Nearly FMLs

By Shay - 26/08/2017 20:39 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, I brought my brand new (expensive) iPhone into work. Unfortunately, I work a a daycare. One of the kids got ahold of my phone and next thing I know the screen is shattered. $100 in repair, and when I take it home, the headphones don't work. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 26

You deserved it 94

By Texalian - 26/08/2017 19:03

Today my roommate decided it was a good idea to blame me for him ad his gf breaking up and his awful grades. his reason? My dog answers me when I call him and not him. He's 19 and studying to become a vet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 5

By I'm innocent. - 26/08/2017 18:12

Today, I was walking home with a friend. When I got home, my mom bitched me out. Why? My friend's grandma called her, saying she saw me "beat him up." This has been one of many attempts to separate us for a 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 6

By Josie - 26/08/2017 17:35

Today I stubbed my toe getting in the shower, hit my head on the wall, splattered conditioner into my mouth and eye, nicked my knee shaving, my toe slipped off the hold and bent my toenail back, & finally forgot to turn the hot water down before blasting my undercarriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 19

By ShadowReiku - 26/08/2017 17:33

Today, I refused to buy an item in a video game because it was slightly more than I wanted to spend, despite having millions of the in-game currency saved up. Meanwhile, I have $30 to my name in real life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 60

By Scythe - 26/08/2017 16:01 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today my phone's screen broke, literally days after I cancelled the insurance for it, thinking I wouldn't need it any more. The worst part? I was watching porn, so I don't even want to get it fixed, as I would have to show the frozen porn screen to the repairman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31

You deserved it 75

By Anonymous - 26/08/2017 15:38

I got a breakfast sandwich and was rushing to get to my first day of school. spilled sauce and coffee all down my white shirt. I have to meet people and then go straight from class to work.

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 20

By "azouwa" - 26/08/2017 13:39

Today, I was yelled at for being an hour late with someone's medication. Due to HIPPA I couldn't tell them it was because I was busy stopping someone down the hall from bleeding to death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 7

By Drowningintears - 26/08/2017 13:05 - United States - College Station

Today Hurricane Harvey has arrived on the coast, and my test center for SAT tests refuses to close. Almost all the test centers in the affected area have closed, except for the two closest to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 5

By badluckllama - 26/08/2017 12:25

Today my girlfriend and I were showing vacation pictures to her parents and brother, streamed from my phone to their smart-tv. By error a fellatio picture appeared in the rotation. It was awkward, and even though I skipped fast and they pretended not to see it, she won't do more xxx-pics ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 99

By Stardust_tk - 26/08/2017 08:17

Today, a really cute guy stopped me at lunch and told me that I was really cute and he wanted to ask me out on a date. There's just one problem - he's gay. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 26/08/2017 08:16 - Estonia - Tallinn

Today, I discovered that I can hear my new flatmate (for at least a year) chew from the other side of the apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 6

By oh god - 26/08/2017 06:30

Today, I met an Internet friend in real life for the first time and we had steak for dinner. I bit into a beef rib and I guess I hit a huge artery because it spurted blood everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 11

By Anonymous - 26/08/2017 03:55

Today, I received a text from my boyfriend stating that we're no longer going out to dinner, despite me asking him to be sure before I put in leave from work. Now I'm home alone and losing money. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 26/08/2017 03:46 - United States - Binghamton

Today, my dad told me I couldn't bring my bedroom fan to college because it's white and people will think I'm racist. I'm genuinely not sure whether he's joking or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 7

By ijwaa - 26/08/2017 02:47 - United States - Lincoln Park

Today, despite have the safety lock on and put on a high shelf, I still managed to get sprayed in the face with bear mace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 14

By upchucktroubles - 26/08/2017 02:15 - United States - Vashon

My boss asked me to smoke some weed with her today. I grabbed my pipe, took a big hit and handed it to her. She took a hit and started vomiting. Guess who got to clean it up. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 59

By HeroZeroPlayer - 26/08/2017 02:11 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I wanted to switch internet providers. The moment I submitted my request, my internet service went down. I tried getting on data and it was down too. I thought my internet service provider took away my internet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 8

By "Talented73" - 26/08/2017 01:22

Today, I traveled 90 minutes to get to Citi Field to see the Mets play, only to discover I read the schedule wrong. Thought I'd be seeing a ballgame and getting a free t-shirt; looks like I'll be doing neither. To top it off, a pigeon took a shit on my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 27

