Your everyday life stories

truecountrybitch - 01/05/2017 09:00 - United States - Fond Du Lac

Today, after not seeing my boyfriend for five weeks, he showed up unannounced in the middle of my twelve-hour shift. He was only able to stay a few hours, and I won't get to see him for another three weeks after this. FML

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Icky - 30/04/2017 23:20 - United States - Beaverton

Today, while working as a nursing assistant in a hospital, I had my gloved hands covered in unspeakable body fluids when I suddenly had to scratch an itch on my face. I was still wearing my gloves.

"Laureen Takeshita" - 01/05/2017 06:55

Today I had to tell 3 adults the toddler they were with was in a cart that could tip over easily so have a hand on it at all times. All 3 walked away from the cart less than 5 minutes later. I had to grab the cart. I'm not even a parent...FML

themaninthesoontobeburneddownhouse - 01/05/2017 03:21

Today, I learned that my soon-to-be roommate lied about not having any pets and actually has five cats. Turns out, the landlord knew this, but kept a secret, because their going to try to make me, "change my mind about pets." I'm deathly allergic to fur and most of my furniture are imports. FML

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Snubbed - 01/05/2017 00:25

Today, an old friend posted a complaint on Facebook about our mutual friends' upcoming wedding. She was mad that she wasn't made a bridesmaid but that her ex-boyfriend was going to be a groomsman. I wasn't even invited. FML

bbkaz4lyfe - 30/04/2017 23:48

Today, my bra broke so badly that the wire came out of the right cup and stabbed my left boob. FML

Anonymous - 30/04/2017 22:52

Today after being with my wife for 24 years and keeping my difficult teenage years secret for longer than that, I accidentally revealed a detail that led to me having to admit to my wife that I spent my teen years homeless or living in group homes. I don't know what she thinks of me now. FML

"inappropes" - 30/04/2017 21:42

Today, I received my penis pump I drunk ordered a month ago. Amazing thing for my roommate to recieve. FML.

- 30/04/2017 21:38

Today, My wife and I, after years of saving and hating apartment life, moved into our new home. I was just informed my mother-in-law is moving in next month, indefinitely. Goodbye alone time and sex life. FML

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LyssaGirl - 30/04/2017 14:34 - United States - Saint Marys

Today, a few girls from a bridal party at my place of work decided to make coffee. This would be fine if they knew how to measure coffee, instead they flooded two industrial coffee makers. And all my counters. Idiots....FML

Ignored - 30/04/2017 19:20

Today I have been seeing a guy for over a month, we talk everyday and meet up once a week. After seeing him yesterday he is now ignoring me, I have no clue what I have done. This happens every single time. FML.

"Breanna BaumGartner" - 30/04/2017 18:30

Today, I realized that I have been the side chick. How? I met his girlfriend. FML.

"Ava_Darkflame" - 30/04/2017 18:26

Today, my Asian teacher called me, a Mexican, a chink. FML

- 30/04/2017 10:29 - United States

Today I went to the gym before work. I packed all my work cloths so I could just head straight to work (my job has a gym in the same building). After my workout I was getting dressed I realized I forgot my bra. I didn't have time to go back home so I had to work all day without a bra on. FML

"unlucky_seven" - 30/04/2017 12:49

Today, my phone's headphone jacks, laptop headphone jacks, and my wireless headphones broke.In the course of one hour.FML.

- 30/04/2017 12:04

Today, I drove 40 minutes into the city to DD for a friend of mine that was out partying. Ended up being hit on by her gay friend and having her dump water on me when I tried to get her home. She's currently passed out in the passenger seat with chicken fingers and hot sauce in her lap...FML

fucked over - 30/04/2017 09:10

Today, my girlfriend told me that she and her mom were going on a Eurotrip. She began to ask me "Would you like to..." I thought she was going to invite me, but instead she asked me to babysit her dogs for 8 days while she goes off and has fun. I wont even be able to hang out with my friends. FML

Haha-chew - 30/04/2017 00:58 - United States

Today while watching TV on the couch with my boyfriend, right as I raised a tissue to my face to sneeze my bf tickled my armpit so I smashed a snot filled tissue into my face... fml

spedicey2 - 30/04/2017 06:44

Today, I've gotten so used to having my friends prank me by telling me that 'there's a test tomorrow ', I ignored them when they truthfully reminded me of one last week. It's first thing tomorrow morning, 60% of our mark, and I haven't studied.

