By FML Approved - 13/07/2017 18:30 I agree, your life sucks 513 You deserved it 149 Share Tweet Share
Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML I agree, your life sucks 32 381 You deserved it 3 591
Today, as I was about to leave my house in my brand new heels, I stepped on a dead mouse. My heel went through it. FML I agree, your life sucks 34 076 You deserved it 5 601
Today, I was reading a crappy "How to spice up your marriage" book with my husband for laughs. One of the ideas was for the guy to whip his knob out, stand behind his girl and say "Can you say that into the microphone?" Now he does it every chance he gets, and I fall for it EVERY TIME. FML I agree, your life sucks 14 680 You deserved it 44 260
Today, after putting in so much effort to forgive my husband for his affair, we had sex. Not even 2 minutes into it, he called me by the other woman's name. FML I agree, your life sucks 54 606 You deserved it 12 419
Today, I learned the hard way that my boyfriend lied about getting a vasectomy before we met, in spite of knowing how phobic I am of pregnancy and kids. His defense? "I figured you'd change your mind someday, because all you chicks love babies." FML I agree, your life sucks 29 049 You deserved it 4 373
Today, my boyfriend proposed. The ring just had a piece of graphite on it. My boyfriend argued that since graphite and diamonds are both just forms of carbon, it is the same thing. FML I agree, your life sucks 36 738 You deserved it 14 347
Those aren’t the droids I’m looking for.