By Anonymous - 25/08/2017 23:53

Today, I realized that I been single for too long when after my date was playing with my hair I got a hard on....FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 9

By DB Cooper - 25/08/2017 22:21

Today, it was my birthday. It was also the day I decided to eat some weed and ended up wandering around for an hour before going to the ER the rest of the day. I had to cancel my own birthday party. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 82

By Badwolf219 - 25/08/2017 20:52

A few days ago I found out my husband was messaging other women telling them he's divorced. He swears there was no physical contact but one woman found me on Facebook and swears they had sex. She seems crazy so I don't know whoto believe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 9

By Anonymous - 25/08/2017 20:33

Today, my parents broke the news that I won't be going to my aunts wedding because I'm "too fat." I'm a recovering anorexic and barely weigh 100lbs. They're both morbidly obese. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 10

By ugh - 25/08/2017 20:00

Today, my ex, who is also my roommate, questioned me about something I had said in a private conversation to my friend on Facebook. He admitted to going through my tablet, which is password protected, because he "doesn't trust me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 609

You deserved it 515

By Anonymous - 25/08/2017 19:30 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, my mum asked me to cancel her phone insurance. I agreed, then learnt the policy isn't attached to the phone contract, so needs a policy number to cancel it. She can't find it, so I can't cancel the policy, and somehow it's all my fault FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 4

By sociopathornah - 25/08/2017 18:35

Today, I realized how messed up my friend is when my brother and I started playing our usual game of "is she a sociopath?" The difference this time: I couldn't tell. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 8

By "Sweet_Corruption" - 25/08/2017 12:09 - United States

Today, as a 17 year old Senior in high school, I hit a major milestone in my life. I found my first grey hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 6

Godiva giveth and Godiva taketh away

By Loserman67 - 25/08/2017 10:41

Today, I took a rare day off after learning of a Godiva chocolate factory not that far from us. I checked out the website, got the hours, and drove over 25 miles with my wife to get there, only to find out it's for vendors, staff, and their families only. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 170

You deserved it 1 442

loserman67 tells us more.

loserman67 35

Friday 18 August 2017 20:25

OP here - the place is like Fort Knox. Many levels of security but everyone was polite. Tried my best to con our way in but no luck.

By clumsyantha - 25/08/2017 09:21

Today I pulled a shoulder muscle while starting my lawn mower. After mowing the lawn, I went to my freezer to grab an ice pack to soothe my shoulder pain. As I reached to grab the ice pack, I knocked a glass water-filled bottle onto my toe and broke my toe. Now using ice pack for toe instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 9

By i'mscrewed - 25/08/2017 04:57

Today was my last day to purchase Plan B due to an insanely crazy and hectic schedule. For some reason my two nosiest friends decided to tag along and follow me down each aisle. Once I finally escaped from their grasp, I quickly grabbed my item only to find out my debit card is missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 30

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, my dad woke me up at 5am saying that there was dog shit on the carpet. I thought it was just a clever ruse to get me into the living room for a birthday surprise. It wasn't. There really was dog shit that I had to clean up, with no "Happy birthday"s even uttered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 088

You deserved it 2 911

Today, my vibrator was in another room and I was too lazy to get it. I was also too lazy to do it manually. It's like I've been married to myself for too long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 911

You deserved it 16 131

Today, my girlfriend of 10 months moved to Europe and we may never see each other again, so I gave her a $200 sterling silver heart necklace as a goodbye present. She gave me a pack of gum. Cinnamon, which I'm allergic to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 743

You deserved it 6 817

Today, my husband is a music teacher, and I walked in on him on Zoom with one of his female students. He said he was teaching her the guitar. He was naked from the waist down and she was fully nude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 556

You deserved it 210

Today, my roommate raged at me for "lying" about being a vegetarian, because she saw chicken stored in my side of the fridge. That chicken isn't for me, it's an ingredient in the homemade food I make for my dogs. Apparently, serving my dogs real meat instead of forcing them into vegetarianism makes me a hypocrite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 154

You deserved it 217

Today, I left my phone on the roof of my car after pumping gas. I drove off, and it wasn't until I heard a thud that I realized what had happened. Now my phone has a gash in the screen, and it's receiving angry texts from my girlfriend that I can't answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 471