Love

Hello, 911? Crazy person in my house

Xxvc67 - 22/06/2022 22:00

Today, I was attempting to trash my cheating boyfriend’s house. While I was pouring gasoline all over his belongings, he decided to come home early with the little homewrecker. FML

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Repetition

Anonymous - 22/06/2022 00:00

Today, I introduced this website to my boyfriend. We laughed at a guy who screamed his sister's name during sex. Guess what he thought would be funny to do when I was seconds from coming? FML

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Lesson learned

kjirut - - Norway

Today, I realized that the only thing I learned from my first serious relationship was how to fake an orgasm. FML

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Hello there!

Username - - United States

Today, after pulling an all-nighter, I had the pleasure of meeting my girlfriend's mother for the very first time. She walked in on me in the bathroom; I'd completely lost focus and fallen asleep while taking a shit. FML

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The blame game

Anonymous - 21/06/2022 06:00

Today, I got home from work to the news my daughter and stepson are dating, and having sex, which is weird but not illegal, since they’re not related. My wife however is blaming me, because I apparently didn’t let her discipline them harshly enough when they were teenagers. FML

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Frenemies

Sigg - 21/06/2022 04:00

Today, we travelled back to England to meet my fiance's family. Turns out her cousin is a guy I hated from high school. I tried to be an adult, but we began sniping insults at each other like we used to. By the end of the night, we realised we actually missed hating each other and are now, ew, frenemies. FML

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Lost in translation

Anonymous - 20/06/2022 22:00

Today, my girlfriend got a sexy new tattoo as a surprise for me. It’s on her boob in Japanese, next to a pair of sexy lips, and she claims it says "Oral Queen." I'm fluent in Japanese so I wish she'd asked for my help first, because it actually translates to "Mouth Ruler" which is not sexy at all. FML

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No gifts for you

Birthdaypoop - 20/06/2022 12:00

Today, it’s my birthday. Not only did my boyfriend of 5 years forget, when I reminded him, he said very unenthusiastically, “Oh, Happy Birthday.” When I said, “That’s it?” he got annoyed and said,“Well, what else do you want me to tell you?” FML

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Jumbled up

Anonymous - 19/06/2022 06:00 - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, I still haven't met my SO’s traditional Indian parents, even though we have been together for 3 years, they just pretend I don’t exist. Today I also found out that my SO’s mom has cancer. I'm trying to be there for him, but he keeps pushing me away. He literally said he doesn’t know about our relationship now. FML

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Silver linings?

blutownie13 - - United States

Today, I told my ex-boyfriend I lost 20lbs due to the stress of the break up. His response was, "You're welcome." FML

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Living in a romcom

Anonymous - 18/06/2022 06:00

Today, my assistant booked me an important meeting tomorrow, which is also our anniversary. My boss says I can’t miss the meeting or I’ll be sacked, and since I forgot our anniversary last year, my wife swears she’ll divorce me if I miss this year. I have no good options here. FML

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Food for thought

Whatthehell - 18/06/2022 04:00

Today, my girlfriend is mentally unhinged. She had a full on temper tantrum and ranted about healthy eating, and how she’s “fat” and needs to lose 30 pounds, all because I suggested Buffalo Wild Wings for dinner. She stormed out of the house. I later ran into her at a local pizza place, devouring a pizza. FML

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Mixed signals

Anonymous - 17/06/2022 11:59 - United States - Kennebunk

Today, I told my long-distance partner that I wanted to take them on a date to the aquarium next time they're in town. They said, "That would be my first date ever!" When I asked about when we went to the zoo and dinner last week, they said it was, "the closest thing to a date" they'd had. Apparently, we're actually just friends. FML

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No one will notice

Anonymous - 16/06/2022 10:00

Today, my girlfriend asked me to straighten her hair while she did her makeup, even though I’ve never straightened hair before. I burned a length of it off, because I had no idea what I was doing. It’s super obvious from the back, but she’s gone out already. I’m a dead man when she gets home. FML

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Mistaken identity

Anonymous - 15/06/2022 08:00 - United States

Today, I found out my sister's personal trainer thought I was a woman this whole time. Here I thought he was a gay man, with how aggressively he's been pursuing me. My sister never shed light on his mistake to anyone, because she thought it was funny. I just wish the truth came out before he decided to try to kiss me. FML

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Bad boy

WheresTheJustice - 15/06/2022 06:00

Today, my ex-boyfriend tried to poison my dog, all because I cheated on him. I’m getting bitched at for “breaking his heart” and “attempting to get him in trouble.” Nobody cares what he did to my dog. FML

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Run for the hills

fuck this shiit! - 15/06/2022 02:00

Today, I found out why my fiancé waited for me to meet his family. We had dinner at their place, the women were not permitted to talk while the men were in the room, also no eye contact with the men, and we had to eat separately. He says he wants me to learn to be a good and decent wife from them. FML

