full minute to break him free. FML

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ambushcat - 06/07/2012 03:31 - United States

Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML

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Say sorry to Mr Whiskers!

Anonymous - 10/05/2021 14:01

Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML

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ihatecats - 01/12/2009 07:05 - United States

Today, I heard my cat climbing on the counters in the kitchen. To prevent a tremendous avalanche of dishes, I picked up the cat and put it outside. She got scared from the blinds and scurried away leaving deep scratches across my nipple. I wasn't wearing a shirt. FML

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Worst enemy

vitalcheese - 20/05/2009 19:12 - United States

Today, I was walking around my house without a shirt on after my shower. I picked up my cat and walked around the corner… Just as my dad turned on the vacuum. Now I have 6 rather deep bloody holes in my shoulder and chest. FML

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Let cats be cats

Anonymous - 28/02/2022 06:00

Today, I disciplined my cat for meowing too loudly in my apartment and disturbing neighbors by picking her up by the scruff. She then proceeded to scratch the ever living crap out of my hand, now it looks like Wolverine got a hold of me. FML

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coolster56 0

Monday 22 February 2010 9:04

that's sorta cute next time don't lift cats

Djlatino 0

Monday 22 February 2010 9:07

Simba wasn't very happy

waNgEmsauCe 0

Monday 22 February 2010 11:02

why.... are you..... sooooo ugly O.o

thoughtcrimeno1 0

Monday 22 February 2010 11:15

yugi! you must take your place in the circle of card games! (obscure Internet reference)

judetheobvious 0

Monday 22 February 2010 11:16

YDI for ******* with a cat

nelleyyy 0

Monday 22 February 2010 11:26

Ydi for treating it like a lion.

machete_fml 0

Monday 22 February 2010 11:28

fool! he should have done it harder. chicks digg scars

marsty 0

Monday 22 February 2010 11:37

YDI for disrepecting their cat

Osakhomen 0

Monday 22 February 2010 11:47

Ugh cats suck! I hate cats. I'd much rather have a dog, dogs are much more fun and don't suck. lol

ozpunker 20

Monday 22 February 2010 11:57

I just love how he referred to himself as Rafiki.

XanimalloverX 0

Monday 22 February 2010 12:10

you never EVER pick a cat up under it's front paws( their underarms)

sillyzombiekid 0

Monday 22 February 2010 12:15

aww, cute, fyl

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my dad caught me vaping. From the volume of his yelling, you’d think he caught me sniffing cocaine out of a prostitute's ass crack. FML

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Today, while I was lifeguarding a swim meet with over 100 patrons, a duck paid a visit to our pool. He sat down and a brown cloud surfaced in the water. He immediately flew off. My manager then made me put goggles on and scoop out the poop while everyone watched. FML

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Today, my husband put "sexual favors" on the memo line for my contractor's check. His wife saw it and he had to quit mid-job. I'm stuck with a half-finished house and my husband thinks it's funny. FML

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Today, my boyfriend and I went on a picnic. After we finished eating he laid down, closed his eyes, and put his head in my lap. At the exact second that I bent down to kiss him, he jumped up to get the Frisbee. We both have bloody noses. FML

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Today, after I gave notice to quit my job 3 weeks ago, and my last day is tomorrow, I found out that all overtime is now $40 an hour. FML

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Today, my girlfriend threw boiling water at me to get me off my phone. It worked, but now I'm burned. FML

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