Intimacy Let me Slytherin - FML

Let me Slytherin

Wisconsin love - 13/12/2010 17:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

ginny - 10/09/2009 17:18 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came in my room dressed as Harry Potter and declared that he was going to put his basilisk into my chamber of secrets. And yes, that was my first time. FML

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Turn off

no no no - 21/03/2023 02:00

Today, my boyfriend decided to "spice up sex" by talking like an anime character. We had to stop after the line, "Your vagina will crumble before the power of my Hypercock!" FML

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SwAGkiLlS - 15/07/2012 15:12 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my girlfriend said that we should try something new. I got excited because I thought it would be about sex. Nope, she wanted me to start speaking with animal noises so we could build up a secret language. FML

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fffmmll - 21/03/2011 16:58 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend called my vagina "Chewbacca". FML

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Anonymous - 19/01/2016 11:03 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML

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Repetition

Fuck - 25/02/2015 21:39 - United States - Fowler

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML

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Found it

Anonymous - 01/02/2022 20:01

Today, my boyfriend was about to go down on me as foreplay before losing his virginity and he actually poked my clitoris and said, "What’s this thing?" FML

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dahs - 03/04/2011 11:27 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend pulled on my pubes and made 'engine starting' noises. This was his attempt at foreplay. FML

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thetalkingvagina - 09/06/2010 11:34 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Suddenly, he grabbed my 'lower' lips and moved them in a talking motion, proclaiming that "the talking vagina declares war and wants to conquer the great penis." FML

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yikesss - 23/10/2018 03:00

Today my boyfriend told me that dirty talk with me was like potty training a puppy. FML

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lil_miss_blair 0

Monday 13 December 2010 23:01

don't complain, your boyfriend rocks.

SynchronicityII 0

Monday 13 December 2010 23:03

After that, did he conjure up an ****** with his "magic wand"?

bramberkhout 10

Friday 17 December 2010 14:22

haha oh my god thats so extraordinary that i just had to specially sign up to fml to be able to comment! my god, he is a douche but, in a way a genius!

CaitlynCannibal 0

Friday 17 December 2010 16:50

That's a true Harry Potter fan, right there.

zombiedoll 0

Saturday 18 December 2010 5:39

Hah! This is ******* hilarious! :)

stripeysocks123 0

Sunday 19 December 2010 0:36

What I wouldn't give for your boyfriend. Harry Potter FTW!

Orexym 1

Sunday 19 December 2010 7:42

The boyfriend wins... Like HELL YEA!!

green_eyed_gwen 0

Sunday 19 December 2010 21:23

His snake needed to enter, it's only common for a parseltounge.

kkreddancer 0

Monday 20 December 2010 5:35

that's freaking hilarious

Macadamia_fml 0

Monday 20 December 2010 10:15

Your boyfriend = win.

nyxx_fml 0

Tuesday 21 December 2010 21:17

I would be like, Ohmigod you're the best boyfriend ever. I love love love Harry Potter.

jazzboo10 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 3:00

wtf..

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I learned that you truly can get cramp in any muscle of your body, including that one specific ring of muscle in the back. Yes, I got a full on cramp in my asshole and yes, it is even more painful than you can possibly imagine. FML

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Today, I got a new haircut. I was feeling pretty confident, until coworkers and family members kept making comments like, "I think you gained a little weight", "You look older" and "Do you still like guys?" Apparently, my new haircut changed my waist size and my sexual orientation. FML

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Today, I dropped my toothbrush. Because I have the spatial awareness of a mentally-retarded gnat, I hit my head against the sink as I bent down to get it. Then I did the same on the way back up, almost KO'ing myself. My boyfriend saw the whole thing and nearly pissed himself laughing. FML

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Today, my husband and I took our two sons (6 and 8 years-old) on a 200 ft hike down to the Torrey Pines beach in San Diego. The beach looked beautiful and the kids were excited to get there. It wasn’t until we finally got there when we found out it was a nudist beach. FML

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Today, I was excited when I saw a missed call. It wasn't my ex-boyfriend finally willing to talk, it was the creepy guy I met on the bus in November who I haven't seen since but has written me poetry. FML

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Today, after I ordered a sextoy on Amazon, it’s the only cancelled order I’ve had an issue not receiving a refund with quickly. Now I may need to talk to customer service about it. FML

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