Cops

This is war!

By Help - 26/07/2026 00:00 - United States

Today, it's been a few weeks since I deterred a would-be mugger with judicious use of a stun gun. Now he and his criminal friends are stalking me and swearing revenge. I can't afford to move and the cops are useless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 67

Assumptions

By enderw - 16/06/2009 17:22 - United States

Today, I picked up my 17 year-old daughter after a late night movie in down town and got pulled over by a cop. He questioned us for a solicitation. I told the cop that she was my daughter but he said, "So, you're the daddy?" and laughed. Good to know that my daughter looks like a hoe and me a perv. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 179

You deserved it 6 417

Get lost

By Anonymous - 23/05/2023 22:00 - United States - Columbus

Today, a customer violently ranted how people in Latin America are "nothing but filth" compared to the “clean, civilized” people of "Anglo countries like Australia and New Zealand." All because I told him that flash photography is not permitted. If that’s not bad enough, the police were unwilling to do anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 157

Healthy lifestyle influencer

By I’m done - 26/04/2022 10:00

Today, my already disabled mother is on the brink of becoming bedridden due to her weight. I flat out refused to buy fast food or unhealthy food to keep in the fridge. She started screaming through the wall that I was beating her, until the neighbors called the cops. Sadly, this isn’t the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 579

You deserved it 98

Boozed up

By AuntSucka - 08/11/2009 01:35 - United States

Today, I let my nephew and his friend spend the night to watch movies. After I fell asleep, they stole my liquor and went roaming. When they saw the cop car in front of my house and realized they were busted, they went up to the cop and told them I gave them the alcohol to avoid being grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 648

You deserved it 3 703

It's sus to us

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - New Orleans

Today, I got lost, and eventually noticed that I'd passed by the same house a few times. Apparently somebody who lives on that street noticed as well, because the next time I passed by, the police were waiting for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 461

You deserved it 4 510

Neighborhood watch

By Anonymous - 12/04/2026 15:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, we have a man prowling the neighborhood, soliciting donations to a fake charity, all while he is casing the neighborhood and asking us about our valuables. The cops refuse to do anything about it, except tell us we will probably get robbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 426

You deserved it 80

Underage boozing

By drunk under 18 teenager - 19/08/2014 13:37 - Morocco - Marrakech

Today, I was hammered, and on my way home I walked into a policeman. My logic was, if I'm on the phone, he can't talk to me, so I pulled my phone out and started speaking. The officer then asked me why I was speaking to my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 098

You deserved it 50 337

On the fence

By fuckyouverymuch - 13/06/2013 10:16 - Australia - Sunnybank

Today, my estranged father, who is a cop, decided to show up to my 17th birthday party. He immediately began arresting people for underage drinking. Way to mend fences, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 025

You deserved it 26 806

Keep him

By Anonymous - 26/12/2022 15:00

Today, the county jail called. My estranged husband is being released, after spending a quality, week-long visit for restraining order violations. Merry Christmas to me and the only peace I've felt in a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 122

You deserved it 140

Messed up

By Suprise - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, as I returned home, I noticed some movement inside my house. Thinking it was a break-in, I called 911. It was my friends and some coworkers trying to throw me a surprise birthday party. Nobody's said a word to me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 345

You deserved it 9 030

Rough night, huh?

By Anonymous - 12/02/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, I was drunk and broke my leg. I called 911, only for the cops to turn up and make me try to walk, with them saying that I was faking my injury. They arrested me for being drunk in public and hours later I finally got to an ER. I had to have surgery on my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 574

You deserved it 191

Drive on

By uncool - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, the only person to wish me a "Happy birthday" was the cop who'd pulled me over, as he handed me my ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 057

You deserved it 5 141

Sigma mindset

By Username - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was pulled over for speeding and was shocked that the cop asked me out. Before I could respond, he noticed my wedding ring, said "Nevermind" and then gave me a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 922

You deserved it 5 650

Ghost rider

By mellbelle32 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my visiting cousin was driving me to pick-up and pay for my wedding cake at the bakery. The cops pulled him over for speeding and as it turns out his license was expired. I ended up having to use my wedding cake money to bail him out of jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 604

You deserved it 3 590

Y'all better run

By Anonymous - 05/08/2026 15:00 - United States - Dallas

Today, my psycho ex showed up at my doorstep to beg me to take her back, so I pulled my gun on her. I just found out she's pressing charges. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117

You deserved it 838

Give it back

By psycho - 17/02/2022 04:00 - United States - Hesperia

Today, I was on my patio trying to take photos of the amazing sunset. My phone slipped out of my hands and landed on my downstairs neighbor’s patio. When I asked for it back, they slammed the door in my face. I tried to climb over and get it myself. They called the cops on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 120

You deserved it 190

Risky business

By PleaseCalmDownThisIsALibrary - 30/06/2023 22:00 - United States - Columbia

Today, I'm just a simple librarian. Last week, we had to call the cops on two separate aggressive patrons. Today, I had to call the cops yet again. WTF? FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 95

Insult to adultery

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that the same police officer who has arrested me twice has been sleeping with my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 192

You deserved it 7 743

Move!

