Today, I found out that my parents didn't come to my wedding not because they couldn't make it, but rather that my younger brother didn't want to go. FML
Today, after weeks of tirelessly organising a Secret Santa with work colleagues, we finally exchanged gifts. I got a stapler, which had been stolen from my desk the day before. FML
Today, when thinking about an Star Wars meme that said, "Quote Star Wars to describe your sex life", I realized that I had to stop at the title screen: "long ago" and "far, far away." FML
Today, my wife bitched me out 3 times in a row, for things that were not even my fault: for turning my Xbox on, even though I only nudged the button accidentally with my toe; opening a beer when it was actually a Pepsi for our son, and walking loudly when I "know she has a headache," which I didn’t. FML
Today, I was hanging out with a few of my friends, including an old ex-girlfriend and her current boyfriend of 5 years. When my ex, whose virginity I had taken years earlier, mentioned, "I had the iPhone first," without thinking, I immediately responded, "Well, I had YOU first." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I agreed to weekly talks about anything that is bothering us, since we’ve been arguing a lot lately. So far, every talk has been her moaning at me about how I annoy her, yet when I try to have my say, she interrupts or yells at me for blaming her for our problems. FML
Today, I found out why my history grade is so low: the kid in front of me takes my homework, writes his name on it, and passes it off as his own. FML
disown them
younger kids always get their way