Animals, Cats Health Caturday surprise!

Caturday surprise!

keeperstride - - United States

Today, I tried to wash my cat in the shower, conveniently naked myself. He disapproved, scratching my man-parts and nicking a vein. I just got back from the hospital with an infection, swollen nuts, and a hole in my butt for which I had to get a shot of antibiotics. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Hang in there

ouch - - United States - Wilmington

Today, I was on the toilet when my cat came in and jumped up on the sink. Apparently my lap looked like a comfier seat, so she jumped onto it. She misjudged the distance, but luckily caught herself by sliding to a stop, with her claws in my bare thighs. FML

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Caught off guard

dooommage - - France

Today, I was teasing my cat with a piece of string when suddenly my phone rang. I answered it with one hand and put the string down with the other onto my lap. The beast seized the opportunity to spring, claws out, onto my privates. FML

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Broke boy

Anonymous - - United States

Today, I woke up with the worst vaginal itching and swelling. I then find out it was brought on by my boyfriend's cheap brand of toilet paper. FML

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Self defence

Anonymous - - United States

Today, I went to my grandmother's house to pick up her cat to take him to the vet. She forgot who I was and sprayed me in the face with pepper spray. FML

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Close encounters

Pinkie - - United States

Today, I had to announce to the whole house that I was going the bathroom, because the lock on the door is broken. Before I had the chance to wipe, my dad loudly burst through the door, stark bollock naked, to take a shower. FML

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Freak out

zAstonish - - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and felt deep breathing on my neck. I screamed, fell off the bed and busted my nose. It was just my cat. FML

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Deez nuts

needtoscratch - - United States - Duluth

Today, my dormant eczema decided to come back with a vengeance - on my scrotum. I work in an open office and can't scratch unless I repeatedly run into the restroom. FML

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Bad boy

Shiva - - France - Niort

Today, I cleaned my apartment from top to bottom. Once I was done, I looked over at my puppy, who then woke up, stretched, got out of his basket and started to pee. I shouted, "No!" Scared, he then ran all over the place, still peeing. FML

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Surprising

Anonymous - 28/11/2019 20:00

Today, my younger sister had some friends over at ours. I was in the shower but was horrified to realize my clothes and towel were gone. Figuring that she took them, I tried to make it to my room without being seen, but one of her friends came up to use the bathroom. She saw everything. FML

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Stinky pits

shakinmahbuttbutt - - United States

Today, it's been two weeks since my parents went crazy with their attempts to save on the water bill. Every time I want to take a shower, I have to ask them first. Let's just say I've had to resort to taking sponge baths in public bathrooms to keep my B.O. under control. FML

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redbluegreen 40

Friday 4 September 2009 1:08

Greatest FML I've ever read in my life.

Aoife 0

Friday 4 September 2009 1:11

Haha, there's a place and time for everything. You can't ALWAYS get the pussy into the shower with you. x]

lab2lb 0

Friday 4 September 2009 1:13

what part of you thinks "oh i'll just take a shower with my cat, no biggie, he'll love it" ?

Cucchiaio 0

Friday 4 September 2009 7:36

You win :)

IceCubez 0

Friday 4 September 2009 8:49

His manly parts thought so.

lolwatlol 0

Friday 4 September 2009 1:13

We got a future Darwin Award winner here guyz

fmh123 0

Friday 4 September 2009 1:15

Do you get off on that you sick maniac!

Muffin_boo 12

Tuesday 18 September 2012 17:24

Lol dude wtf? He was trying to wash his cat. Nothing perverted about it unless you make it that way. :o

ccr69 0

Friday 4 September 2009 1:15

Dumbass! YDI! Funniest damn thing I've read all day!

gigi2009 0

Friday 4 September 2009 1:16

8 INCHES?? that's a damn big needle hole if you ask me...

Luckster 0

Friday 4 September 2009 1:43

I think he meant depth, not diameter XD A needle with an 8 inch diameter is something we can only expect to see in cartoons.

lubby_fml 0

Friday 4 September 2009 1:59

omg this comment made me lol, irl. Lol 8 inches in diameter would be like the entire right and half of his left cheek lol.

palmtrees 1

Friday 4 September 2009 4:41

I have trouble believing even 8" in depth even... I'm seeing some exaggeration here.

plexico 3

Friday 4 September 2009 6:26

An 8-inch "needle?!" When the doctor inserted this "needle" into your ass, did he have both hands on your shoulders?

Aeval_Fae 0

Friday 4 September 2009 7:56

ROFL thats a nice image. Thanks for that #140.

FlyMeToTheMoon 0

Friday 4 September 2009 1:17

I hate stupid people. You just thought you'd have a naked shower with your cat? YDI 100% I feel sorry for your cat.

lesbee 0

Friday 4 September 2009 2:34

Actually I feel sorry for the poor bastard who had something serious but hat to wait in line at the hospital because some stupid little man took a shower with Mr. Fluffers.

pochatkin 0

Friday 4 September 2009 1:17

how can you have an eight inch needle hole? that would be a very large hole. i'm pretty sure needles don't come that big. unless you ment 8 inches long instead of wide (thatswhatshesaid).

batosai33 0

Friday 4 September 2009 1:34

glad i am not the only one who thought that lol. read that and thought "wow the needle was bigger than your ass. i dont think it is a needle at that point, more like a small naval gun port.