By Anonymous - 10/11/2010 15:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I was sitting at a traffic light when a cute girl appeared at the side of the road. I sat and watched her until she had crossed, when I realised that I had missed the light. A large queue of cars had built up behind me, yet none of them used their horn because I was driving my police car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 604

You deserved it 54 315

Dude, stop arguing!

By Christ on a bike - 22/01/2023 00:00

Today, it was only after our third date, a random traffic stop by law enforcement, and a long, insane argument with the officers that I found out that the guy I've recently been getting to know is a Sovereign Citizen nutjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 175

Albatross around my neck

By josh9792 - 23/02/2023 18:00

Today, after moving in with a friend I've known for 9 years, I found out he's going to jail soon, and refuses to work or get a new job, making me unable to pay rent as he eats all my food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 180

Being boring

By dicedicebaby - 23/03/2015 00:20 - United States - Columbus

Today, I had my 18th birthday party. At midnight, three police officers showed up at my door and asked if they could look around. Were we doing anything bad? Nope. My friends suck at parking. Before they left, the officers said that this was the most toned down party they'd seen in years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 737

You deserved it 3 458

Straight to jail

By Miss bad decisions - 03/11/2023 22:00

Today, my boyfriend and I got busted having public sex. In desperation, I promised the officer he could fuck me if he let us go. Now I've got an extra charge and probably an ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 1 161

I've not been arrested, I swear!

By Anonymous - 13/10/2021 08:01

Today, police knocked on my door in middle of the night. They said there was a fire in one of the houses in our street, so they were evacuating houses. They wouldn’t let me go back and get dressed. As I was only in my underwear, they told me I could wait in their car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 056

You deserved it 98

I know that smell

By Quinnald - 20/04/2023 12:00

Today, I had to call the cops at 10:30 at night because of the meth smoke from my neighbor burning my nostrils, with a heavy waft of cigarette covering it up. They never smoke cigarettes, except as a less-than-average way to cover up the drugs that I can pinpoint after being at two different shelters in Denver and Boulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 830

You deserved it 119

By Cowan - 06/08/2009 12:27 - Belgium

Today, I had to come back home early from my holidays. Why? I had asked my grandmother to water my plants, some of which are illegal. Instead of doing it herself, she asked her neighbor… who is a cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 874

You deserved it 125 454

Probable cause

By Anonymous - 21/03/2023 10:00 - United States - Corinth

Today, I got pulled over for speeding. I know that I was in the wrong and will take responsibility for that. When the cop handed me my ticket, he asked me if I was smoking crack. I denied it because I don't do drugs. He asked me what that foul odor was. I was passing gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 679

You deserved it 211

Rough

By aarone23 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was slammed onto my car, thrown on the ground, and arrested for outstanding warrants from 1979. I was born in 1992. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 332

You deserved it 4 165

Thanks for your support

By Anonymous - 04/04/2022 04:00

Today, I visited my dad's grave to give it a clean, since moss and shit were starting to grow on the gravestone. Apparently this counts as vandalism, according to the groundskeeper, because soap and water can damage the stone and make it crumble faster. Yes, the city cops sent me a fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 288

You deserved it 141

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Public freakouts Cops Fight Relatable Love Money Smartphone Telephones NSFW Sex Intimacy Dogs Animals Awkward Work Parents Mother in law Kids Job interview Health Weird Grandparents Food Shopping Delivery Weddings Friends Clothes Mysterious

The Top

Today, my friend and I wanted to get some alcohol (we're under 21). We went to a liquor store and asked a random guy to go in and buy us some vodka. After giving him $20, he said he had to go turn off his car, then he'd get us the drinks. He got in his car and drove off, with my $20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 240

You deserved it 260 229

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. Before we'd finished, we were interrupted by my ex dropping my daughter off with no notice. In my rush to answer the door, I hopped off my boyfriend. The condom came off inside me. After a few minutes of feeling around, I pulled the condom out, and discovered I was on my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 363

You deserved it 384

Random

Today, I jokingly asked my girlfriend if she thinks I have a big package. She replied that she didn't want to upset me and get into another fight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 676

You deserved it 41 047

Today, I had to collect my daughter from Heathrow Airport after British Airways cancelled her school trip flight. It's fine. I was already at the airport on my way for a Girls' Week to Portugal. I couldn't go. Thanks BA. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 716

You deserved it 307

Today, I drove over 3 hours to hook up with a guy I've been talking to for a couple of months. When we start having sex, he lasted less than a minute, and then couldn't get it up again afterwards. I slept uncomfortably the entire night on his twin bed while he snored. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 575

You deserved it 1 399

Today, when I woke up, I discovered that someone thought it'd be hilarious to set up an obstacle course of boxes and furniture in the dorm hallway. I have Crohn's disease, and the bathroom is at the other end of the hall. No, I didn't make it in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 917

You deserved it 69

Today, my son and his girl best friend have been dancing around each other for a year, unwilling to make the first move. It's a great source of entertainment for my wife, while I just want to yell at them to kiss already, but my wife has threatened "CONSEQUENCES" if I ruin the fun she has watching their teen drama. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 227

You deserved it 265

Today, my boyfriend's 12 year-old son was making such loud and disgusting sounds while eating ramen noodles that it took every ounce of my self-control not to punch him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 719

You deserved it 350