Blinky - 30/04/2017 04:24

Today one of the 4 year old boys I teach decided the previous week's activities of biting, kicking and punching me weren't enough. He threw the metal fork he was using to eat lunch at me, which hit me in the neck and drew blood. To top it off, my boss told me it was my fault.

itsasign - 30/04/2017 03:16

Today, I assured my boyfriend I could do "safe" exercises using only my legs, since I hurt my arm yesterday. I pulled a muscle. FML

- 29/04/2017 20:51 - United States

my boyfriend and I were having sex we might have gotten kinda rough because somehow the leg of the bed went through the floor.... of his parents house.

- 30/04/2017 02:32

Today is my birthday. My birthday present? walking in on my boyfriend banging my mom. Happy Birthday to me.

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grocerygirl - 30/04/2017 02:24

Today a man walks around the grocery store where I work talking to Lucifer for six hours, everytime he passed he glared at me and said she's onto us isn't she Lucifer. I fear for my life FML

- 30/04/2017 00:41

Today, while attempting to trim my pubes with scissors that were slightly too big for the job, I managed to accidentally cut off a large chunk of skin right next to my vagina. FML

TouchaToucheGetTheFOffMe - 30/04/2017 00:25

Today, during sex, I told my boyfriend to slap my ass harder. He then proceeded to miss my ass cheek and slap me hard, square on the vagina. We had to stop because it hurt so bad. FML.

waitwut - 29/04/2017 11:58 - United States - Austin

Today I came home from work early to find my roommates had thrown a party. My girlfriend decided to join in on the fun and found herself having fun with two frat guys in my room. FML

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blobbertthethird - 29/04/2017 12:05

Today, I put my shoes up on the counter so that my dog who loves to chew things couldn't get them. Turns out he's tall enough to reach the counter. There is now a big hole in the top of the right shoe. I have to wear these shoes for the rest of the day. FML

when it rains, it pours. - 29/04/2017 07:49

I accidentally spilled my foundation. I was upset, but relieved it was only half the bottle. I went out, returned, and saw the foundation had actually splattered all over my new white dress I'm wearing to formal tomorrow. Yay.

alabamaNative - 28/04/2017 23:47 - United States - Murfreesboro

Today, my girlfriend called me Matt during sex. My name is Michael. Matt is her cousin. FML

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my girlfriend and I did a 69 for the first time and I was on the bottom. When she orgasmed, not only did she fart, a bit of poo came out with the fart, and actually went up my nose. I’ve gone through a whole box of tissues blowing my nose, but I can still smell it. FML

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Today, after waking up in a panic because I was running late for work again, I realized I was fired for that exact reason the day before. FML

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Today, I was telling my dad about how annoying it was to constantly have my ten-year-old cousin message me about her new boyfriend, when he suddenly bursts out laughing about how she can get a boyfriend at ten, and I have never even kissed a guy and I'm seventeen. FML

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Today, at a romantic dinner my boyfriend was treating me to, the waiter brought a "Will you marry me?" cake out, with candles and sparklers. I probably should have checked that they'd brought it to the right table before dramatically screaming ,"Yes!" and jumping into my boyfriend's arms. They hadn't. FML

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Today, my boss selected me to be the company representative at an important meeting in Portland with one of our biggest clients. I was thrilled, until I realized he hadn't said anything about my plane ticket or hotel reservation. He later told me that I'll need to acquire those things myself. FML

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Today, I found out that my boyfriend asked me to marry him because he could get a tax cut from buying the ring. All of this happened in front of his mother. FML

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