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Fishing for compliments

Brent - 14/06/2022 14:00

Today, I'm going through a long dry spell, so I asked my ex-wife and the last woman I was intimate with how they were physically attracted to me. They started listing things like financial stability, trustworthy, safe and nice to talk to. I just wanted to be called handsome. FML

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Stank

sadass - - Australia

Today, my boyfriend told me that my feet smell. He was in the next room at the time. FML

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Projection

killmenow - 14/06/2022 06:00

Today, after crying after remembering how horribly wrong it went, 10 years ago, with the only person I was ever able to trust enough to let them get close to me, and how no amount of therapy seems to help me, I read an FML about how nobody wants to date a 30 year-old who has never dated. I'm 29 and might as well give up. FML

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Is it that rare?

Anonymous - 14/06/2022 00:00

Today, my girlfriend is mad at me. Apparently in her country, not burping after a meal is very rude, and means you think their cooking skill is bad. I get throat gurgles, not burps. I tried to explain, but she thinks I made up a fake condition. It’s not fake, just so rare it’s unheard of. FML

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Classic

Anonymous - - United States

Today, I saw my boyfriend of a year kissing another girl. When I walked up to confront him about it, he tried to convince the other girl he didn't know who I was. FML

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Hope springs eternal

Anonymous - 13/06/2022 10:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend rejected my proposal, claiming she refuses to get married until she finally finds her dad, so he can walk her down the aisle. Babe, he walked out when you were 7 and hasn't been seen or contacted you since. Just say you don't wanna marry me so we can both move on. FML

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Letting yourself go

Anonymous - 13/06/2022 12:00

Today, my husband is becoming more uncivilised the older he gets, as I had to remind him to put trousers on while we have guests in the house, and over dinner he was picking his belly button at the table. FML

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It's all too much

SushiSpot - 13/06/2022 01:00 - United Kingdom - Jarrow

Today, on my first day off in over a week of working for my new job, and covering for a sickness at work, I get called into work for an audit… which we failed due to a lack of training. Where is the manager who's supposed to be training me? On holiday in Spain. Oh and my partner is considering divorce due to work. FML

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Leech

Anonymous - 13/06/2022 00:00

Today, my daughter broke up with her boyfriend and moved back in with me, because he kept doing things like inviting her on dates, trying to talk to her, and even, god forbid, trying to have sex with her. All this apparently got in the way of her watching anime 24/7. I'm never getting rid of her, am I? FML

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The odd couple

Anonymous - 12/06/2022 04:00

Today, my girlfriend, for our first time having sex, wanted to do stepbrother roleplay. Not only is that odd for our first time, it’s a weird fetish to have, especially when she actually does have a stepbrother. We ended up not finishing having sex, it was too weird for me FML

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Nice try

Anonymous - 11/06/2022 22:00

Today, I was texted out of the blue by a girl I treated to dinner last year. Since then, we'd chatted and met in passing a few times, but she'd turned down or cancelled all my other date invitations. Sadly, she wasn't trying to meet up. She wanted $500 to benefit a male friend, who was down on his luck. FML

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Leave me alone

anon - 11/06/2022 14:00

Today, I'm confused. My incredibly hot coworkers thought I was repulsive for the past two years, but now that they've heard through the grapevine that I'm in a serious relationship, they won't leave me alone. I can't get through the day without being hit on. I hate it. FML

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What was your endgame?

Travis32 - 11/06/2022 12:00

Today, I’ve been faking an Italian accent and said my name was Alessandro to impress a girl I was seeing. My plan was going well, until on a date at the mall, I heard, “Travis, what are you doing? Why are you talking like that?” It was my mom. FML

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, after 8 years and a house bought together, I realised I regret getting married. FML

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Today, I went to the movies with my boyfriend. As we got to the ticket booth, a couple of girls queued behind us. My boyfriend graciously introduced me as his little sister, and invited the girls to join us. We've been together for two years. FML

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Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she's afraid of my ex-wife. This is the third one in a row to use that very reason. The judge still won't accept my pleas for a restraining order. FML

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Today, I came home from a four-day trip. Apparently, my cat thought I was gone for good and is now very unhappy that I'm home. I know this because she's been positioning herself between me and my husband all night, and hisses every time I try to touch him. He thinks it's hilarious. FML

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Today, I was at a gas station and I went to the bathroom. Thinking some was already in the bathroom, I waited for ten minutes while people lined up behind me only to find out that it was empty. FML

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Today, I went to my local supermarket to get my electricity topped up. Problem is, 2 of the 3 cash machines weren't working. The third was, until I tried to withdraw cash, then nope. The supermarket only accepts cash for meter top ups. FML

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