Sex, Relatable, Awkward and Intimacy: I've got the hots for you

I've got the hots for you

By Jarman - 26/07/2012 05:39 - United States - Columbus

Today, I had to turn down an offer of what seemed like some sexy time with a cute girl because my intestines were bursting with an intense desire to unleash molten lava. I rushed home to squat down, only to let out a disappointingly small piece of crud and a tiny fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 157

You deserved it 5 916

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Same thing different taste

Better safe than sorry

By Anonymous - 21/08/2025 23:00 - Australia

Today, I thought I was going to shit myself at work. I speed-walked all the way to the bathroom clenching for dear life. Barely got my pants down while simultaneously sitting and unleashing. After all that, it was just a gigantic fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 360

You deserved it 86

Gross out competition

By shattysituation - 31/12/2012 22:36 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 457

You deserved it 4 068

Rememberance Day special

By Crappy circumstances - 11/11/2025 12:00

Today, I had to shit worse than I thought possible at work. I left my desk and hurried towards the bathroom, dropping trou as soon as the door closed. I then tripped over my pant leg, hit my head on the toilet, and came to some minutes later with my ass spewing diarrhea like a volcano. FML

I agree, your life sucks 482

You deserved it 89

Leaked

By Morgan Bailey - 18/09/2018 14:00

Today, I tried to let out a small fart in a crowded restaurant. I had diarrhea. I walked past several families to get to the bathroom and clean myself up, only to still go home with a huge wet spot down my ass. My shirt wasn't long enough to hide it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 769

You deserved it 905

Hear this?

By soundslikeadumbcommentersituation - 11/07/2014 20:34 - Canada - Brampton

Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 871

You deserved it 6 944

By Anonymous - 08/06/2014 02:34 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I went to the restroom to pee. A loud fart exploded out of my ass and echoed in the toilet bowl. I could practically feel my face on fire when I saw the horrified look on a little girl's face as I walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 099

You deserved it 6 694

By Anonymous - 27/01/2013 06:03 - United States - Demorest

Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 080

You deserved it 3 913

Symphony

By Anonymous - 06/05/2009 19:17 - United States

Today, I had some pretty bad stomach pain, so I went to the bathroom. After a few minutes, two girls walked in, taking stalls next to me. That's when my farts began to get very large and explosive. Not only did they break into laughter, they waited for me to come out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 508

You deserved it 5 210

Like a dog

By Jick - 26/02/2023 14:00

Today, I was outside when I was suddenly overcome by an intense need to shit. The back door was locked, so I tried to run to the front, but couldn't make it. As I squatted in the bushes, my girlfriend came home unexpectedly. She screamed and called me a sick, disgusting freak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 298

Sexy back

By Anonymous - 19/11/2017 06:00

Today, in the middle of sex, I was desperate for a fart but tried to hold it in so we weren't forced to stop halfway. Unfortunately, I accidentally let the fart escape, along with runny diarrhea, all over my husband's legs and groin. The smell caused him to vomit all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 575

You deserved it 2 862

tnttse 6

Thursday 26 July 2012 16:06

Cockblocked by your shit. Classic.

CessOMG 3

Thursday 26 July 2012 16:06

I freaking hate it when that happens. FYL.

Comments

alohalili 0

Thursday 26 July 2012 18:43

This FML is very detailed eww but srry anyways:/

Bigmoneyshotz 0

Thursday 26 July 2012 19:08

Haaaaaa you said sexy time who are you OP? Borat? "I want to make sexy time with you back vajean"

xmaximusx 12

Thursday 26 July 2012 19:09

Sexy time!!! bow chicki bow wow " insert more **** music here" ..... "squeeky ass fart".

ScrewedUpMess 15

Thursday 26 July 2012 19:39

The wording of this FML is absolutely brilliant!! I'm sorry you missed out on your "sexy time" OP, but you practically made my day!!

motoxraceman2345 1

Thursday 26 July 2012 19:54

I woulda still done sexy time. Just take a poop break in middle.

MooseKnuckle503 11

Thursday 26 July 2012 20:10

Next time just say" Hey, I need to go home and shower first. I'll be right back."

s0ulslack 20

Thursday 26 July 2012 20:23

That was god saving you from the worst case of crabs in your life

LtBrenton 16

Thursday 26 July 2012 21:39

god damn, do the moderators have a hidden scat fetish or something? this is FML, not "hey if it's shit-related it must be funny"

drawmyhearton_fml 3

Thursday 26 July 2012 22:26

Thank you for that beautiful image

Bamaf22 6

Thursday 26 July 2012 22:38

Is it just me or does this guy sound like an immature child?

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my idiot boss placed an expensive order for anti-bullying banners that read: "Take a stand against bullying!" This would be fine if I didn't work in a specialized school for children in wheelchairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 113

You deserved it 1 862

Today, my roommates decided to do some experimental baking. To be supportive, I tried one of their creations. I've been alternating between vomiting and diarrhea for the past hour. My jaw is sore from vomiting, and I can barely muster the energy to flush between "switching sides" anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 618

You deserved it 2 461

Today, I got my graduation photos back. I'd sent them to a friend for touching up, but unfortunately we had a major argument recently. I guess that's why in the photos I've been photoshopped out and replaced with a goat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 786

You deserved it 7 264

Today, for the nth time, my father reminded me that I should study things related to the "real" world, as if I was studying theology, astrology or something. I'm studying for a master's degree in physics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 538

You deserved it 2 608

Today, while I was in the shower, my 4 year-old son wondered what would happen if he put 6 eggs in the microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 305

You deserved it 3 087

Today, I spilled my heart out to a guy by showing him one of my poetry journals. He read through it and said, "Wow, I feel sorry for the guy you wrote about." The poems were all about how I loved him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 209

You deserved it 8 000

Same thing different taste

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